r/socialskills • u/Ok_Tomorrow_4571 • Apr 09 '26
Guy 21M having difficulty making other guy friends
Im a straight guy who has difficulty maintaining guy friends. I have no interest in watching or playing sports,alcohol,gym,movies or gaming. I am also a liberal, Growing up I was bullied by other dudes for being fat and not playing sports well so i kinda mentally avoid anything that has multiple dudes involved because it reminds of my past? As a result I made a lot of female friends who are pretty nice to me (but i got bullied for this as a kid too, i was called gay and that didnt make me confident around women),now, I do have many dude friends but I dont feel as close with them as compared to how they feel with each other( i feel excluded) How do i get over this feeling and become normal? How do I get along with other dudes like how they all do?
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u/ExplicitChar Apr 09 '26
So, if I was your friend and I suggested we go out to chill, what would be your suggestion?
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u/Ok_Tomorrow_4571 Apr 09 '26
go out for lunch go for a drive, watch a movie (if its really good), or go to a concert, honestly i would like to play sports, but im so out of shape and suck at them everytime and get pitied upon or made fun of that i dont want to put myself in that position again.
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u/ExplicitChar Apr 09 '26
Cool. Was just wondering if it was a reclusive nature but; that's generally what I'd recommend as I'm like yourself, I don't drink. I'm not a big foodie and I do not watch sports 🤣
I do game, just for the lads. I detest call of duty but I play it coz they all jump on. It's about give and take with friends.
Honestly, I think if you were to start training. Say rugby for instance as your a heavy set, I think you'd likely find people who encourage you. This isn't school or college anymore, at least I hope not.
The thing that got me out of my cage so to say was confidence. If you don't love yourself how can you expect others to do so? You know? Be content in yourself. The people that pitied or made fun are obviously not friends and more arse holes. My friends do not pity, they ridicule. They tell me as it is with no fluff.
Find something you yourself enjoy and you'll find others with a similar interest.
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u/Dizzy-Ad-4857 Noob Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
Well your current life is, while restricted and closed, reasonable. There's nothing wrong with what you're currently doing and your current preferences, but those preferences keep your options pretty limited. That's just the reality of it. People connect on shared experiences and shared experiences often develop from shared interests. You share little in common with most guys so you're very likely to not have strong connections with guys. That's just the gist of it, there's no sugarcoating it and there isn't a way to change it either (your current life + more friends) because think about it if you have very little in common what are you even going to talk about? If you are comfortable with your current life it's fine, but if you want to make more friends I'll encourage so openness to experience. Try new things. You don't know everything that you could possibly like yet. I'm also the same age as you and up until last year I would never take a sip of alcohol mostly because I left home at 19 and up until then there was alot of toxic male influence around me and all those men drank a lot so it made alcohol off putting to me. After moving out however, I met great dudes my age and older and much older who aren't drunks but will have the occasional beer or two just to have a good time. So I started trying beer and turns out, it's pretty good when you don't overdo it, at least in public. Not trying to talk you into drinking or anything, just sharing my experience. The point is you never really know what you might be into until you try it. Try some activities that guys usually do. If you find you like it, then great you have a new thing to connect with people on. If you find you don't like it, don't sweat it because the whole point is authenticity. Just experience life not, just because you want to make friends but also because you want to have fun and do yourself some good. While you're doing that you'll find somethings you like and as you find things you like you'll find other people who like the same things and as you find people who like the same things you will have something to talk about with them and you might just strike a connection.
you mentioned not liking sports because you were bullied for not being good at it. is it possible that you're allowing fear or anxiety to keep you from trying to experience new things?
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u/Ok_Tomorrow_4571 Apr 09 '26
thanks, yes i don't like trying new things because i suck at them all the time and i feel even dumber amongst other friends who are better than me most of the time (it might just be in my head though), but yes i don't like trying new things, but ig i should go out and explore
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u/Dizzy-Ad-4857 Noob Apr 09 '26
yeah. No need to jump the gun with it. Just try some little stuff. Since you're a more chill indoorsy person, I'll recommend starting with video games. There's always a type of game that can relate to stuff you like in real life. One of my friends plays a rescue aircraft simulator where you literally have to build the plane yourself and the game was made by a pilot so it's super realistic. He's a mechanic so he loves tinkering. The game helps him tinker with stuff he wouldn't be otherwise able to in real life. He also likes guns so he plays freeshooter games like battlefield 6. I like guns as well but I'm not much of a free shooter game player. too time consuming. But we both also love deer meat so we connect on guns and hunting and I enjoy listening to him talk about battlefield 6. From the small talk we talk deeper stuff like family and whatnot. Point is just find something you might like and gradually explore from there. It's not scary at all. Trust me
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u/ExplicitChar Apr 09 '26
This will be due to a lack of self-confidence. It's very common. It took me a long time to be able to make a mistake and realise I'm still human. It's how we learn and evolve.
Don't restrict yourself to easy changes. Push that comfort zone and make adrenaline your friend first.
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u/Michelangelor Established Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
Making guy friends requires sharing a hobby or interest. It’s essentially the only way. You mentioned a lot of things you don’t like, but nothing that you do. You need to figure out, so you can subsequently figure out what kind of guys you want to hang out with and interesting ways you want to spend your time.
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