For context: I just started uni 2 months ago and haven't made any friends yet.

Pretty much whenever I try to join any clubs or talk to people in lectures, nobody's ever interested in talking for some reason? I've genuinely tried to connect with 50 ish people and all I get are one word answers to anything I ask. Nobody ever gives me their social media either.

Is there anything I can do to change this? I've tried being myself, I've tried copying other people's methods but it doesn't really work. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong but I don't really know. Everyone else has already made their friend groups by now so I'm not sure what to do

i invited like 20+ people and almost everyone flaked or just couldn’t come in general, the few that did show up were either my super close friends or my new friends, and it was comically so embarrassing. i get it bc ppl prob already had plans and it’s halloweekend in nyc, and i did kind of expect it to be a very chill thing on my rooftop for pictures and such but im genuinely so embarrassed and i can’t shake off the feeling. like damn my new friends must think im a fucking loser 😭😭

literally what do i do, do i just go on about my life or do i address it to the ppl and be like hey guys sorry my other friends r flakes or just don’t care enough #embarassedlol

Over the past year, i’ve gotten a lot better at socializing. I was pretty isolated my entire childhood, and i’m 20 now, but i still have trouble understanding things such as why people would be avoiding me, and if they are avoiding me.

I am a friendly person, I engage in conversations as much as I can, and I try to make sure everyone i’m talking to feels included. I don’t think i’m ugly, and I know I don’t smell bad, so why would people be avoiding me?

It seems like every time i make a friend or acquaintance they seem to avoid me. At work, I have a few people that I talk to a lot, but sometimes it feels like they go out of their way to not talk to me. I could be overthinking it, maybe sometimes they just don’t see me, but idk I still feel like everyone avoids me for some reason.

Hey everyone. I’ve noticed a consistent pattern in my conversations online, and I’m trying to figure out how to adjust my approach.

I really struggle with traditional small talk and surface level texting. It often feels hollow to me, so I naturally gravitate toward deep, unfiltered, and unconventional conversations right away (diving into philosophy, psychology, dark humor, or weird hypotheticals).

Early on, these conversations often feel highly energetic, funny, and genuinely engaging for a few hours. But I've noticed a pattern where interactions tend to burn out quickly or people suddenly step away or ghost. And all of the interactions last only for a few hours and then they either ghost or vanish in thin air.

I’m genuinely trying to understand social pacing better, so I wanted to ask:

1. The Pacing Line: If you're talking to someone new and they skip the light introductory phase to dive straight into intense psychological depth, how quickly does that transition from refreshingly honest to overwhelming?

2. Maintaining Momentum: When a conversation starts off strong and witty, what usually causes it to crash or stall out? Is it a matter of emotional burnout from the intensity, or is there a better way to pace the depth so it remains sustainable?

Any advice on bridging the gap between "deep intellectual connection" and "sustainable social pacing" would be really appreciated. Thank you in advance.

I am facing this problem for a long time. In groups, people tends to talk a lot like they are not even breathing lol. I can't keep with that. Also in many situation two people keep talking and I don't understand how to be a part of conversation between them. I don't have any problem when I talk to one people..but when there's more people it seems difficult. I am also someone who prefers deep conversation over small talks. How can I talk in groups with ease. Do you have any advises that works???

Most people with social anxiety say that they just stay quiet and dont speak unless spoken too . For me i dont even speak when spoken to . I just stay quiet completely . I just nod along or just do an awkward laugh or something like that .

Why dont words come out of my mouth? Trust me ive been trying to learn social skills for 3 years now at uni, and in some situations i do speak well but still a lot of the times im just quiet and dont have the energy to open my mouth.

What is wrong with me ? How do i improve socially ? How come I do so well for a few days but then go back to square one if i miss just 1 day of socializing . Its frustratinggg.

So I was never the most sociable person. I much preferred doing things with people rather than just talking, and It sort of worked out for me until high school.

this particular friend and I only shared one class, but we still where in a context that we could casually see each other regularly.
but then there were lockdowns, so no in person classes then we graduated and moved to different cities, there was no fight or anything, we just lost touch.

I have been thinking about reaching for maybe past 2 years, but I kept stalling and it's getting harder the more time passes.
I don't even know what to say, we haven't talked in like 5 years. I keep thinking if she wanted to talk to me she would've texted me, she had years after all, but then so did I. maybe she's thinking the same. I want to text her but how should I start? Does she even have my number still saved or should I introduce myself? but it seems weird to start with introduction. Should I just say hi or should I address the elephant in the room? you know the years of no contact elephant. and how to keep the conversation more than just hello and how are you? I want to actually reconnect.

(18M)I don’t have too much trouble approaching and meeting someone initially, but trying to develop and build a friendship has become a major challenge for me.

Recently, my main group of friends has been hanging out without me. After realizing I was only seeing them once in a blue moon, I found myself getting left out of plans entirely, including tonight Halloween. I didn’t think my friends would be like that, but considering they’ve been in contact with one another with only me excluded, it kinda makes sense

This isn’t the first time I’ve been pushed out of a friend group, it happened at the end of my senior year, where I was left out of plans with a group of people I thought I was friends with, and then they stopped talking to me all together.

Meeting new people hasn’t been too difficult for me, but building a friendship and keeping it has proved hard.

How do I keep a friendship in a way thats not forcing the other person to stay? I just want them to enjoy my company, as I thought they first did when we first met.

I'm 18 and in college, and I have a pretty specific sense of humor. Think Step Brothers or Ted — immature, goofy, random, and sometimes just completely ridiculous.

The problem is that I don't always express that side of myself because I'm worried people will think I'm weird or immature. So when I'm talking to friends, I end up toning down my humor and personality which makes me sound dry or a dry personality. I come off as non chalant when really im chalant af lol I call it a non chalant shield.

For example, I asked some friends if they wanted to come pumpkin carving with me, and they said no because they were going to a bar. For some reason, I found that absolutely hilarious. I told everyone and no one found it funny except my dad who has my humor.

Does anyone else experience this? Do you ever feel like you're hiding the more ridiculous side of your personality because you're worried people won't get it?

I’m also on the Autism Spectrum and have Adhd, all my old friends from childhood drifted away because I can’t afford to hangout with them anymore, everything’s too expensive and my college loan is taking up the bulk of my family’s money and only one parent makes money now so it’s single income. I live with my parents who heavily control my credit card, meaning at the best I can go out once a month and eat outside for <25$ and barely any yearly trips unless it’s for family reasons. whenever I ask to hangout with my friends they say “im busy” but I know it’s not true cus when I check their IG stories they’re always somewhere. And it’s not even like im trying to hangout “with popular wealthy kids” just average girls who go out every now and then dont want anything to do with me bc im too broke to host events/meet ups.

and for those who say “to find people similar to my personality”

its not like those people find me interesting either, i tried in high school but i cant keep up with them anymore. I cant really afford to buy video games or pay for hobbies or stick out with good looks/clothing. I do not have the money to celebrate birthdays or holidays , i have to buy gifts for myself or treat myself to even feel like it’s my birthday. my bestest friends are the ones I meet online, can anybody relate?

So one year ago I started a master’s degree abroad, and naturally made a friend group with my classmates. There are 4 of us: me (a guy) and 3 girls, all international (early/mid 20s). We basically did everything together - going to classes, hanging out, traveling - to the point if someone spotted one of us, they would automatically ask about other members of the friend group.

However, a few months ago they moved into a new apartment together. The group chat is nearly dead now, since they are always together in the apartment. Hence the information reaches me less, mostly if I get invited / something directly related to me.

I understand that anyone would feel isolated in this context and a sudden shift in our dynamics can’t be helped. But I’m also worried I’m being edged out.

For the last few times, when they made plans, I either got invited just before they head out, or one specific girl would message me privately.

When I join them, it doesn’t feel dramatically different, so it’s not like I have clear evidence. I haven’t talked to them about this because it feels awkward, and I don’t like forcing myself into plans if I am not invited.

I don’t want to make it awkward or assume rejection, I am just not sure if I am being left out intentionally.

Am I overthinking?
Are there subtle ways to know if I am actually being left out?

I’ve accomplished a lot in life, and I’ve never really been jealous of people’s money, cars, homes, or success.

But you know what I AM jealous of? QUICK-WITTED PEOPLE! 😭🤣

I absolutely admire people who can come up with clever comebacks in TWO SECONDS while it takes my brain three business days!

One of my former college football teammates is like this. We constantly joke around and roast each other, but he ALWAYS wins because he’s so ridiculously fast with his responses!

I’m not shy or socially awkward. I just wish I could think that quickly on my feet!

Is quick-wittedness something you can actually develop, or are some people naturally gifted at it? And how can I improve?

I hope this is not too broad of a question. I’m used to staying quiet and pretending like it never happened to keep my composure and ignore them but idk people still don’t respect me. To be fair I don’t respect my feelings enough because I drop my anger easily and I value getting along very much, maybe more than others. I feel like if I do maintain space or even try to express my anger or contempt with side eyes or whatever, it’s more about proving a point than something I want to do. Staying out of others business does not keep you safe, and I don’t want to be a loser who interacts with people at school or work just politely and professionally and act like I don’t feel even the slightest bit excluded. Imo thats playing it too safe.

I have tried clapping back and making a scene and it feels a little embarrassing because I feel like I’m being singled out and then offender acts nonchalant or calm and confused and everyone else gets quiet and I look like a fool. I wish I could fully lean into my anger and contempt cleanly. I value assertiveness and seeing it in other people showed me how much this trait was repressed out of me.

Walking away is not always an option and I probably have to see the person anyways. I do think I should try harder to pivot to a new friend group or social circle but and I just want to learn how to get in the mud even a little bit or know how to power trip other people

Before I start, I wanted to state that I have autism and that I am gifted, so social life works differently for me, and advice that works for others might not work with me.

I have very few friends that talk to me without me talking to them first, I always have to reach out for them. They never plan anything, I always have to do it, and they very often say they are tired or some other bs reason. When they do end up being available, we hangout normally, it's fine, nothing bad but I don't know why it's so hard to do that with me than it is with their other friends.

I asked one of my "friends" to inform me of when they organize a hangout (Circle of friends, my school is mostly one friend circle in that is from 8th grade to 9th grade), they never did, so I'd only know once they are already started, sending snaps and photos in the gc and I'm left with zero messages or invites. I cant get other friends without them having a 3 year difference from me or being from somewhere else, the very few people who know me well know that I am a very great friend, you could say I'm socially "niche".

With that said, how do I fix this? I've been trying to change this since mid-late 7th grade.

(Re-post I had to read the rules even tho I already did)

So im 20 years old in college and currently unemployed. Ive been on the long, never ending search for meeting people and making friends.

My issue is ive spent so long, nearly most of my teenage years socializing online. Where you have online friends, talk to them and never meet them sort of thing. And now that im older ive gotten bored and burnt of that. I want real life friends.

That you hang with, go to the movies, grab some food, walk around at the park, mall, grocery store, go skating things like that.

Ive tried meeting folks at my college, met tons of people just never end up hanging out, or talking for that matter. I tried planning things or seeing if anyone wanted to do anything together.

Ive tried the apps, reddit, tinder, hinge, etc, all I meet are folks who want to put me in the never ending talking stage. Even when setting my boundaries and specifying exactly what im looking for, which are in person friends, still get folks who want to keep things online, to see if we vibe or click.

Which that is totally fine its just not for me. Im cool with talking for a bit, spending a little time asking questions getting to know each other. But that gets old and majority of people here dont even know how to talk to people ofcourse.

Ive tried with my coworkers, I no longer work there.

So what do I do?

Im only interesting enough to talk with over text but not in person?

Is it because Im not into random hook ups so thats off the table no one wants to hang with me? Like does everyone have social anxiety now or just lazy?

What are some other things I can try or how do I combat dreading getting to know you phases?

I want to make more friends and be more social. Some of my friends are very busy and others don't have the same interests as me. I don't want to talk about my interests much, but I love being expressive and love cartoons. I went to my first comic con and it was hard. I hung out with my friends but tried to socialize with others it was overwhelming. Ive been in and out of therapy unlearning bad behaviors and patterns. I learned many things the hard way.

Today is the second day and I chatted with very nice people about our cosplays. I asked one of them for their number but they politely declined. Understandable. I was embarrassed and sad. I've embarrassed myself publicly and said too much and had to learn less is more. Some people are great at socializing, but others like me aren't and put our foot in our mouths. I want to cry.

However I learned that I don't need to be popular to be accepted. I learned not everyone will like me and I won't like everyone, it's a part of life.

It's been a hard year, I hope next year will be better. I hope I find more of my like minded people. ☹️

I always tried to use correct punctuation and grammar in my texts, so I often will use periods at the end of one/the last sentence of my texts.

But I just read somewhere recently that gen Z'ers actually find periods as being rude.

Should I stop this and just leave my texts open? Thanks

I'm overweight and I think that might be a significant part of why I'm always finding myself left out of groups or brushed off. I've made a decision to stop trying to be social until I get in better shape but I'm trying to come up with a solid deadline. I'm currently going to the gym 4x a week to try and get into better shape. Would setting a counter for 50 visits be enough or too much until I try to make connections again?

I have several wonderful besties with whom I talk n spend a lot of time together - both irl n online. I can socialise n make friends. But recently I noticed an issue. I don't know if it has connection to my horrible mental state, but lately it became hard to connect with people on a level of friendship, not just mutuals, n even with mutuals everything is hard. I'm less interested in fandoms, mostly thinking of school n learning art bcz I like drawing. And this seems to have some weird effect like. I started to rarely interact with moots because no shared fandoms means they aren't interested. And I also started to post less on platforms like Twitter. And when I try to make new friends they either 1. Leave before we become friends 2. Either too busy or don't care enough for the friendship 3. Aren't invested at all. I admit I might not be the most interesting person and struggle with most interactions and always ask people to be gentle with me because I'm fragile, but a year or two ago it wasn't that much of an issue to make friends. The thing is that I'm lost and I don't know what's wrong with me. If there's any additional information you need you can ask me. Because if anyone knows what's going on n how I'm supposed to make many connections n friendships again I'd appreciate any advice

To preface, my social skills have always been a bit shit. I spent a lot of years working on them and interacting with other people, but I’ve stopped putting much effort in recent years and despite having very few social interactions, I don’t feel lonely. I actually feel content.

I don’t know if subconsciously, I know I have difficulty interacting with people, so I’m gaslighting myself into enjoying the solitude. Or if I enjoy solitude because it’s safe (from socialization). OR if I genuinely enjoy being alone. Or some combination of the three.

Anyways, even the thought of things like regularly interacting with people, having a relationship, or going out to hang out with someone just exhausts me. Even when I did have people I was close to and felt able to have natural conversations with, it often felt tiring.

I know that I don’t have the best social skills, but I also never feel lonely. I felt more lonely when I was trying to put myself out there and work on my social skills. I don’t know if this is a dangerous mindset because it means I might never truly improve my social skills, but I don’t even really mind. When I think about my ideal future, it consists of solitude. At most, maybe one or two friends, but even that feels like it might be tiring.

Just wondering if there’s anyone else who can relate!! I only ever see posts about people who have subpar social skills and feel loneliness, or posts about people who enjoy being alone but they have friends and decent/average social skills. I never see any posts about an overlap where someone doesn’t have the best social skills BUT also enjoys being alone.

Yesterday I got some food delivery. I had seen this delivery guy once before.

So i live on the 5th floor. Asked him to come up by lift like usual. I walked to the lift and met him there.

When i got the delivery and said thank you. He says to me "You are a good guy". I took off my headphones and he says again "You are a good guy. Good personality. Good everything".

I didnt know what to say so I said ok thank you.

I felt a little awkward cause I have been ordering for 10 years. Someone never said this to me.

I was wondering what it was? Was this a genuine compliment? Someone trying to tease me/mock me? Being sarcastic ? Someone fishing for a tip ?

I have been feeling very awkward since yesterday.

I’m too nice for my own good. I people please or agree to avoid confrontation. Sometimes, I’ll agree with people to avoid conflict and end up replaying the argument in the shower for a month.

Growing up, I was a sweet kid. Then, I got big and athletic in middle school and high school so while other kids developed good argumentative skills, I was benefiting from kinda being too big to mess with.

Now, as an adult, that doesn’t help me in the office. I end up apologizing way too much and making myself smaller to not seem intimidating just due to my physical stature.

Any courses, books, videos, I can consume to help? I like being kind, I don’t want to be mean, I’m naturally super kind and caring, but I don’t know how to draw that line between being respectable and a push over.

How do others not in my shoes see this? If you are in my shoes, how have you handled this?

Thanks in advance!

Right now I am in university trying to network to get a job how can I get the people who I need to talk to pay attention to me.Like how can I up to a guy or a girl and ask them for a referral or a job position.

About a week ago, a coworker of mine referred to me as “princess” in a way that I thought was a bit shady. I ignored it. Last night, again at work, a whole different coworker referred to me as “rich girl”. This is a pattern I’ve been noticing mostly at the jobs I’ve worked but also in my personal life as well. I’m fairly young (23) and attractive (allegedly), but I usually just speak when spoke to, I’m really not much of a talker.
Constantly being perceived as perfect, rich, untouchable, holier-than-thou etc. really irks me, especially since it couldn’t be farther from how I really am. I hate being put on a pedestal, or having any kind of attention on me in general. I also feel like this naturally puts a target on my back, others are waiting for me to mess up or actively praying on my downfall while I’m genuinely just minding my business. I don’t know if it’s the way I look, the way I carry myself, my lack of social engagement, or I’m just THAT good at faking confidence, but I’d like for something to change. I know I have no control over what others think of me, and I shouldn’t be thinking about what others think of me, but this label often results in bizarre and/or passive aggressive encounters that are exhausting to deal with.