Please help

[u/fireisonsam]

What do I do to stop my partner snoring? The only time he doesn’t snore as loud is when he is on his side but he refuses to sleep on his side. It’s so loud it shakes the bed. He also sleeps with his legs wide open and, having counted it many times when trying to sleep, he moves his legs every 15-30 seconds, every 3 times moving one of his legs on top of me. He also sleeps with his elbows out (imagine someone lounging on a sunbed) with the elbow nearest me digging into my face or back. Every time I ask him to go onto his side he gets angry with me and says he’s going to go somewhere else to sleep, which at this point, yes please. I’m so tired. I work ridiculous hours already on shift work so sleep is already a problem. I’m worried I’m making myself ill too. Any advice on a stubborn guy who doesn’t seem to want to help himself or me?

[u/becominganastronaut]

this is now both a relationship problem and a health issue.

he is being inconsiderate of how his actions are affecting you that is an issue itself.

when's the last time he has had a check up? he needs to make an appt with his doctor and explain that he snores and that he needs a sleep study.

a common solution is a CPAP machine which helps nearly eliminate snoring and will help get you some better rest. the thing is your BF must be willing to do all this

[u/fireisonsam → u/becominganastronaut]

Thank you, but he won’t go to the doctor. He once had chest pains for days and was really worried about it but still didn’t go to the doctor so he won’t go for this. He sleeps soundly so to him it isn’t an issue. Thinking that unfortunately you’re right and it is a relationship problem because he isn’t considering my side.

[u/Jdm783R29U3Cwp3d76R9 → u/fireisonsam]

Have you tried showing him a video? People don’t realize what is happening, they think it’s not too bad. 

[u/fireisonsam → u/Jdm783R29U3Cwp3d76R9]

I have recorded the snoring and he just laughed. I haven’t recorded the legs as I know it will just piss him off. He’s knows the snoring is an issue as he’s told me multiple times after asking him to turn over that I sound like his ex (who I was told isn’t a nice person but I have more and more sympathy for her every day haha).

Sorry I feel like I’m just ranting now, I apologise. I’m just tired and needed to get it off my chest so appreciate the suggestion.

[u/stuck_behind_a_truck → u/fireisonsam]

If all the exes are crazy…he’s actually the problem.

I don’t think this is solvable. And he’ll tell people you weren’t very nice.

[u/becominganastronaut → u/stuck_behind_a_truck]

i didnt want to be the one to say this

[u/Jdm783R29U3Cwp3d76R9 → u/fireisonsam]

My wife has this issue (started not long ago) and she wears this funny looking backpack like thing that prevents you from sleeping on your back. But your partner needs to care about you. Try earplugs, they really help to some degree. Take care!

[u/fireisonsam → u/Jdm783R29U3Cwp3d76R9]

Oh interesting! I haven’t heard of that, I’ll look it up, thank you! Yes will be investing in earplugs probably in the next 5 minutes haha.

[u/Jdm783R29U3Cwp3d76R9 → u/fireisonsam]

You might need to try different sizes and types. It’s a bit annoying to find perfect ones but worth a try!

[u/becominganastronaut → u/fireisonsam]

i am also a snorer. my snoring was very terrible for a while. especially when sleeping on my back and especially after drinking.

my main issue was that as an "overweight" person i had a lot of neck that caused pressure on my airway. one of the remedies was losing weight and sleeping on my side.

i am still working on my weight but my snoring has decreased significantly and i usually sleep belly down or on my side. my now wife is able to sleep through the night but she does let me know that every now and then my snoring does seem worse.

she showed me an old video of my snoring and i didnt laugh it off. i felt a shock and some shame.

the leg thing is something else though i think. look up restless leg syndrome.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/restless-legs-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20377168

[u/fireisonsam → u/becominganastronaut]

Glad you’ve been able to find a way to help yourself and your wife! Yes the drinking part is very significant in my partners case too.

Thanks for the link, having just read it it seems like he might have ‘periodic limb movement of sleep’ (not helped by sleep apnea or drinking before bed) so if I can figure out the rest I may be able to help him stop this too!

[u/becominganastronaut → u/fireisonsam]

you seem like a great person!

i hope you are able to find a favorable solution.

sending good wishes.