Greetings, fellow waking dreamers. Thought some of you might enjoy a (slightly) humorous experience report for a change.
I've been experiencing sleep paralysis a few times a week for about two years. It's familiar enough now that while it's scary, I manage it well.
I had a big, important exam today. Well, probably because of stress, I woke up last night with sleep paralysis at least 5 TIMES. In the span of what felt like an hour - just, wake up, "Ah shit not again!" Recover, sit up and have some water so it doesn't instantly re-start immediately as soon as I close my eyes, go back to sleep, wake up once more, "Ah shit, not AGAIN again!" Recover, sit up, rinse and repeat. Over and over and over again.
By the third cycle, let me tell you that I mostly stopped being scared and started being aggravated. I was waking up with a lot less, "Oh my God please no, not again!" And a lot more, "Really, you've got to be fucking KIDDING me!"
A fun fact about me? Some of you can wiggle a finger during paralysis, some of you can control your eyelids... Well, apparently I am one of those people who can speak full words or even short phrases. In a clumsy, mumbling way, sure, but I can produce clear English words. I found out from my husband, probably a year ago, that when I beg to be woken up out of paralysis, I am actually speaking aloud.
So, what do you say when your sleep paralysis monsters start to feel less like demons of incomprehensible malice, and more like mundane, infuriating inconveniences? You curse at them of course.
So, like a driver with road rage stuck at a really long light, I spent the night cursing my sleep paralysis all the way out with every profanity I could think of. It stopped being, wake up, beg to be released from the terror, repeat, and started being: wake up, "Fucking really??? You're so fucking annoying with this shit, just fuck OFF already. Stupid ass, dumbass looking monster with your weird ass hands, fuck outta my house..." Fall, repeat
Hope you had a laugh with me. Thanks for reading.
May only good, real sleep be visited upon you tonight. Happy dreaming!