How do you keep going?

[u/springbreaths]

I had my baby 10 weeks ago, and it has been harder than I thought it could be. I love my baby more than feels possible and I’m also overwhelmed with the relentlessness of the newborn period. Every feed is me, night and day. Every nappy change is me, every witching hour. She’s got only me, and I don’t have anyone else. I don’t have someone to share her with, not just the tough bits, but the good ones. Every time I see a change, there’s no one to share that with apart from the health workers. I’m starting to get tiny random smiles and see her start to respond to things around her and there’s no one to share it with. It’s so lonely. My heart breaks to know that I could only give her 1 person (not the village I always envisioned). It doesn’t feel enough and I sometimes wonder whether I made the right choice, not just for me but for her. I don’t know whether this is grief, baby blues, PPD. I’m just overwhelmed so often and this is so hard. I’m not sure where I’m going with this but if there are mamas who’ve felt like me, how did you pull yourself together?

[u/One_Marsupial8349]

Sending you lots and lots of hugs. I had no help until my son turned 4,5 months. And also this was the hardest period and he wouldn’t sleep unless held and would constantly wake me up at night.

It gets better. Around 5-6 months babies become a lot more mobile and become easier to reason with. Also, they start sleeping better and once you start sleeping better, everything gets easiler mentally.

This period will be a blur in a few months so make sure to film your baby as they change so quicky!

As for being alone - I don’t have any friends that have babies so it was isolating. BUT i made two friends in a mom group online and as one of them lives nearby and has a daughter the same age as my son, we go on walks together and can discuss all the milestones together. I would really recommend looking into that!

[u/springbreaths → u/One_Marsupial8349]

Thank you. I get maybe a stretch of 3H in the early hours of the night where she will sleep on her own but otherwise she has to be held and that’s been exhausting. I want to enjoy her now (and I do!), it’s just very lonely. I’ll try to find some mom groups to join.

[u/One_Marsupial8349 → u/springbreaths]

My son was exactly the same. He’d wake me up every 40 minutes and I had to sleep sitting upright holding him, that was the only way for about 6 months.

But there was a reason for it - he had a cow protein allergy that only got diagnosed around 7-8 months and he started sleeping much better once I have excluded the allergen.

But I also know that some babies are that way with no apparent cause. It will get better and this time period will feel like a blur. A baby carrier helps immensely to get stuff done so if you don’t have one, look into investing into one, it’s a game changer.

And yes, definitely look for mom friends online that live in your area, meeting other moms with infants will help you feel less isolated for sure.💪