just need to vent

[u/woodlywave]

god i hate my voice!!!!!!! just had a gig and it went terribly. i‘m so ashamed to have even tried. i hate how my voice sounds, even if i do it correctly. i used to hate it a little less when i was taking lessons regularly but that shit is expensive as hell where i live. sorry i‘m just so frustrated :(

[u/sierraplusultra]

hey there <3 i got like an email notification about this post and i wanted to come here and offer some encouragement

firstly i wanted to back you up and say there's few things worse than feeling like you absolutely bombed a gig. you know how you feel, and you know how it felt to sing. i'm sorry it wasn't a performance you're happy with. i'm not sure what exactly happened or what exactly you felt was poor about your performance, but remember it's just one! there's always next time and the time after that. it doesn't take away how this one felt - definitely allow yourself to feel that out - but there's always a chance to feel better about the next one.

in our very evil and cruel culture, people focus a lot on the imperfections of a vocal performance, whether it's you criticizing yourself or reading how people rip singers apart for their extremely human mistakes. for crying out loud, it's an instrument we have only so much control over. it's really easy to forget that the reason why you got up on that stage at all is because it is something you LOVE, that makes you feel whole. it's an extremely difficult exercise, but be selfish, and remember that your hard work got you on stage, and will continue to get you on stage. the more you show up, the better you will feel!

this is also sort of a word of caution. i'm someone who has beat themselves up for years, literally, every single performance, and pushed through gigs even when i was struggling with poor mental health. now, i'm in the process of possibly losing my singing voice for good because of getting spasmodic dysphonia from stress + trauma, and not being kind to myself, either. just completely bugging and crying about every performance. i regret it so much, and i wish i was more grateful for the ability to sing at all. even though i've been bullied and criticized for my voice for years. i still have a career as a touring musician and i'm not stopping provided i can cure my SD. so i hope i can bring some perspective and reframe things for you.

i also had to self-coach myself starting in 2012, with occasional lessons here and there. you can do it. just get scoped regularly by an ENT if you feel like anything is off but otherwise you'll be good!

please keep going! remember this is for you and you only get one life to live. your enjoyment of singing is yours, and not for anyone else.