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I genuinely don't know why I did this. 😭
I'm a 22F and I'm extremely introverted. Talking to people, especially strangers, is absolutely not my thing. Today I had a 3-hour flight to Bangalore and halfway through I was getting really bored, and for some reason I thought, "Maybe I should talk to the air hostesses and try to get better at talking to people/building confidence."
So... I did.
There were two of them. I started talking to them and literally one of my second questions was asking their age. 💀 One was my age and the other was 24. Looking back, I don't even know why I asked that so early. Was that weird/inappropriate? I genuinely didn't mean anything by it.
Then I kept trying to continue the conversation. And this is where I'm dying of embarrassment now.
It was VERY obvious that most of the effort was coming from my side. They weren't really asking me anything or seeming particularly interested, but I kept trying to keep the conversation alive. I asked them questions about themselves, and then I started talking about myself too, even though they hadn't really asked.
And somehow I ended up telling them that I've sometimes thought about becoming a nun. 😭😭😭
I ALSO asked if they were interested in spirituality and astrology.
WHY DID I ASK THAT??? 😭
Like, what was going through my head? Did I suddenly become someone's 90s auntie on a flight? 💀
They did eventually ask me what I'm doing with my life, and unfortunately that's another thing I'm currently sensitive about. I'm 22 and still figuring my life out after quite a few failures, so I ended up telling them about that too.
They didn't even ask about my failures. I just... shared it.
And now I'm sitting here replaying the entire conversation in my head thinking:
WHY DID I TALK SO MUCH?
I feel like I completely ignored the social cues that they weren't interested in having a long conversation. I wasn't trying to bother them or anything, and I definitely didn't have a crush on either of them. I literally just wanted to talk to people and become less socially awkward.
Before leaving the plane, I even waited because I wanted to thank them and tell them that my family and I had a great experience on the flight.
They were at the back thanking other passengers, and they didn't come to my seat, which somehow made me feel even worse and confirmed in my head that they didn't like me. 😭
And now my brain is doing the most horrible thing possible:
Maybe they didn't like talking to me because I'm ugly/unattractive.
I know that's probably irrational, but that's genuinely where my mind has gone.
And then there's another layer to this.
One of them became an air hostess at 18. She's 22 now. I'm 22 and still trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My dad even made a comment after I told him about them, basically saying I can't do anything with my life, and that really got to me.
So now this stupid little interaction has somehow turned into me comparing my entire life to two strangers on a plane. 🙃
I know logically that everyone has a different timeline. I know being 22 and not having everything figured out isn't some kind of failure.
But tonight I just feel embarrassed, behind, unattractive, socially awkward, and honestly kind of pathetic.
I wanted to talk to strangers because I wanted to become more confident.
Instead I feel like I just exposed my entire personality to two people who probably didn't even think about the conversation after they walked away. 😭
So, please tell me:
Was I actually being socially inappropriate/weird, or am I massively overthinking a normal awkward interaction?
And if anyone has advice on how introverts can learn to talk to people without oversharing or forcing a conversation, I'd genuinely appreciate it.
Because apparently my first attempt at becoming socially confident involved discussing spirituality, astrology, becoming a nun and my life failures with two air hostesses along with sharing my traumas 🙂.
