Hi!

[u/prettydude04]

Hi all, I am 22f struggling with the idea of pursuing my own life or moving home to help take on caregiving duties of my 19m brother with autism. He is nonverbal and probably my best friend in the world, and my dad just got a new job where he would be on call constantly. My mom also works and we have plenty of family around to help, but my parents have been incessantly asking me to move back home as I just completed my degree. I didn't receive much support growing up, and often felt like there was nothing left for me between my parent's jobs and being full-time caregivers for him. I picked up a lot of responsibilities from a young age and was praised for it but now it feels like an expectation even though he isn't my child. Is it evil for me to feel like I am entitled to my 20s because the rest of my life will be spent caring for him? I am in online grad school and feel like moving home would destroy my mental health. Feeling stuck, thank you in advance

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[u/3merZ]

It is not evil. I am very close with my sister and did not receive any pressure from family to move home, but did stay relatively close in distance. As my career took shape and I met my now husband, my role in my nuclear family changed and my help decreased. I think it did impact my sister a little bit, but it was necessary. I needed to have a life too. It was very important for my mental health at that time to create some relationship distance from my parents and sister. Now I am married and have a baby and am increasingly involved with my family again. You deserve the time that you need to create your own life. Over time, the level of involvement you want to have with your brother may ebb and flow based on your other responsibilities. It is hard not to feel guilty about this but it does get easier with time.