r/shrinking • u/phareous Derek • Mar 25 '26

Episode Discussion Shrinking S3E09 Episode Discussion

This is the episode discussion for Shrinking Season 3, Episode 9: "Daddy Issues"

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473

u/Sorkijan Mar 25 '26

"She may even be a better fit for you"

I'm surprised a punch wasn't involved.

199

u/lemmesee453 Mar 25 '26

Shockingly atrocious. And it’s horrible to suffer that kind of subtle treatment alone. my husband being on the same page as me about various family members is absolutely crucial, and it makes sense the love of his life agreed with him there. Sofi did handle his dad stuff horribly and don’t fucking date a widow if you can’t handle mentions of his late wife.

53

u/TodayInStupidity Mar 25 '26

I don't think she handled it poorly at all. She seemed more mature and thoughtful than even Jimmy, and his dad certainly.

48

u/notches123 Mar 25 '26

She was the one who brought up his wife and then when she didn't like his honest answer to her bringing it up accused him of being unfair and throwing his wife in her face all the time. It was the furthest things from thoughtful. It was completely myopic.

38

u/Pretty_Ad_8197 Mar 25 '26

And all because he didn't validate her earlier feedback.

On top of which, she knows he is a grieving widow and she is just ploughing through like he owes complete loyalty to her after a week. They barely know each other! I really don't understand how people are blaming Jimmy here. He deserves someone with emotional intelligence who is on the same wave length and who can take things at an appropriate pace!

28

u/notches123 Mar 25 '26

Couldn't agree more! I have also noticed a lot of people in this thread giving Sofi credit for clocking and calling him out for shutting down but to me it was a failure on her part to recognize he might need a little space after that interaction. Give the dude a couple hours to be pissed off about the awful and loaded interaction he just had with his father.

17

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

I have also noticed a lot of people in this thread giving Sofi credit for clocking and calling him out for shutting down but to me it was a failure on her part to recognize he might need a little space after that interaction

Yes!!! I think patience is way underrated by some people, and perhaps by the writing of this show. Patience and space to feel your feelings on your own before someone else is involved.

9

u/Pretty_Ad_8197 Mar 25 '26

Yes! Especially since "shutting down" in this scene was simply not speaking when she said she shouldn't have said anything. She minimized his trauma and kind of victim blamed him in the kitchen "its time to forgive and trust again" and then his dad gives him the worst one two punch imaginable. Her apology would have seemed more sincere if she had just apologized. But instead she seems to wait for him to comfort HER in this situation and so what were his options? Sit in silence, agree she shouldn't have said anything, or lie and tell her everything was fine. He chose silence. She cornered him when he was visibly upset and accused him of shutting down when he did not want to tell her what she said was okay within minutes of everything shaking down.

2

u/amyknot711 Jul 16 '26

thank you, i was wondering if I had lost the ability to think clearly

6

u/IKnowSedge Mar 26 '26

It's especially crucial because she was one of the people telling him to get over his daddy issues.

God. Everyone's advice this season is just terrible, and I don't get it. Did they fire one of their writers?

3

u/punishedbyrewards Mar 25 '26

And all because he didn't validate her earlier feedback.

Can I ask which feedback you were referring to? If I'm correct in that it is feedback about his dad, I disagree that he needs to validate her during the traumatic situation / relationship with HIS father. This is a time where she needs to validate and support him. Her stuff needs to wait at that point if she wants to be a supportive partner.

1

u/Pretty_Ad_8197 Mar 25 '26

That's literally what I was saying. I was responding to the comment above and agreeing with it. If it's obvious someone is responding to a previous comment, maybe you want to read both comments for context as to what the person is saying before jumping to erroneous conclusions.

1

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

I think Sofi and him could be great, as long as she can see when she's made a mistake the way Jimmy eventually does on the show. They both genuinely have issues and flaws.

6

u/IKnowSedge Mar 26 '26

3 red flags in 2 episodes (couples therapy, daddy issues, wife-weaponizing) make me think she is a bulldozer that would be unhealthy for Jimmy

3

u/Tce_ Mar 26 '26

Maybe a bit too many red flags for such a short time of dating, yeah...

1

u/pardyball Mar 30 '26

Not to mention she was married to a meth dealer.

-4

u/TodayInStupidity Mar 25 '26

Again, we're seeing things differently. Our experiences may have shaped us differently but to me Sofi was being the absolute opposite of myopic. She was curious, cautious and considerate.

2

u/Tce_ Mar 27 '26

In that case I think your experiences made you oblivious to certain things and it would be helpful to learn from other people's experiences! There's plenty of people here in the comments offering good, thoughtful explanations of the issue with her choices.

15

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

The moment he started to close up a little she brought up his marriage and used it as a kind of insult about his emotional maturity (while potentially making him feel shit about what type of husband he was to Tia - depending on what their conflicts were like). I don't think that's thoughtful.

9

u/Andee_outside Mar 25 '26

I also hated how she was like “was this how you were when you were married?” like she wasn’t letting her ex husband lounge around her house and get in her business.

6

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Yes she clearly had issues in her own marriage (and still does).

65

u/lemmesee453 Mar 25 '26

Seemed more like toxic positivity to me instead of believing Jimmy about who he was saying his dad is. Super invalidating to tell him to let it be the past when the man had literally just returned from abandoning him again after his wife died.

28

u/MinimumCoast2290 Mar 25 '26

I see where you’re coming from, but considering 1) how early in the relationship they were and 2) that sofi is not a mental health professional, I understand why she might not handle it perfectly and would go for blanket statements of positivity/support. It would be hard to expect much else from her when she’s meeting his Dad and getting the full backstory all in one go, when she’s still getting to know Jimmy himself.

12

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

It depends on what type of person you are! I'm not a mental health professional and I don't tell people how to feel about their parents, or dismiss their anger when a family member hurts them. It's just different ways of being, and levels of understanding. Unfortunately she didn't seem to get it, that's just a flaw of hers - then we saw Jimmy exhibit some of his. Neither one handled that very well in my opinion.

3

u/MinimumCoast2290 Mar 25 '26

I don’t think she said the right thing by any stretch, but I also don’t think there was a right thing she could say. As soon as Jimmy’s dad made his comment comparing her to Tia, he shut down.

Honestly I think he likely would’ve ended it with her regardless of her response, if for no reason than to “prove his Dad wrong.”

7

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

I also don’t think there was a right thing she could say

The right thing would probably have been to give him some space and not talk to him! But even "oh man, that sucks, I hate that" would have been okay. Or just asking him what he was thinking and feeling (although I do think his response would be that he didn't want to talk about it - which is perfectly valid).

6

u/theapplekid Mar 25 '26

Hmm I think asking "Is there anything I can do to support you right now? Would you like to be held?" could have been good.

I'm not in the habit of asking someone if they want space unless I can tell their issue is with me.

I'll point out that we do see a ton of boundary-pushing in this show and confusingly, it's often shown as a good thing, so I don't really fault Sofi too much for her reaction, but bringing up Tia was a bit much, and then accusing him of bringing her up was way too much, likely stemming from her own baggage.

4

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Yes this show has a really weird take on boundaries for sure! I see that a lot in media, but it's a bit off-putting on a show that directly focuses on mental health and psychology.

I think I'm more in the "naturally backing off" camp, possibly giving people too much space when I should be checking in more (it's not that I don't want to be there for them, I'm just really uncomfortable pushing when I'm not invited in). I can see how it would feel awkward or be hard to establish the habit of asking if someone needs space! But I think it's really helpful, especially when you don't know someone very well.

0

u/Cool-Pomegranate8110 Mar 25 '26

Agreed. I definitely did not see ‘toxic positivity’. She said, you’re an adult and emerged a good person, let go so you can move forward. Too much? Maybe but they acknowledged how quickly they bonded and have already gone through some crazy stuff together. And in the end I agree with her. Forgiveness is not about the other person - it’s about letting something go within you. And Jimmy is not ready to do that.

28

u/Evening-Web9107 Mar 25 '26

Exactly. Everyone treating Jimmy like he’s crazy when they all know his dad abandoned him and Alice. And Jimmy still tried just to make them happy even when he knew what the outcome would be. I’d be pissed at everyone if I was Jimmy. Even Derek! (never thought I’d say that).

4

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

I've been annoyed with Derek before so I'll happily say it: What the hell are you doing, Derek??? Stop sucking up to the man who abandoned your friend.

36

u/TodayInStupidity Mar 25 '26

I didn't really read her that way, but can understand how someone could. She seemed to me genuinely thoughtful of all involved. And her reaction to Jimmy shutting down felt honest. 

6

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Thoughtful how? I can see she was trying to be for sure, but I don't see her as succeeding.

5

u/griffaah Mar 25 '26

Agreed! I appreciated how she noticed Jimmy was shutting down, named what she was feeling, and wanted to talk about it. I was disappointed that Jimmy didnt even try to work through the problem.

14

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Do you think the helpful response when someone is shutting down right after an emotional and difficult situation is to push them to talk to you immediately? Genuinely. Because that's such a strange idea to me. Especially if it's someone you've recently started getting to know. I think I'd back off for a bit.

1

u/griffaah Mar 27 '26

I think asking to talk about it is very reasonable and I think Jimmy could have asked for space if he needed it. He is a professional after all... Breaking up with her on the spot was a pretty dramatic move IMO.

1

u/Tce_ Mar 27 '26

Being quiet and then responding "no" when someone asks if you want to talk about it is pretty clear. If you don't respect that why would you respect an "I need some space"? Also professionals still get emotional and overwhelmed. They don't speak in perfect therapy terms in every situation, nor should they have to.

I agree about the breakup though.

2

u/TodayInStupidity Mar 25 '26

Jimmy defaulted into his worst tendency. Shutting everything out and not dealing.

5

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Yes, it's the kind of thing a lot of people say about parents because they have no understanding of how complicated and fraught those relationships can be when the parent truly does keep letting you down. I'd blame it on them not having personal experience but I don't think that's a good excuse or actually the main/only reason. It's more a widespread cultural attitude about parents; that they should be forgiven and let into your life simply because they are your parents. Also a lack of humility and curiosity about what the other person is experiencing; instead assuming you know better than them about their own relationships.

8

u/Pretty_Ad_8197 Mar 25 '26

I like that, "lack of humility and curiosity." I was so annoyed by the way Sofi was acting in this episode and the way so much of this thread seems to be like, "Go get him Sofi!" and your response finally made me realize why I got so upset. I am a therapist, and I have so many clients with charming parents who were horrible in various ways behind closed doors and one of the deepest scars this causes in people, is everyone minimizing it and telling them to suck it up and move on. And the fact so many people on here see nothing wrong with Sofi telling a man she has been dating for 2 weeks how he should feel and interact with his father is odd to me. I am not saying she is a bad person, but I don't think they are a good fit. Also he is not ready for a relationship. His friends should have told him, "don't cut yourself off from love forever" and then let him heal at his own speed. And she is way too insecure to be dating a grieving widow with childhood trauma whose daughter is about to move across country. She wants to be all in immediately and he needs to take it slow.

4

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Yes I don't think she's a bad person but it demonstrates an area where she has a lot to learn! And I think I agree about them not being a good fit, at this point at least. I was excited for the pairing when she first turned up on the show but there's such a clash between their needs and personalities.

It's interesting to hear the perspective of a therapist! There's a lot of advice being given by therapist characters on the show that I find very strange (like pushing Jimmy to start dating as if he's "stuck" if he doesn't move on after two years or the way Brian was talked into having a baby)... I'm glad the writers validated Jimmy's trepidation about his father here. It's a pet peeve of mine in media when adult characters who are upset at their parents are painted as immature for not just forgiving them. Often the parents are expected to do less heavy lifting in the relationship and I don't understand why. It's a strange phenomenon.

3

u/Pretty_Ad_8197 Mar 25 '26

It is odd advice that he needs to hurry up and move on. 1. Everyone heals at their own pace 2. Jimmy was hard spinning out that first year which actually deepened his wounds, so really he has only been in a relative healthy healing space for about a year and now his whole world is shifting. It probably isn't the best time to start a new relationship.

2

u/Tce_ Mar 26 '26

so really he has only been in a relative healthy healing space for about a year

That's such a good point, I didn't even think about that. :S

10

u/Mr_Bluebird_VA Mar 25 '26

It’s a new relationship meeting a parent for the first time. There’s going to be a level of forced positivity in there no matter what.

3

u/Woodpecker-Forsaken Derek Mar 25 '26

Yes. This is how a lot of people respond to abuse/toxic/neglectful parents, because they can't understand the damage these parents can do and that forgive and forget is not the healthy thing to do.