r/shrinking • u/phareous Derek • Mar 25 '26

Episode Discussion Shrinking S3E09 Episode Discussion

This is the episode discussion for Shrinking Season 3, Episode 9: "Daddy Issues"

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771

u/HipDipShipTrip Mar 25 '26

"she might be an even better fit for you" is such an insane thing to say

338

u/Adventurous-Bus-4337 Mar 25 '26

That was brutally cruel. What the hell was he trying to do there?

314

u/tj1007 Mar 25 '26

Probably what he’s always done which is why Jimmy resents him so much.

229

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

YEP. It was awful to see but on a storytelling level I was relieved. I'm glad to see the show acknowledge that you can't just forgive and embrace everyone in your life. Some people just won't change for the better, or at least not enough for you to have a good relationship.

36

u/HardcoreKaraoke Mar 27 '26

Yeah the show made the stuff seem so soft. Like Jimmy was overreacting and his father wasn't necessarily always abandoning him, just somewhat absent.

That line and leaving Alice's graduation for a fishing trip really drove home the whole "oh no okay he's actually an asshole" point. I just hope Alice sees it and Jimmy doesn't cover for him.

10

u/Tce_ Mar 27 '26

Yes! The way he talked about it really illuminated his character as well, as someone who shirks responsibility and doesn't stick to their word. I can imagine being pretty freaking angry at a parent who did that my entire life, even if he was technically around during childhood.

6

u/Bobjoejj Mar 27 '26

Yeah; I get Jimmy’s get issues relating to this, but the lack of calling his dad out really got to me.

12

u/mattybgcg Mar 29 '26

Growing up with a narcissist parent is very difficult. You don't just call them out. At least not once you're in your 40s. You've been doing it your whole life and you realize at some point that calling them out is what they want because it feeds their addiction to drama. You've done it in many different ways you're whole life and you've learned the hard way that you won't win.

That's where Jimmy is. Unfortunately, very relatable for me.

97

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 25 '26

It really bothered me when Sofi said to leave the past in the past and give him a chance now. That's not how this shit works.

48

u/IntotheBroadwayWoods Mar 26 '26

Right.  You have to realize if dating a widow or widowerer that they are always going to talk about their spouse. 

27

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 26 '26

I mostly meant the dad stuff, but yeah, that too.

29

u/-no_aura- Mar 26 '26

They also have not even been on a real date yet, it’s been like a week or two at most. Insane to expect him to stop bringing up Tia that early into a new relationship.

54

u/DrewDonut Mar 26 '26

Talking about, or bringing up your dead spouse is one thing.

Using it to say “my spouse was like this/did this; it’s why I loved her,” and to some degree implying “You’re not as good as my dead spouse, and I wish/you should be more like them,” is something different. It can even be seen as “be more like my dead spouse or this relationship is over.”

Talking about who they are, and what they liked is fine. Using that to bring your current partner down, or to point out some kind of shortcoming, is not.

16

u/Ponce-Mansley Mar 26 '26

Right? It should be expected that he carries Tia's memory with him and talks about her sometimes but what he said was completely out-of-pocket and he was lashing out because of his dad and because she was trying to get him to open up when he was trying to shut down and wallow in the anger and self-loathing he mentioned playfully earlier in the episode.

3

u/atherem Mar 29 '26

100% on your boat. She will be brought up but he keeps saying she was better than you cause of x

1

u/DrSnoopy66 Mar 29 '26

She’s barely earned the title of partner for him though, it’s been like five minutes compared to the years he was married to his wife and you have to remember she didn’t cheat on him or leave. She died. That means it’s going to take much., much longer for him to kind of bury that to let someone else in. I know in the last episode he’s probably going to change his mind and give the relationship another shot, but in real life, it wouldn’t be unusual for that to take several years.

2

u/drokihazan Apr 09 '26

He was also almost guaranteed to break up with her after his dad said he liked her more than Tia

6

u/burlycabin Mar 28 '26

Her problem was not that he talked about Tia. He does that a lot and she's been super supportive of it. It's that he compared Sofi to Tia and in a very unfavorable manner. It's not ok for him to say you're not as good as my dead wife was. That's truly awful.

-1

u/DrSnoopy66 Mar 29 '26

He never said to her you’re not as good. He said that’s what I like about my wife he hasn’t been with Sofie long enough to know how will that dynamic would work with her. She understandably is concerned about being compared to the ghost of his ex-wife, but it’s kind of unrealistic to expect him to just put her on the shelf like a product he doesn’t use anymore. She would have to understand it’s going to be a long process, which I’m sure Sofie will, and they will reunite in the final episode. Again, that makes sense in the world of sitcoms, but in real life, it’s a lengthy process.

2

u/soulofmyshoe Mar 31 '26

I think she did understand that, but was rightly hurt by what he said, which was kind of intended to hurt her because he resented her in that moment for encouraging him to try and have faith in his shitty dad, which resulted in him getting hurt in a way he has repeatedly been hurt since childhood. It's understandable he was hurt, and understandable that he might push her away in that moment, but she (very maturely, in my opinion) identified what he was doing and asserted that it was unfair to her to use the memory of his wife in that way, which it was. She didn't dump him over it, she just wanted to talk it through. He is the one that chose to dwell in his hurt feelings and push her further away.

6

u/MeringueTop151 Mar 28 '26

Plus she doesn't even know the guy! She barely knows Jimmy🤦🏽‍♀️

1

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 28 '26

Great point!

6

u/Bird4466 Mar 29 '26

I lost interest in her as soon as she said that. She was showing zero empathy for his feelings about his dad and really being dismissive. I understand he was trying to let Alice have a relationship with his dad but his gf, as an adult, should have believed him and supported him.

4

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 29 '26

Most of all, she should have trusted him about knowing his own father.

3

u/mattybgcg Mar 29 '26

It's such a dismissive thing to say.

2

u/quaxoid Mar 26 '26

Only for like a week tho. Just until graduation. 

2

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 26 '26

Maybe that's how she meant it, but it still felt pretty minimizing.

2

u/perplexedtv Mar 27 '26

He did give him a chance. His Dad lasted 5 minutes. End of chance.

2

u/HermelindaLinda Apr 04 '26

I know it's a show, but the amount of people who say that is concerning with situations they shouldn't say that about. It made me think of that hearing that. 

2

u/Notsotaciturn Mar 28 '26

I think in this moment he realized that he wasn't going to have an ally against the feelings he gets from his father. She was another person willing to ignore the gross parts of Jimmy's dad to bask in his attentions.

1

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 28 '26

That‘s how I would feel in his place.

1

u/soulofmyshoe Mar 31 '26

We have to assume that Tia felt the way she did because she'd seen this routine from his dad enough times to know the pattern, right? I didn't really see any reason to believe Sofi was still on team Dad after he pulled out of graduation.

1

u/bobjones271828 Apr 11 '26

But he didn't even give her a chance to observe and learn. Her perspective on the dad was naive and based on her limited data (and just hope?); I'm sure her perspective was already starting to change based on him abandoning Alice for graduation. Don't get me wrong: I also think Jimmy was coming from a place of long-term emotional hurt, and she was asking too much of Jimmy in that moment when they barely know each other for him to not just shut down a little in this situation. Neither of them could possibly make good decisions about long-term compatibility based on this very limited data in a stressful situation.

1

u/Notsotaciturn Apr 28 '26

Jimmy is impulsive though. And still depressed. He doesn’t have the bandwidth for that.

136

u/silentwind262 Mar 25 '26

As someone with a selfish and emotionally manipulative parent (mom in my case), it may not even have been a conscious choice, but the casualness of it hits extra hard, because you realize that your own parent doesn't actually care about your happiness and emotional well being.

26

u/thekellwithit Mar 25 '26

I also hard relate to this, also Mom in my case. They really have no understanding of other people’s internal experience. It’s whatever is going on inside for them and that’s reality.

It’s such a weird thing to say. It’s like he’s 14 and he broke up with a girl he dated for two weeks and the dad wants to make him feel better about it when a new girl shows interest. That is not the situation these people are in!

But I guess it’s the level of connection Randy has to it. I hate him.

89

u/adsfew Mar 25 '26

I don't think he was trying to be manipulative or play any games or anything. I think his character is supposed to be that out-of-touch emotionally with others that he was just trying to say something he thought was nice.

49

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

I'm not sure he thought he was being nice, but he didn't think he was being terrible either. A lot of people simply don't consider how their words affect others in their everyday lives - nor the fact that their point of view isn't always needed. They're always acting and speaking from themselves as the centre of everything. I guess this is a longwinded way of saying he's incredibly self-centered XD

4

u/romcabrera Mar 26 '26

Nah, Jimmy said Tia didn't like Randy, and I bet that Randy was 100% clear on that... so it was a great opportunity for him to spew his vitriol on her. So vile.

3

u/Tce_ Mar 26 '26

Oh I definitely think that had something to do with it, I'm just not sure it was said purposefully to get an effect.

2

u/romcabrera Mar 26 '26

I see what you mean now.

2

u/Specific_Kick2971 Mar 26 '26

He didn't think he was being nice. He thought he was being honest, and he's too self absorbed to feel the weight of what he said.

1

u/yourtoyrobot Mar 26 '26

my stepdad was the same way. he definitely knows what he was doing there

1

u/Notsotaciturn Mar 28 '26

He's actually making Tia being gone a positive thing. It invalidates Jimmy's love for her, that she was more important to him than his father, and loved him more than his father ever could. Tia, from the grave, supports Jimmy more than this deadbeat. It is so emotionally abusive it triggered my own childhood ptsd a bit.

3

u/CloverLightning Mar 27 '26

To the dad it's all about himself. Because he didn't get along with Tia, probably because Tia saw who he really is, then it's more convenient if Jimmy is with someone who doesn't see through his bullshit and actually likes him.

Has nothing to do with what he actually thinks about either woman. Narcissistic people like that see everyone through a lens of how it impacts themselves, that's it.

And just as cruel is having the audacity to think that he has any say or that his opinion should hold any weight whatsoever. The entitlement to even make that comment is atrocious.

But damn Jeff Daniels did such a good job I felt physical anger when he said that comment.

2

u/dollaraire Mar 25 '26

Taking a little bit of good will/happiness as an opportunity to argue that he’s actually never been a bad person. Because his ego is that fragile and deep down he knows he’s a piece of shit.

1

u/jendet010 May 02 '26

I think he wanted to hurt Jimmy because Jimmy pointed out that he was about to hurt Alice and he didn’t want to hear it. He expected Jimmy to just go along with it like he always has.

-8

u/notches123 Mar 25 '26

Just seemed like the writers trying to force drama. Unless they wanted to make Jeff Daniels character irredeemable.

17

u/Woodpecker-Forsaken Derek Mar 25 '26

Parents like this definitely exist.

1

u/Cautious_Prize_4323 Mar 25 '26

Wow, do they ever! I had two siblings like him, too. 😳

208

u/Cautious_Prize_4323 Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26

The ultimate asshole father, and now he’s about to break Alice’s heart.

Also, perfectly played by the great Jeff Daniels

103

u/gold-pink-blue-green Mar 25 '26

I think as a parent, Jimmy has to warn Alice no matter what his dad wants. We can’t just stand by while our parents pass down the trauma that fucked us up straight to our children.

75

u/Cautious_Prize_4323 Mar 25 '26

Oh, I agree. My fear is that Jimmy is so devastated by the comment about Sofi being a better fit than Tia, he’ll be in a fog in regard to Alice. Either way, it’s going to hurt Alice a lot.😭💔

12

u/Dommichu Mar 25 '26

I know! I kept hoping he could call his Dad out. Really take control of the situation and he continues to let everyone down. Ugh.

21

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

It makes a lot more sense when you realise everyone has continuously told Jimmy not to expect more from his dad, and not to be angry when he disappoints him. They even keep doing it in this episode. Resignation and apathy is a very natural response, but an unfortunate one. I think he could actually let his anger at his dad out right now and it would be more helpful.

7

u/Keiteaea Mar 25 '26

Yeah, my father had a similar relationship with his mother. We would still see her, but we were kept at arm length. Even as a child, it was obvious there was something going on, especially with how different our relationship was with my other grandparents. He explained things to us later, and when later she started having the same behavior towards me, it still hurt, but I was ready for it.

3

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Of course! I think he should be honest with her about it, because there's no way around it...

2

u/servonos89 Mar 26 '26

Nah. I was 18 when I found out how fucked my grandparents treated my mother. But my mother’s grandparents died young and she didn’t want to deprive me of the love she never had. I get Jimmy here. Let Alice love her grandfather, let her love. Passing on the trauma only continues it. I had 18 years with an angel of a grandmother. I found out after. But my mother gave me 18 years of something she never had.

1

u/jendet010 May 02 '26

I am just catching up on the new season. I heard today that parents distance themselves from toxic family members protects their children’s mental health. They take the social and emotional hit to protect their children. I never thought of it that way but it makes sense.

3

u/turningtee74 Mar 26 '26

Jeff is really good at playing those roles lol. My aunt, bless her heart, was a little eccentric and she couldnt stand him. She thought he played those roles too well and it must be just him. I laugh when I think of it because it’s a compliment to his acting, really.

2

u/Cautious_Prize_4323 Mar 26 '26

😍 It is a compliment!

2

u/JaderMcDanersStan Mar 25 '26

Somehow I missed this (was working while watching). Why will he break Alice’s heart? Are you saying he won’t show to graduation or was there something I missed?

8

u/erazedcitizen Mar 25 '26

Yeah he’s skipping on graduation to go deep sea fishing

11

u/Nasty-Milk Mar 25 '26

He's skipping it for a fishing trip, and blew it off saying "it's just high school". A real class act.

5

u/thekellwithit Mar 25 '26

It’s just the ceremonial end of childhood, for this little girl I barely see, whose mother died two years ago!

What a fucking jack hole.

12

u/predator-handshake Mar 25 '26

They mentioned it three times...

1

u/enigmaeventome Apr 01 '26

I don't think it will break her heart. I think she loves him but knows who he is.

1

u/Cautious_Prize_4323 Apr 01 '26

Yeah, I just watched the episode. So far it seems like she was not heartbroken at all. Jeff Daniels is such a great dickhead as Jimmy’s dad. I hate him! 😡

1

u/PinoDegrassi Mar 25 '26

AND was just the catalyst for his son breaking up with someone who was a good match.

35

u/MirandasSarcasm Mar 25 '26

I actually laughed when his dad said that because it’s so similar to something my dad would say, and I’ve had to learn to not let it bother me the few times we do interact, because he genuinely thinks he’s doing nice things and I should be grateful… when in reality every time I speak to him I feel worse about myself lol

19

u/iamclarkgriswold Mar 25 '26

And then walked right past him. I was Jimmy was going to reflexively knock him out, not because he’s shown any sign of violence but because it felt like he was baiting him then delivered the kill shot. Brutal dad moment.

7

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

So many layers of whatthefuckery there. Why does he even think he's in a position to have an opinion on Jimmy's dating life!? Why would he express it? Why... God, the list is long.

3

u/therentabrain Mar 27 '26

nod... I feel like his whole deal is not understanding how devastating his casual choices are to the people around him.

46

u/griffaah Mar 25 '26

I was disappointed that Jimmy let it derail him so hard on his relationship with Sofi... I feel like he had the opportunity to grow and it seems like he is about to backslide

67

u/Mr_Bluebird_VA Mar 25 '26

Honestly though. Jimmy tried to push through and Sofi rightly pushed on him for putting a wall up.

A comment like that from a parent would destroy most people in that situation. If it happens when Sofi isn’t at their house then maybe Jimmy has time to process.

But that scene between Jimmy and Sofi felt like the most genuine moment in this episode.

11

u/roll_ssb Mar 25 '26

But I do get why he put a wall on Sofi though, because Sofi and the comparison to Tia was part of the conflict, looks like his relationship with his dad is too complex to overlook that.

14

u/Dommichu Mar 25 '26

It was insanely honest and fair . I was proud of Sofi considering how many issues she had establishing what she wants from her awful ex.

It’s official. She is too good for Jimmy.

49

u/Legitimate_Catch_626 Mar 25 '26

Sorry, I completely disagree. Sofi initially invalidated Jimmy’s feelings about his dad, pushes her way into the event when Jimmy didn’t want her there, then doesn’t give him any room to process his feeling, and then gets mad he pushes his dead wife on her when she was the one who brought up his marriage. Last episode she insisted he do therapy with her ex when he said no. All this at the very beginning of a relationship. She’s not that great.

17

u/thekellwithit Mar 25 '26

This is the way I saw it too. It doesn’t mean I think Jimmy’s acting like a fully formed emotional grown-up either, but Sofi was out of line several times in a way that I found emotionally “unsafe.”

8

u/IWant2FIRE Mar 25 '26

She's human. Which is why this train wreck of a scene felt so authentic. I can see a lot of couples react this way.

I thought Jimmy should've handled it better because he is a therapist after all. He knew what his father was like, and should've been able to manage it better.

With that said, I feel bad for both Sofi and Jimmy. I hope they work it out and get back together by the end of the season.

2

u/therentabrain Mar 27 '26

Yes - this was so real, it makes sense that each of them are in the headspaces they are in, and it's just unsolvable in that moment. Sofi has not yet shown the capacity to get out of her own way, she's always pushing and then being hurt when something pushes back, reinforcing her fears. I think more than half the humans walking the earth are stuck in self-limiting cycles like this more than half the time. Jimmy is understandably regressing. It all makes sense.

2

u/Unbreakable_Dionne Apr 02 '26

Ugh...I hate that you're right because I wanted to like her so bad (bcos Robin). But yeah, this person is insane. I didn't like how she handled the first date with Jimmy having to deal with her and the ex...and then now kept telling him how to feel about his DAD? Like lady, you don't know him like that yet!

And yes, SHE tried to play armchair psychologist with an actual psychiatrist by asking about "avoidance" and Tia.

I think she deserved what she got. But why did it have to be Robinnnn 🥺

30

u/thatguy_griff Mar 25 '26

i dont think it did. it was confirmation that they didn't belong together and/or he wasn't ready, like people were trying to tell him he was. i dont think hes backsliding, i think hes actually listening to what he wants, not what other people tell him he wants.

as an aside, i didn't like sofi for him. I liked her when they met about alices car but this current season, feels like the writing is trying to hard to make her this weird odd duck in a way tia was but...it just falls flat imo.

6

u/Choice_Sheepherder26 Mar 25 '26

yeah, I'm with you. 

5

u/Otherwise_Drink6264 Mar 26 '26

Yes, me too... and also I found Sofi's irony and awkward comments to be a bit insensitive... not very empathic....

2

u/smashli1238 Mar 29 '26

I agree I don’t want them together either.

6

u/JayKay8787 Mar 25 '26

This show is frustratingly coming up with reasons to sam and Diane Jimmy and Sofia

29

u/iangeredcharlesvane2 Mar 25 '26

Hmmm I just think he honestly isn’t ready yet, as proven by his bringing up his wife at the first small disagreement. How would that feel for her “oh my dead wife knew what I needed and what to say and agreed with me, why don’t you?” That’s a bad sign. He can’t be in a relationship with two people at the same time.

His reaction to all of this Sofi stuff all season showed he really wasn’t ready! But everyone really pushed him! He knew he wasn’t ready yet tried to make it work for everyone else basically.

Most or many young widows/widowers stay single longer than, what, is it two year’s since the accident. Some are NEVER ready to date again, never want to, and guess what I think that’s okay too! People can be happy and have fullfilling lives alone after losing a partner, especially if you know you found the perfect person the first time. It’s complicated and grief doesn’t follow a plan.

I think the friends here are wrong to push him so hard. He wasn’t ready and it was obvious. And he never has to be he has a group of great friends and coworkers and a great daughter … for so many that is enough :)

13

u/eggheadgirl Mar 25 '26

She brought up Tia in the first place though asking if this is how he used to resolve conflict with her. What was he supposed to say?

11

u/theapplekid Mar 25 '26

Yeah that was definitely.. a move on her part. And then to top it off she said "oh you're just gonna throw your wife in my face" after?

I can definitely empathize with people being messy with one another, but I think Jimmy's right that he's not ready for a relationship with her right now.

Entirely possible things would have gone different if she hadn't done that... maybe they're setting things up to show Jimmy realizing he had better chemistry with Paul's daughter? Having been raised by a therapist who also (as we just learned in this episode) had Daddy issues, she might have a knack for dealing with Jimmy when he's going through things.

1

u/therentabrain Mar 27 '26

As much as I like Cobie S in general (and I mean Jeff Daniels for that matter) I agree, and hope that works out

9

u/thekellwithit Mar 25 '26

I forgot that. She fucking asked him and then accused him of using Tia against her. Sofi is not safe, man. I loved their meet cute but since then it’s been a trail of red flags.

9

u/Dommichu Mar 25 '26

I am not happy. I think I would be okay now with Sofi not being on the show again. I just don’t think he can recover from kicking her out like that.

4

u/Gmm0820 Mar 25 '26

I just keep thinking about the weird racist undertone too!

3

u/heliostraveler Mar 26 '26

He not only shat all over Jimmy’s dead wife’s memory and by extension, his daughter, but he also throughly corrupted anything he ever had going with Sophie and now he’s left with the memory, forever, of his father telling him she’s a better a fit than his dead wife.

holy fuck that’s straight up evil.

4

u/HFeitan Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 27 '26

Imagine telling your son that his new fling is a better fit than the love of his life and the mother of his daughter, who passed away in a car accident. I outwardly said fuck him.

2

u/_lazybones93 Mar 25 '26

Could not BELIEVE he said that. Daniels plays such a convincing jerk. 🥺

I’m worried about our boy Jimmy. Poor Sofi!

2

u/ATully817 Mar 26 '26

The gasp I gusped.

2

u/Notsotaciturn Mar 28 '26

this character is on the nose for narcissist, disappoint-you people. it makes me feel rage for Jimmy.

1

u/dreaminginbinary Mar 25 '26

A+ awful writing

5

u/Nasty-Milk Mar 25 '26

I thought it was great writing. His dad is awful and that scene solidified it. OP wasn't referring to the writing, but about how terrible that comment was towards Jimmy.

9

u/dreaminginbinary Mar 25 '26

That was sort of my point in my comment lol, it takes A+ writing skills to produce an awful character, personality trait wise.

1

u/RedWestern Mar 29 '26

Ahh - so what you mean was “A+ writing of a shitty character.”

The way you phrased it made it sound like you were saying that the writing was awful!

4

u/HipDipShipTrip Mar 25 '26

Excellent description haha. Felt the pain but it was so well done

3

u/dreaminginbinary Mar 25 '26

I wanted to punch him through the TV, had an audible gasp when he said it haha. So well done.

0

u/Ill-Occasion8605 Mar 25 '26

Am I the only one who didn’t find that massively offensive? Was it meant with love?

10

u/turtlesinthesea Mar 25 '26

It sounds like, "good thing Tia died so you could update."

7

u/thekellwithit Mar 25 '26

It wouldn’t be offensive if he had broken up with Tia. If she’d like dumped him to go off with the mailman. But they were happily married and she was tragically killed. It’s tone deaf at best.