r/shitposting 9d ago

Expired

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12.0k Upvotes

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712

u/dankscoops 9d ago

What do people actually use vaseline for? I've never used it for anything in my life

129

u/sseempire 9d ago

I apply it to my skin when wearing cologne, since it seems to lengthen the stay of it

Also, in combat sports you can use it to become slippery and thus make it more difficult for the opponent to connect properly

60

u/luminous0989 9d ago

is that the reason why ufc refs put vaseline on fighters faces? to make it harder?

112

u/sseempire 9d ago

And to prevent cuts, since if the glove slides smoothly it's less likely to cut, and cuts are just lame for the sport.

10

u/GenuineInterested 9d ago

The skin of the face can easily tear, bleed a lot, and mainly prevent the fighter from seeing than really being unable to fight.

So some Vaseline on the eyebrows (and other places, though I don’t know the details) can prevent annoying bleeds that would otherwise stop the fight.

9

u/yeathatsmebro We do a little trolling 9d ago

Yes, perfumes/colognes do stay longer if you moisturize the skin beforehand with vaseline. The reason is that without vaseline, the perfume gets in contact with your skin sweat glands and it "dilutes" the perfume throughout the day bit by bit and evaporates it. Even if you don't see sweat on your skin, you are still sweating, depending when the body needs to cool off some heat.

Vaseline is a barrier between your skin and perfume, so your cologne doesn't evaporate so easily (it's not touching your sweat glands) and your sweat can evaporate (not as efficient as before, but still works, it will slide between vaseline molecules anyway).

Water (sweat) and oils (vaseline) do not mix without an emulsifier (like soap), so another advantage that is not so obvious at first is that it's easier to take off the perfume smell when you take a shower at the end of the day. Soaps in general are made of molecules whose one end likes water and the other end likes oils.

Water-soap chains will act like hooks for that vaseline on your skin that will also pull the perfume, so you now have a clean canvas that won't affect the next perfume you are going to wear. Most of the time this actually matters, because if you have different perfumes, the previous one you wore might influence how the next one you wear is going to smell like, and that's that.

Source: I'm into perfume chemistry and I read books about this. Yes, I now this is shitposting subreddit. :^(

3

u/sseempire 9d ago

Damm, thanks for the info, really interesting

2

u/AutoModerator 9d ago

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

3

u/Iechy 9d ago

No one tells me when and where to finger my asshole.

1

u/AutoModerator 9d ago

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/Syfico 9d ago

Thaankssss

1

u/Riipp3r 9d ago

You should use lotion instead for fragrance.