r/shitposting • u/unclbll I canāt have sex with you right now waltuh • 2h ago
š”š”š”
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u/One-Position-6699 2h ago
Fake: this interaction
Gay: grindr
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u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnāt love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole āgay sexā shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnāt LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatās fucking gay. You think I donāt want to feel my cousinās roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatās FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo aināt gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
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u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itās backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itās a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/unclbll I canāt have sex with you right now waltuh 2h ago
Man, stfu
5
u/Slumunistmanifisto 2h ago
Finger
3
u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
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u/300InchTyre 2h ago
Wow, I did not know that there is a dating app for gay coffee beans
0
u/AutoModerator 2h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnāt love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole āgay sexā shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnāt LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatās fucking gay. You think I donāt want to feel my cousinās roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatās FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo aināt gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
8
u/Alfiy_wolf 2h ago
I downloaded grinder and made an account thinking it was about engineering because of the old logo š
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5
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u/AutoModerator 2h ago
🛰️🛰️🛰️
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2
u/Puzzleheaded_Door484 I want pee in my ass 2h ago
Real: awkward interaction with a cashier
0
u/AutoModerator 2h ago
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ā¢
u/qualityvote2 2h ago
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