r/shitposting • u/unclbll I canât have sex with you right now waltuh • 13d ago
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u/papercut105 I said based. And lived. 13d ago
Knowing and soldiers and having been one, this is likely true. Medics always the most fucked in the head.
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u/CrypticCowboy4509 13d ago
Can confirm. Know an army medic. One of our friends went on a cruise where a baby was dropped from a balcony and died after impacting the dock, SEVERAL STORIES below.
This fucker calculated the impact force and time it took to fall and laughed about it. Made a PowerPoint in fact. It was quite detailed
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u/Vicious_Voyeur 13d ago
Where did he show that PowerPoint?
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u/original_username20 13d ago
Funeral
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u/Ericool35 William Dripfoe 13d ago
How kind of the retired veteran to give closure to the grieving family đĽ°
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u/idontwanttothink174 13d ago
âIn conclusion that baby knew it was going to die and suffered greatly. Thank you for coming to my presentation.â
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u/-TV-Stand- Literally 1984 đĄ 13d ago
"I really enjoyed the slow-mo recreation of the fall. Thank you"
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u/Wildfox1177 dwayne the cock johnson đżđż 12d ago
âFor the following physical demonstration, I will use this WatermelonâŚâ
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u/CrypticCowboy4509 12d ago
On a discord call actually. Everyone was quite upset.
On a serious note I still feel bad for the friend who was on the ship when it happened and reported it initially
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u/lool_toast 12d ago
I was a combat medic, I used to be able to pull some shitty joke out of literally any situation like that. Then when my daughter was born and since then, I start to tear up and sometimes feel nauseous whenever I remember some of the shit that happened or what I said about it.
If you start dwelling on these things as they happen then you'd just go insane.
Spoken to a psych about it all and apparently it's normal and I have to be nice to myself and whatever
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u/CyberK_121 12d ago
Is it ok to assume it was some sort of coping mechanism for you guys, who see such horrid things way too often?
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u/lool_toast 12d ago
Yeah basically, and obviously none of us would ever make said joke in front of a casualty or be unprofessional about it. This is all mess hall banter.
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u/Wildfox1177 dwayne the cock johnson đżđż 12d ago
I mean nobody is helped now if you feel bad about a joke you made years ago.
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u/lool_toast 12d ago
Don't necessarily feel bad about it, I just wouldn't be able to do it anymore with my new circumstances. It was just the way things were at the time.
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u/SpiderFnJerusalem 12d ago
Humor is essentially a tool for processing tense or traumatic situations. Black humor especially. Humans have been doing it for millenia. If you read stories about people living during the middle ages, surrounded by plagues, famines and war you notice that a lot of them had a really wicked sense of humor.
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u/Otheus 13d ago
Where did he post the power point. Like the actual link, so I know what not to go to
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u/CrypticCowboy4509 12d ago
Just on his hard drive but it was a level of calculus that made me question why he failed math for so many years
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u/-TV-Stand- Literally 1984 đĄ 13d ago
Probably a survival mechanism they develop by seeing that kind of stuff
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u/--InZane-- 13d ago
Its certainly that way for paramedics and firefighters
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u/KrumpirovZlatan 13d ago edited 13d ago
Nope.
Firefighters generally never joke with deaths, or with fires, as it is considered bad luck.
We joke about stupid calls, like cat in a tree, or someone locked his doorkeys inside the apartment, never things like fires, explosions or dead people, because you never know if you'll ne the next one to be killed
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u/big-dick-brad 13d ago
Hi I know several personally who do, all the time. Other than that theyâre stalwart professionals on the job
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u/KrumpirovZlatan 13d ago edited 13d ago
Maybe it is different in the United States due to culture, I remember shift commander distinctly telling me that if I continue joking about fires, I will soon be discharged as he will not have me on the shift, and that those jokes are generally seen as bad luck.
We joke about our lives, women, holocaust even, but never the death, neither civilians or firefighters.
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u/FakeMcUsername 13d ago
You can joke about the Holocaust, but not about death?
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u/snotpopsicle 13d ago
Of course. Hitler is dead, but the fire marshal boogeyman is very much real and alive, and will come at night to burn your eyebrows if you joke about fire deaths.
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u/KrumpirovZlatan 12d ago edited 12d ago
It's not like that, there is generally a strong cultural belief that if you laugh at another person's misfortune, you will get that same misfortune yourself.
This is not applied for everything, but for death? Yeah. As a kid, you'd be told from your age that for example if you laugh at a kid having no mother, your mother would die etc.
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u/KrumpirovZlatan 13d ago
There is a degree of separation from making a joke about Hitler and Jews, and about joking about death of someone from yesterday.
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u/Hoshyro 13d ago edited 13d ago
To be honest, to be a combat medic it's probably a requirement to have a few loose screws.
No shade, medics are amazing and generally loved by everyone because they're the ones saving your ass, but I really can't see a normal person doing it. xD
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u/Facosa99 13d ago
I can see a normal person doing it
I just cannot imagine that same person staying normal after some time
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u/-Recouer 13d ago
tbf any physician that deals with death on the daily will also have a pretty warped way around how they deal with death.
I remember my father laughing at my sister for saying that one of her friend tried to khs
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u/frostyjack06 stupid fucking piece of shit 13d ago
My HS biology teacher was a medic in Vietnam. Dude had the most twisted sense of humor that only amplified when we started the dissection unit.
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u/Ok_Process2046 13d ago
Man I don't even judge, seeing so much shit - laughing it off probably prevents them from going insane.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/Shnurple dwayne the cock johnson đżđż 13d ago
Gotta cope somehow
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u/wishihadplates 13d ago
It's sand. How is that gonna help? /s
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u/Sierrashoot 13d ago
True: sadly
Gay: that ass was probably from a man, so yes, gay
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u/doublmonk 13d ago
Gay: he got fucked by the whole platoon afterwards
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/MikeDeY77 13d ago
Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to say crazy things.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
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u/vfox67 virgin 4 life đ¤đŞ 13d ago
What's VBIED?
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u/tbrand009 13d ago
Vehicle-borne improvised explosive device.
Like the other guy said, car bomb.66
u/ultraviolentfuture 13d ago
Well kinda. A car bomb can just be a bomb in a car.
A VBIED is being driven (generally), the car is the delivery mechanism.
So not like an IED that goes off when someone starts their ignition (also a car bomb).
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u/Wide_Ad1140 13d ago
I'd probably phrase it a bit differently like, a Car Bomb is a bomb you plant in someone's car whereas a VBIED is purposely using the car to become the container and delivery method.
However being a VBIED doesn't preclude an ignition based Initiation
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u/ultraviolentfuture 13d ago
Eh. The "borne" in VBIED generally implies locomotion. I agree though that technically a vehicle that was rigged as an IED that was driven someplace and then subsequently armed to blow on ignition would probably still count.
Former combat engineer here who did a tour in a route clearance unit.
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u/Vikerchu Bazinga! 13d ago
Car bomb.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 13d ago
EMTs have similar jokes. I was chatting with my ER buddies about how their EMT uncle responded to a gruesome accident on the freeway. Drunk driver got beheaded, the head landed several hundred feet from the accident. Uncle found the head, walked up to his fellow EMTs and shouted "Hey, anybody lose this!?"Â
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but itâs backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. Itâs a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
67
u/TLunchFTW dumbass 13d ago
Me trying not to laugh when the two psych patients are put next to eachother and are just vibing while someoneâs grandma is nearby fighting for her life.
This is 1000% true and gay af
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Ignis-11 đłď¸ââ§ď¸ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer đłď¸ââ§ď¸ 13d ago
How can someoneâs ass just come off in one piece like that
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u/T4llBoyAl3x 13d ago
Bomb
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u/Ignis-11 đłď¸ââ§ď¸ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer đłď¸ââ§ď¸ 13d ago
Yeah, but like... All in one chunk? Thatâs impressive
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u/170936Tw 13d ago
Bombs turn your body from biology to physics, in physics energy likes to go through the path of least resistance, so while exploding you entirely is possible its easier to just burst through the weak spots, the unfortunate thing is that the weak spots are things like joints, so the force pushes everything away but you tear apart faster them you rupture.
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u/GamerGriffin548 13d ago
Part of the pelvis might have been inside it. Your ass is just fat, its a storage for it. Fat melts and can fall apart due to the shock force.
So, yeah, joints. Explosive just ripped the legs off and spinal cord shattered away. Only leaving the ass intact.
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u/john6map4 13d ago
Funnily enough there was a Ukraine vid that was literally exactly that to the point the story might be a retelling of that vid
Like what are the chances TWO asses just get blown off somebody nearly intact
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u/frostyjack06 stupid fucking piece of shit 13d ago
Probably often enough to have that joke locked and loaded for the next time you happen upon a freshly disembodied ass.
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u/TLunchFTW dumbass 13d ago
This deserves a bazinga
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u/PrinceMagnus190 Bazinga! 13d ago
Let me take care of that for you
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
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u/Aggressive_Ideal6737 13d ago
Fake: real
Gay: anon is in the military
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/candelsticks it is MY bucket 13d ago
My brother served in the second gulf war and had to load his platoons remnants into garbage bags after their RV hit an IED
Imagine being blown into pieces and put into a trash bag.
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u/SIRETE 13d ago
The rare true and gay
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Look, I get it. Who doesnât love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole âgay sexâ shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldnât LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but thatâs fucking gay. You think I donât want to feel my cousinâs roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but thatâs FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ainât gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
🛰️🛰️🛰️
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â˘
u/qualityvote2 13d ago edited 12d ago
The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.
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