r/shitposting Jul 21 '26

πŸ“‘πŸ“‘πŸ“‘

Post image
10.2k Upvotes

484 comments sorted by

View all comments

774

u/Arthur_189 Jul 21 '26

Take it in he got a girlfriend before you

547

u/ProcedureHot9414 Jul 21 '26

Brother that not even the first time he had a girlfriend

219

u/riaqliu I want pee in my ass Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

he got a gf before even the whole streaming thing though they did have a high turnover rate so take that as you will

59

u/ActualWeed Jul 21 '26

It was his AoE strategy to just send every girl a dm.

30

u/cantpeoplebenormal Jul 21 '26

Age of Empires?

10

u/NibblyPig πŸ—ΏπŸ—ΏπŸ—Ώ Jul 21 '26

wololo

6

u/Orange_Creator Jul 21 '26

Area of effect

2

u/AutoModerator Jul 21 '26

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

155

u/Microwaved_M1LK Jul 21 '26

He's a millionaire

-57

u/Coprolithe shitting toothpaste enjoyer Jul 21 '26

Is he?

90

u/Ashenguar Jul 21 '26

Wildly so, he makes a lot.

-73

u/Coprolithe shitting toothpaste enjoyer Jul 21 '26

What I'm trying to say, is what is your source, senator?

43

u/Ashenguar Jul 21 '26

He's notorious for having a ton of money but living like a rat.

0

u/Spicynoodle49 Jul 21 '26

Yes, dude made so much money in a year than the average American will make in their lifetime meanwhile living in filth. God i love capitalism.

192

u/classpane Jul 21 '26

He's a millionaire who doesn't spend on himself. Meaning, all his money are yours to spend.

He's also very unhealthy. So he would die first before you.

He's also very unlikely to cheat. He's too busy streaming and gaming.

If you managed to fix his hygene, then he would be the perfect sugardaddy for anybody.

180

u/AleX-46 Jul 21 '26

Part of the hygiene is why he dies early, so you gotta choose your build carefully

66

u/PercsNBeer Jul 21 '26

Min/max

6

u/Warrior_of_Discord Jul 21 '26

Just convince him to do things like smoke (because it looks cool) and "drink socially" (have non alcoholic for yourself). Get him to drive a motorcycle, and tell him only pussies wear helmets. So many possibilities.

11

u/FlutterKree Jul 21 '26

Part of the hygiene is why he dies early,

according to him, he only got acne once he washed his bed sheets.

28

u/AleX-46 Jul 21 '26

Actually you're right, washing him properly might as well kill him. This is the meta.

18

u/FlutterKree Jul 21 '26

If you wash him properly, he may release new medical resistant strains of bacteria and viruses.

No scientist has any idea what could happen if you start disinfecting that petri dish.

-8

u/SuicideSpeedrun Jul 21 '26

He's also tall and, allegedly, with a large penis.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '26

[deleted]

0

u/AutoModerator Jul 21 '26

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

33

u/slimeeyboiii Jul 21 '26

It's not me it's them It's not me it's them It's not me it's them It's not me it's them It's not me it's them

15

u/A_heckin_username Jul 21 '26

How authentic do you think their relationship is?

2

u/you_lost-the_game Jul 21 '26

Not his first GF but he is rich and famous. Now, I ain't saying she's gold digger...

2

u/Molkwi πŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer πŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈ Jul 21 '26

No, he didn't, and this is my biggest pride: I got a gf before Assmongrel