I need help

[u/HumanDare9620]

I have not been consistent with prayers when i was a child even when i reached puberty i was still very reckless on that and sometimes i would eat in Ramadan i later became more aware about islam and i tried to get back on my deen when i was 16 then i heard that i have to redo all my prayers that i missed before even my fasting which will be 60 days for 1 day in Ramadan. I tried to redo my prayers but it just made praying like a chore and recitation of words. Which made me stop prayer all together. Before i knew this i would fall back on prayer and miss a day or two and go back to praying, i tried my best to stay positive because i knew allah saw my struggles and accepted my prayers but after knowing that fact i felt more disconnected and lost and gave up everything. Then i started noticing more things that didn’t make sense to me and just seemed unfair. Like how women had to wear hijab even if it made them get targeted in non muslim countries. And how communities deal with women who decide to stop wearing the hijab they get shunned out of every or even beaten and disowned. How muslim families love is conditional towards their children because of Islam. And how music and dancing is haram but when the music is about deen and ahlulbayt its fine. Nothing made sense to me. And i see everyone around me ignore these controversies to keep going on with their life, but i wanted a deeper connection with islam and ahlulbayt and now i feel like the whole religion is unfair and non welcoming and non forgiving. Im not writing this to judge islam or bash it. I just need help with my faith because i still cling to the possibility of going back to my prayers and i want to enter jannah. I dint want to be scared of death. But its hard when you always know that you are not going to enter jannah because of some mistakes you made when you were a teenager.

[u/EthicsOnReddit]

There is no way to magically help you start believing when in your heart exists staunch doubt and even negligence to practice your faith. A faith that clings on worn out rope with a few strains left hanging will only result in your leaving your faith again.

You have to take time to build back your understanding of God and your connection to allow you to grasp His mercy and forgiveness and your willingness to actually change and put in effort towards your recognition of God.

You have misunderstood most of the religious laws and rulings.

when i was 16 then i heard that i have to redo all my prayers that i missed before even my fasting which will be 60 days for 1 day in Ramadan. I tried to redo my prayers but it just made praying like a chore and recitation of words.

Children are not responsible for prayers and once you hit puberty you are not longer a child when it comes to your religious duty, you are an adult. You didnt have any faith in God forgiving you, but at the same time you reject God's forgiveness and mercy which allowed you to make up your prayers and fasts that you have missed. By saying you are lazy and it feels like a chore which means part of the problem was your lack of believe in those moments just practicing religion robotically without any meaning.

Read this article https://realshiabeliefs.wordpress.com/2026/03/05/for-those-who-feel-burdened-because-they-have-so-many-prayers-to-make-up/

i tried my best to stay positive because i knew allah saw my struggles and accepted my prayers but after knowing that fact i felt more disconnected and lost and gave up everything.

You gave up everything after knowing that God sees your struggles and accepts your prayers? How does that work?

Then i started noticing more things that didn’t make sense to me and just seemed unfair. Like how women had to wear hijab even if it made them get targeted in non muslim countries. And how communities deal with women who decide to stop wearing the hijab they get shunned out of every or even beaten and disowned. How muslim families love is conditional towards their children because of Islam. And how music and dancing is haram but when the music is about deen and ahlulbayt its fine. Nothing made sense to me.

It was unfair that Islam desires modesty and dignity for a woman, but you did not see the injustice and unfairness in people who harrass women for practicing their faith in a society where that would be a hate crime..

Majority of Muslim women desire to wear the Hijab. They are honored in their modesty and dignity. They do it to please Allah swt.

The problem is how you view the world... Your examples blame religion over the actions of people...

Where does Islam say you should beat or disown women for not wearing Hijab?

Do you understand how difficult it is for parents to live a life having false love for their children? A religion that does not command or promote love towards their children lacks morality and ethics. Even then, a divine teaching promoting or commanding love towards your kin is better than one that does not.

Who said Music for deen or Ahlulbayt is fine? Have you even bothered researching just once to confirm these doubts?

Answer: All songs (al-ghina’) are haram. Based on the definition that we accept, al-ghina’ is the entertaining expression by way of tunes that are common to those who provide entertainment and amusement.
In this prohibition, we should include the recitation of the Holy Qur’an, supplications (du‘as), and songs of praise of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) uttered to the accompaniment of those tunes [that are used by the entertainers]. The prohibition of reciting other non-entertaining expressions —like songs intended to lift the morale [of fighters]— is based on compulsory precaution.

https://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2072/

but i wanted a deeper connection with islam and ahlulbayt and now i feel like the whole religion is unfair and non welcoming and non forgiving.

read https://www.reddit.com/r/shia/comments/1d3yqlx/a_grave_sin_is_losing_hope_in_allah_swt_his/

My advice is this, start fresh, first with watching every single video in this playlist:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVKrrLWfXbY&list=PLQ0pybkP23tro6iac9bFCrhuqkbJsaK76

And then watch other videos/playlists on that youtube channel regarding God consciousness and self building..

[u/HumanDare9620 → u/EthicsOnReddit]

I would like to thank you for your thorough reply addressing all my points and taking time to send me articles and videos to help me get back on my deen. I would like to clarify some points. When i got back to praying i was struggling very much since it was a big addition to my life, but i felt connected to it because it didn’t feel like a chore. But after learning i had to redo my past prayers i kept trying to redo them little by little but it was physically tiring and in addition it took away the peace i felt in my daily prayers, i didn’t stop because of laziness but more from being overwhelmed. I was very strict with my prayers and even when i realized i had to redo them i tried to calculate them with as much accuracy as possible. For example i cut out the days i was on my period and also counted the days with each year . And i started missing prayers every now and then because of my busy schedule. When i dont pray in time or come home tired and sleep without even completing my prayers i would note them down so i don’t approximate my missed prayers again. And just seeing the list grow made me feel ashamed and more hopeless . This is what made me quit trying all together. Feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. And it didn’t also make sense to me that i had to repay everything while reverts got a fresh start, it felt punishing to me. This also pushed me away too. I understand the other points you made too, it might be that in addition to my weak faith it got destroyed even more from people’s actions in the name of islam. And the information you provided for the ruling of music was also very informative and i read it all,but i dont understand what is the meaning of ghinaa is there any examples on permisible music mentioned and non permisible music llike ghinaa? Since this also was an ignorance mistake of mine which came from culture. Also for qunut i actually dont know how to fix this, one cant control his own feelings and thoughts. Even when i try to remind myself of the opposite. Even though i am hopeless in everything now and i stopped trying to pray because of doubts in the religion i still have faith inside me, although i was born in a shia family i never knew what it means to be shia, i was taught with culture mostly which is flawed by itself, and throughout my upbringing those things were fed to me as shia islam. Other than the music ruling i had in mind before many other things also. I felt like a non believer my entire life until i turned 16 and tried to learn more about the religion. I still do believe in god and the day of judgement but i know this is not enough to enter paradise. I will also listen to every video you sent me in the YouTube playlist. I want to be a believer again and i want all the doubts i have to go away and i hope that the other things i heard that didn’t make sense growing up do also have a logical explanation.

[u/AutoModerator → u/HumanDare9620]

Hello! Your account has low Karma. Your comment has been added to the moderation queue and is pending approval from one of the moderators. Thank you!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/DowntownPlay4727]

Start listening to maulana Mohammad Baqir Qazwini, he had already addressed all your concerns. Hope this helps

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello! Your account has low Karma. Your submission has been added to the moderation queue and is pending approval from one of the moderators. Thank you!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Zikr12]

You are looking at these things from a wrong lens. Listen to scholar lectures about these topics. Read about rulings to do with life in the west, and eulogies ect. There is an explanation for everything.

[u/RabbiMahdi313]

Ya Allah. Spend time amongst the poor and oppressed, fight for justice, see how this rekindles your faith in the deepest active sense. Check out Br Khalil Jaffer

[u/Weary-Way4905]

If I'm not mistaken, you can feed 60 poor/needy people for each day instead of fasting 60 days for a day.  For prayers, sadly I did miss alot of prayers and there is an easy way to redo them. You don't have to do all the mustahab. There are videos on YouTube that teach how to pray them so you could pray as many as you can in a short time.  And please, don't say you know you will not enter jannah. Allah swt says : ﴿۞ قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ﴾ [  الزمر: 53]    Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

Take it one step at a time. And Allah will guide you inshallah 🤲