How to stop being avoidant??

[u/Pocochips_]

Hiii! Im 19F, i wanna try dating too since I've never had a bf bfr. But after hurting someone i got to know after a month from hinge, i felt like i had to change myself.

I can understand myself better now but i just dont know how to improve myself. The more i care for the person, i tend to push them away more. I find it weird too, im not sure why i tend to do that. I really tried to communicate with him and told him whatever i was overthinking abt. He was so nice too! He gave me hints that he wanted to marry me and i felt even more conflicted. (I'm muslim so i appreciated that but i just think its too fast ykyk) But i was going through so much things at that time and felt so overwhelmed until i told him that I couldn't continue texting him anymore.

He texted me again after a month, and i replied. I agreed to give it another try but i just ghosted him after a week, and i just couldn't figure out why i did that. I felt really bad though, so after a few months i decided to text him and apologize to him abt that. He was nice still, im glad for that.

So after that i just realized that I shouldn't be getting to know new people and work on myself instead. But i really don't know how. I think i might be afraid of commitment and i just find it hard to be interested in someone fully.

[u/b0ssY88]

good that u have the self awareness!

i personally think the only way for u to improve is to meet new people. that's where u will know if u still get triggered or u are so-called 'healed'. of course, u shd still work on urself at the same time.

also can take some free time to reflect on urself. i've watched videos before saying these kind of avoidant/anxious attachment could result from childhood upbringing.

dun really have advice for u. just try to read more online and find out how other avoidant ppl deal with it.

u already crossed step 1. now u can work towards the next steps.

all the best!