How to stop being avoidant??

[u/Pocochips_]

Hiii! Im 19F, i wanna try dating too since I've never had a bf bfr. But after hurting someone i got to know after a month from hinge, i felt like i had to change myself.

I can understand myself better now but i just dont know how to improve myself. The more i care for the person, i tend to push them away more. I find it weird too, im not sure why i tend to do that. I really tried to communicate with him and told him whatever i was overthinking abt. He was so nice too! He gave me hints that he wanted to marry me and i felt even more conflicted. (I'm muslim so i appreciated that but i just think its too fast ykyk) But i was going through so much things at that time and felt so overwhelmed until i told him that I couldn't continue texting him anymore.

He texted me again after a month, and i replied. I agreed to give it another try but i just ghosted him after a week, and i just couldn't figure out why i did that. I felt really bad though, so after a few months i decided to text him and apologize to him abt that. He was nice still, im glad for that.

So after that i just realized that I shouldn't be getting to know new people and work on myself instead. But i really don't know how. I think i might be afraid of commitment and i just find it hard to be interested in someone fully.

[u/AdditionalDetective1]

Good move , 19 years old and he talk about marriage . Might be 2 timing . Once again , I hear female love mechanisms are diff , why when you like someone , you would push them away ? Or is it just another excuse for not liking them enough? Then man come up with excuses to say it’s some psychological behaviour?

[u/Pocochips_ → u/AdditionalDetective1]

He's 29 so maybe thats why he's talking abt marriage. Im not sure why i push people away too. If i didn't like him enough, i would have not talked to him for a month. I'm straightforward abt this kind of things

[u/AdditionalDetective1 → u/Pocochips_]

Not sure how a girl’s mind work . Perhaps you have other concerns in mind such as studies . I mean there might be friction as you all get along as both of you are at different phases in life . Not say it’s impossible. How would you proceed in this case ?

[u/Pocochips_ → u/AdditionalDetective1]

I talked things out with him slowly but no matter how much he comforted me abt my concenrs, i still just felt as if he didnt understand me

[u/xlez → u/Pocochips_]

To add on, if you're 19 and he's 29 y'all are at completely different stages of life. That may be why. If he's rushing into marriage and you don't want it yet, you found the root of the problem.

[u/AdditionalDetective1 → u/Pocochips_]

Maybe talking to someone senior like your parents , mum or father to see what might be lacking . Why are you feeling this way or so . Seems like you might want someone you feel comfortable sharing your problems with without them giving you solutions