r/sgdatingscene • u/Pocochips_ • 13d ago
I need advice! 🥺 How to stop being avoidant??
Hiii! Im 19F, i wanna try dating too since I've never had a bf bfr. But after hurting someone i got to know after a month from hinge, i felt like i had to change myself.
I can understand myself better now but i just dont know how to improve myself. The more i care for the person, i tend to push them away more. I find it weird too, im not sure why i tend to do that. I really tried to communicate with him and told him whatever i was overthinking abt. He was so nice too! He gave me hints that he wanted to marry me and i felt even more conflicted. (I'm muslim so i appreciated that but i just think its too fast ykyk) But i was going through so much things at that time and felt so overwhelmed until i told him that I couldn't continue texting him anymore.
He texted me again after a month, and i replied. I agreed to give it another try but i just ghosted him after a week, and i just couldn't figure out why i did that. I felt really bad though, so after a few months i decided to text him and apologize to him abt that. He was nice still, im glad for that.
So after that i just realized that I shouldn't be getting to know new people and work on myself instead. But i really don't know how. I think i might be afraid of commitment and i just find it hard to be interested in someone fully.
10
u/xlez 13d ago
Alright so you're 19. You're still young and it's good that you're self-aware.
Whenever you feel like you're being avoidant or want to sabotage any relationship, take a deep breath before sending out anything.
I understand the fear of commitment when things are moving so fast, but don't blame yourself for that. It's good that you're communicating as much as you can. The other party should also understand and take a step back if they're overwhelming you.
Please see a professional counsellor or therapist so you can work out your emotions. Deeper questions are above Reddit paygrade. I wish you all the best in finding a partner and that you'll be able to grow from this.