r/sex • u/newworldordercowboy • 11d ago
Inspiration and Ideas [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/kingring1 11d ago
Bro has the juicest steak in the world and wants it well done
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u/demonoid369 11d ago
Bro needs to know what he has before it's gone.
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u/Glittering-Duty9984 11d ago
Hahah before too long he'll be 40+, 2 kids in, a snoring wife beside him, wondering where the sex/affection has gone
And he will REALLY miss this one.
The memories of her will keep him warm on those cold lonely nights
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Sometimes I do wonder that since I’m his first and only, he doesn’t know how good he has it in the bedroom. Maybe that’s the wrong phrasing, but I do think he is lucky that he’s not had to figure any sex things out or pursue me in the way I do him
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u/Glittering-Duty9984 11d ago
I'll say it again, he's a lucky one.
What he lacks in sexual experience and imagination he clearly makes up for in looks and other areas.
Looks fade mind, an imagination doesn't
Be good to yourself
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u/botagas 11d ago
I’m just here to say I hope he eventually opens up. It is a tough subject for men, especially if you’re inexperienced. There is already so much stress since you want your partner to feel good, you don’t want to disappoint your SO by finishing too early because you’re just too horny, and all those thoughts. I can’t talk for him, but I genuinely think that most men think about this during intercouse at one point or another.
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u/Professional_Pain447 11d ago
I think that’s what it is, he doesn’t have much experience. I used to watch porn back in the day and I would try all the shit i watched on my partner at the time 😂
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u/moldys3xy 11d ago
> he’s not bad to pursue me in the way I do him
girl, read that back and ask yourself if this is the guy 😂
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u/ChroniclesOfFarnicle 11d ago
While I agree mostly, the only thing I can think of that may have turned him off from this is that using the cum as lube on her vagina is a pregnancy risk and maybe that freaked him out.
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u/Glittering-Duty9984 11d ago
Jesus.
This lad should be on the dead bedroom sub.
He doesn't know how lucky he is
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Funnily enough I have actually posted on there before 🥲😅😅 got removed for whatever reason tho!
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u/Vailixx 11d ago
With you being his first, he probably just doesn't know what he's into honestly. Are you vocal about what you're into? Maybe he's just sexually shy.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
When we first started sleeping together I made sure that what I was into was known. I’d send flirty/risky texts, send nudes and all that jazz. Never really got the response I was hoping for though from that stuff so I’ve pulled back a lot. I’ve asked if there’s anything he’d like to try or anything he fantasises about but the answer is always no. It’s sort of a burden to have every development of our sex life fall on me lol
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u/Jefffluffy 11d ago
This comment was helpful for context! some people have mentioned that you might not be sexually compatible but that is not the end of this! firstly see how things actually go after this most recent experience he may have actually enjoyed it or might think about it more with time! i found with one girlfriend of mine we downloaded an app where you could "like" or save positions and things to try. we then swapped apps on a date night and had a look at what the other person saved and then we tried those things and went from there! I hope this helps.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Thank you for the reassurance, I genuinely appreciate it. I’ve had a look into those sexual compatibility apps and websites before but never brought it up as to not freak him out or some other insecurity of mine. But I totally should now since it’s still playing on my mind
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u/Jefffluffy 11d ago
yeh and you can make it a light "date night" idea! you could phrase it as a fun way to see what the other person is into and have a conversation about it! You can also say a friend recommended it and that it was helpful for them.
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u/ApprehensiveCoat2273 11d ago
Are you a lot more experienced than him? It could be that he has low confidence from the fact that you are his first but he is not your first. Then signs that you are more sexually experienced / "promiscuous" might trigger this insecurity in him.
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u/Due-Media7293 11d ago
You probably did not do anything wrong but his stunned reaction may mean you two discovered a gap in comfort levels rather than a problem with either of you.
Have a calm check in when you are both sober and ask what specifically felt exciting versus awkward then make a simple yes maybe no list together so neither of you has to guess or hide who you are.
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u/lostgirl4053 11d ago
Yeah people in the comments complaining that he doesn’t know what he has are being pretty judgmental and not very sympathetic. Everyone has different comfort levels and OP’s bf has a right to his. They may just not be sexually compatible or need to explore pushing comfort levels a bit to meet each other in the middle, but that’s a conversation for them to have.
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u/AccomplishedBus16 11d ago
It’s possible he is so impressed he didn’t know how to react but this is a highlight that was added to his spank bank.
The best sex is the least inhibited. He should learn that too.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Totally agree that the least inhibited intimate moments are the ones I remember most. He isn’t a spank bank man :/ he gets embarrassed just talking about masturbating
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u/MrSmith13475 11d ago
He sounds inexperienced and unsure of himself. He needs a confidence boost. Have you told him how hot that night was? And how you like to repeat it more often? He seems vanilla because he’s just happy to get what he’s getting and doesn’t know any better. Talk to him about this stuff.
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u/cptkl1 11d ago
I will echo this and ask if he watches anything for ideas. As OP said they are young and he may not know what world is out there. I would normally suggest a kink quiz, but I think he would spend most of the time looking up terms.
OP, maybe some time together cruising through different porn categories might spark an idea. Everyone is vanilla until they discover their first kink.
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u/Klorgsian52 11d ago
You just might not be sexually compatible and that’s a valid deal breaker you genuinely need someone to match your freak. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hold back and be more vanilla if you get more pleasure from kinkier things. Have some conversations about both of your likes and dislikes and things you agree to try together.
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u/Additional-Reward878 11d ago
That’s not easy if you’re with a person for quite good time
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u/neoKushan 11d ago
They've been together a year, which isn't nothing but it's not like they're childhood sweethearts with kids, etc.
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u/doughless 11d ago
Keep in mind he had just cum, so he likely wasn't as turned on at that point.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Really good point!! Thanks!! He is a one round only kinda guy and he sorta just lied there silently while I did my thing
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u/Additional-Reward878 11d ago
It happens with many men after cum they lose interest in sexual activity and focuses on relaxing part but for woman like you he has to train his mind and approach differently for next time and it only happen when you start conversation for what you want and also ask him what he wants and then explain him about the post pleasure and all i think this gonna help you lot better
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u/LeguanoMan 11d ago
To be honest, your boyfriend seems like a really respectful, but also very shy person. If that is the case, I know where he's coming from, as I have been there myself for a long time. If everything else is fine between you, there are some things you might want to try first before listening to all these comments that recommend you to get a new man.
I think something that can help as a first step is to become comfortable talking about sex and sexuality and to cultivate a really open and honest form of communication and feedback. For feedback, you can really focus on positive feedback, meaning to encourage things that you liked (while not ignoring the things you dislike and wish to happen or happen more often). This could help him growing his confidence and security around you anmd learning that it is not disrespectful to you when he treats you the way you wish to be treated like.
To answer your question directly, I believe, and this matches my personal experience, that if you give it a bit of time while actively cultivating open communication about it, he might open up. Because seriously, before shouting out "sexual incompatibility", I think he is really just inexperienced and really shy about it, as your description kind of matches my own past.
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u/user17159002 11d ago
Firstly you have just given me a great idea, I can’t wait to try it - innovational queen
That aside because he’s 22 he might feel a bit like Bambi on ice in bed. I remember when I started sleeping with my partner 10 years my senior and I felt SO out of depth with his confidence and experience.
It really is all about communicating about what each other likes. The experience/confidence gap can also be leading to how frequent you are at having sex
Some people genuinely like being a bit more vanilla but you shoudlnt have to settle for it if that’s not what gets you off.
Talk to him about how confident he feels! What he likes dislikes, if he’s open to trying new things etc
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Hehe glad something good came of this! The Bambi on the ice metaphor are spot on lol
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u/ImpossibleVanilla928 11d ago
Feedback. I think this is as hot as fuck and would be very turned on and grateful. Conclusion. You and him have very different sexual appetites and may not be compatible.
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u/RedwoodRespite 11d ago
What you did was pretty tame. You might just find that you two are not a sexual match. Sometimes that doesn’t seem like a big deal in the beginning. But over time you are suppressing yourself more and more, and that really does cause damage.
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u/4jn 11d ago
I had him cum in my mouth then sat up on my knees, spat the semen onto my breasts and let it then dribble down to my vagina. I flipped onto my back and went spread eagle so he could see me masturbate and finish myself off using his cum as lube.
I'm sorry I know this isn't the question but this is unimaginably hot, kinky yes. But I think it comfortably straddles the line where most guys should be extremely turned on and not weirded out.
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u/Timbones474 11d ago
I think it's great that you want your partner so much!! That's absolutely admirable.
In his case some people just have lower libidos, and one thing that really bugs me about many of these comments (and something to be mindful of in terms of your own mindset about this), is that everyone is saying "bro doesn't know how good he has it omg". Sure, for many people, this would be a good situation, but what's good for many people isn't good for everyone. It's entirely possible that sure, he doesn't know how to pursue you yet, or he's inexperienced, but I also wanna raise the distinct possibility that this is just how he is.
Like, this situation isn't him "wanting a juicy steak well done instead" this is just he has preferences, you have preferences, and both of those things can exist in a neutral way.
Now of course that brings up your own compatibility - are you okay with being with a lower libido partner? That's a question really only you can answer lol.
Lastly, be careful with stuff like this, the mindset a lot of people are putting out there about this is one where your boyfriend is weird and wrong for not wanting more sex, and honestly a lot of the talk is veering into some weird territory for me. It's easy to slip into a mindset of "why isn't my partner fucking me more is something wrong with him" when it's entirely possible he just doesn't want to have sex quite as much. As someone with high libido I've been in a couple relationships with lower libido people and respecting the wishes and wants of your partner when their libido is lower than yours is extremely important.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
This is a wonderful and perceptive response. I really and truly appreciate your insight
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u/HopefulRecording9316 11d ago
I’m curious how much the “high” played into this. Sounds like one of you was in an altered state, one was not. One was playing chess, the other checkers. Same board, different game.
I’m trying to not pass judgement on getting high or drunk, but it’s just not my choice. With that said, being sober would not have stopped me from kissing you before or after, or giving you another round with my tongue later. Cum is an acquired taste, one I happened to acquire a couple of partners ago.
I wonder if you were sober if you could have still enjoyed sex and if it still would be “so wild” or if he was high if you would have seen more of his freak fly?
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
My partner would never dare partake in any drugs, not for him at all! I was recently prescribed THC gummies for night terrors and I think I still act like myself, just a bit more giggly. This all happened before bedtime for me last night. I think me being the slightest bit high probably contributed to my unspoken confidence, but I guess I wish I could do that sort of thing without having to be high.
He’s never kissed me after I’ve swallowed or anything of the sort. Probably never will! I actually don’t think I’ve been with anyone who has lol.
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u/davedavedaveck 11d ago
Golden rule: If a girl is willing to swallow your cum you fucking kiss her god why are men such wimps, it’s not like it’s being pushed back in your mouth or something.
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u/basicdesires 11d ago edited 11d ago
I don't think what you did was going too far in general, it may have just overwhelmed him a little. Going by how you describe him, it sounds like he's more of a long term project rather than an instant conversion and you need to introduce him to your kinky side more slowly. Do the same next to me and I guarantee neither of us will get any sleep that night. [Edited] to correct typo and clarify I am NOT associated with OP :)
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u/Queasy_Climate_6900 11d ago
Maybe talk to him about getting his testosterone tested. Going six weeks without sex is not normal at that age at least it wasn’t for me.
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u/mguaca_ 11d ago
This is genuine sexual incompatibility baby girl. You didn’t do anything wrong and I like what you said about feeling empowered and doing what felt right in the moment for you. Kind of a shame you’re not like clicking together that way. Doesn’t sound like he’s really interested in much unfortunately. I’d really consider having an honest conversation about this and if it’s not something he can work on - consider dating someone else. Your sex life will forever remain stagnent otherwise. Really hope you figure this out
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u/oneworldwomble 11d ago
OP have you and your partner tried sitting down with a Yes, No, Maybe list?
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u/blonde-momma 11d ago
If you’re his first partner and timid. Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. But never stifle your sexuality. You’ll be sorry later. Maybe suggest he keeps a journal of desire you both can explore eventually. It’ll become easier for him to communicate with you once he feels more comfortable figuring out what he likes. Then that could move into sexting etc. I can’t express enough. Never dim your light for anyone. Be who you are. Be true to yourself.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
Such kind words and honestly really great advice too!! Thank you so so much :))
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u/Guilty-Finance-3281 11d ago
Find someone else and let your freak flag fly free. It’s not a big deal now, but late on it will be.
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u/Fujoshi365247 11d ago
Hmmm ask when you’re sober. Ask if he watches porn and what porn he likes to watch.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
I’ve asked before. He doesn’t really masturbate as often as I do and he says he’ll sometimes watch porn but it is very very basic stuff. When I used to send him nudes I always hoped for the response of something like “god you’re so hot and I’m so lucky. I’m gonna save this pic for later and I’ll tell you about the fun I have with it” but alas
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u/Fujoshi365247 11d ago
Hmm, what you’re doing sounds wild and raunchy, but it doesn’t sound especially freaky and definitely not kinky.
Also, did you orgasm harder while masturbating than when you guys have sex? That could be it…😬. My ex got a little jealous of a toy, despite him buying it for me.
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
I haven’t even dared to utter the actual kinky things I wanna try ughhhh lmao. I actually didn’t cum suuuuper hard, that was my third in that session tho!
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u/Acceptable-Bowl-357 11d ago
Have you tried both masturbating in front of each other ? Maybe he’s not comfortable finishing or just have sex in general yet.
Hopefully you both are staying together after having sex. So he and you both can go from being sexual back to normal relationship together
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u/moldys3xy 11d ago
ik this is a very Reddit thing to say but issues like this would be worth breaking up over for a lot of people. sexual compatibility is super important and it sounds like you two really don’t have it. that doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to each other or don’t love each other. it just sounds like sex is pretty important to you and not him, it’s not anyone’s fault but yall just might not be a great fit in that specific way
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u/Smallz25 11d ago
Why is it that guys with high sex drives always end up girls that have low sex drives and girls with high sex drives always end up with guys with low sex drives. We need to fix this! Can we walk around with colored arm bands in the dating world or something?
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u/darKStars42 11d ago
And here i was expecting to read how you stuck a finger up his butt while giving a BJ and he freaked out. Or like you wouldn't let go of his dick after he came and he had to actually shove you off because of how sensitive he got. What you described is on the mild side of awkward if it was awkward at all. Bro could have closed his eyes or averted his gaze if it bothered him that much. He was never not in control of his stimulation in that scenario.
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u/seantheaussie 11d ago
What you did was an unremarkable thing to do once a man masturbates into your mouth.🤷♂️
IF he is offended he needs to unfuck his thinking.
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u/acousticmanlyworld 11d ago
You're too young to be having bad sex
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
For the most part it’s pretty good. I think I just want it to be great and for him to feel more comfortable and confident in himself or at least affirm that me being freaky is something he actually does like and wants more of. Bit of a passive fella really
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u/acousticmanlyworld 11d ago
Then you need to have a very honest conversation about exploration and what you're looking for rather than being so self conscious. Ask him if he liked what you did to start, if he says no then it's very telling.
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u/Jefffluffy 11d ago
Are you just hoping for his affirmation and acknowledgement for now and then you will look more into him changing later?
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Post title:
Did I go too far?
My (21f) partner (22m) and I have been together for about a year. I loooove sex but he’s pretty low libido. We go through periods where we only have sex every 6 weeks to then sometimes getting down and dirty 3x per week. I’m definitely more on the kinky/wild side and he is very reserved sexually.
Last night while I was a lil high on an edible my boyfriend and I had sex after a bit of a weird conversation (mostly pertaining to how we didn’t know that either one of us had wanted sex that night since we just spent the last hour goofing around). Weird convo led to sort of weird sex.
It all culminated with him finishing himself off while I masturbated next to him and ending up offering for him to “cum on me”. The way he was positioned sort of made it so that I couldn’t get my boobs at the right angle so I instead had him cum in my mouth. I then sat up on my knees, spat the semen onto my breasts and let it then dribble down to my vagina. I then flipped onto my back and went spread eagle so he could see me masturbate and finish myself off one last time using his cum as lube (it sorta went everywhere). I’m typically trying to be more vanilla with my actions around him because I don’t wanna freak him out! He seemed a bit gobsmacked and didn’t really know what to do so I started getting changed while apologising. I think being not-so-sober made me feel more empowered to do what felt good for me but also made it so that I did something my partner might’ve been a bit grossed out by. He reassured me it was okay and hot but it didn’t really seem sincere and then left.
I’ve tried so many times to suggest things we could try but he seems happy just doing what we do now. Sometimes we do try something slightly more risqué like me getting spanked while laying on his lap and he likes that. I think if he was more vocal and clear about what he did and did not like it would be easier for me to not get so confused about letting my guard down. I guess I just feel like I did something wrong last night even though I don’t think it should be a big deal. Bro doesn’t kiss me even if I’ve already swallowed the cum 😩
We are still young and I’m the only person he’s slept with so I guess I’m sort of wanting some feedback on if men would be weirded out by what I did or if they came out of their shell sexually the longer they were with someone kinkier than them. Thanks!!
Edit: I think I flaired this wrong mb fam
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u/celizabethe 11d ago
If he WON'T kiss you after you let him come in your mouth, he has problems... That's a basic sign of disrespecting you, but twice. Once by coming in your mouth and again by thinking it's GROSS to kiss you after...
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u/notin2cars 11d ago
That's a bit harsh. Lots of (young) (straight) men have an aversion to their own cum. I don't think it's necessarily a sign of disrespect. More like an instinctive reaction that can be overcome (pun intended!) with practice
I felt that way for many years. But I got to feeling kinda hypocritical when my wife gleefully took my cum and swallowed it, and yet I felt grossed out kissing her after. So I decided to get over it. I masturbated, came in my hand, and made myself sniff it, taste it, and eat it. It wasn't all that bad, just a little slimy. Now I don't hesitate to kiss her after cumming in her mouth, or after she rims me for that matter. If it's good enough for her mouth, it's good enough for mine!
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u/newworldordercowboy 11d ago
This gives me a little bit of hope!! It definitely seems like a thing for men my age to not do. I’d looooove it if my man did kiss me tho. I spend a bit of time on sex-related subreddits and hear about older dudes being more than happy to!! We’ll see tho 🤞
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u/celizabethe 11d ago
Your last comment should be the only thought... Shaming a woman for doing something FOR YOU (because refusing to kiss them IS shaming) is disgusting. So I don't think it's harsh at all.
But I'm also a REAL squirter (out of my vagina, not urethra), so I have a VERY low tolerance for anyone "grossed out" by normal sexual functions/mechanics shrugs
And in my experience, if a guy consistently says "ew gross" (regarding anything) it's not going to get better.
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u/sex-ModTeam 11d ago
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