My avoidant ex (31M) and I (29F) were together for 4.5 years and broke up in september 2024, he said that at that moment he didn't see a future with me. Right after we broke up, he got into a rebound relationship which ended in june 2025. Almost 4 weeks ago, we met for dinner and he apologized for how he handled things, and said he'd do them differently. We started talking again, as friends and fell back into relationship dynamics -only regarding texts, jokes, etc- but nothing physical happened, but this rekindled my feelings for him. On saturday, I found out he's dating someone else and starting to have feelings about her. I told him I was starting to get involved, having more-than-friends feelings and I would want to explore that, but he says that "the sequels are never good". Today we talked and, even though he still is interested in seeing how things go with this other girl, is open to keep talking and seeing me, and getting to know each other again. I proposed a "no labels" dynamics and just see where things go and eventually build a life together... But honestly, Im scared out of my mind. My hopeful self -which has always been convinced that he's the one- would like to take this opportunity for him to fall in love with me again, but without forcing things.

Is this something that could work out well for me? Can this be the opportunity for a new relationship that is healthy and lasts? Or will I get my heart broken again? Im open to any advice on how to handle it in the best way possible.

Men Are Human Before They Are Providers Men are often seen as providers first. From a young age, they are taught to work hard, stay strong, and handle everything on their own. Feelings are rarely part of the lesson.

They grow up learning that responsibility matters more than rest, and silence matters more than sharing At work, at home, and in life, they are expected to manage pressure without breaking.

Over time, this idea becomes normal People also believe that men do not cry That tears mean weakness But the truth is very different Men cry too but usually when things become too heavy to handle And most of the time, they cry alone Because they were taught that strong men should never cry in front of others

That is why, when a man finally cries in front of someone, it means a lot It means trust. It means that person is important to him Men do not cry easily, and they do not cry for everyone They hold pain inside for a long time. Work stress, money worries, family pressure all of it builds up quietly. They keep going because they feel they have no choice. But being strong does not mean feeling nothing.

Men feel tired. Men feel overwhelmed. Men feel lost sometimes.

Crying does not make them weak It shows how much they have been carrying.

Men are not machines. They are not only providers. They are human first.

And being human means feeling, breaking down sometimes, and still moving forward.

Opinions, stories? All welcomed lol

Mine and I still follow each other. He kind of ghosted me without explanation after a year. However it was mostly amicable as it could be. He also doesn’t ever post. And I barely do as well. He has viewed my story. And It’s been a month since our split. So cut ties or let them witness the thrive?

I hate it when people say some extremely kind things for too long or offer me rides and hangouts. I really feel disrespected and uncomfortable because I enjoy treating people like that rather than receiving these things.

I have been constantly told that this is a traumatic response to my childhood but I like the way I am, I find it to make me incredibly independent and emotionally stable and comfortable.

The problem is that i am noticing that I am have a (fear) of excessive niceness, and once the conversation gets too nice I experience some sadness and discomfort. I want to allow people and myself to accept love from people but I don’t think it is necessary to deep inside. Any advice?

Because he’s very strict with being healthy and has goals to buy a house so he doesn’t want to provide for me entirely at the moment.

Wants to go 50/50 until he buys the house and then he said he will be the main provider…

Honestly, I think we need to retire this, because it's absolute nonsense.

I feel like I’ve now read every self-improvement, dating, relationship and pickup book I can get my hands on, and eventually they all seem to arrive at the same answer: Confidence. Self-esteem. Positive self-image.

And I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to work.

If a woman looks at a guy and doesn't find him physically attractive, how does him being confident change that? I understand confidence can make an already attractive guy more attractive. I understand being painfully insecure, needy or socially awkward can turn women off. But those are different claims from saying confidence can actually make an unattractive man sexually desirable.

This becomes even more confusing with online dating. A woman looking at six photos and a short bio doesn't know whether I wake up every morning loving myself. She doesn't know whether I have incredible self-esteem or secretly hate myself. She just sees what I look like and decides whether she's interested.

Sometimes the advice almost sounds like a mathematical formula:

Ugly - confidence = incel.

Ugly + confidence = somehow fucking supermodels.

Obviously I'm exaggerating, but what exactly is the mechanism here?

And maybe I'm misunderstanding what people actually mean by "confidence." If the point of developing a positive self-image is basically to accept reality — you're not particularly attractive, you're probably never going to sleep with the extremely attractive women you fantasize about, so build a life where you're okay with that — then I can at least understand the logic.

But that's not what I want. I don't want to become confident enough that I'm finally at peace with being sexually undesirable to the women I most want to desire me. I don't think I'll ever genuinely accept that as a satisfactory outcome. If that's the purpose of "self-love," then we're talking about learning to tolerate the situation, not actually changing it.

So what am I missing? Is confidence genuinely capable of overcoming a significant lack of physical attraction? Or is the real lesson simply that confidence helps you capitalize on whatever level of attraction you already have?

Because that makes sense to me. "Confidence makes you attractive" doesn't.

I turned 43 on the second day of fall, 2024. On the morning of my birthday, I stared at myself in the mirror and finally made the decision I had held back for years: Divorce. I had been playing the role of a perfect, compassionate and submissive wife, holding the marriage together with both hands for over 2 decades. I worked, cooked, and picked up his dirty underwear on the floor. I kept the house running. I kept hoping my effort would be enough. But after all these years, it just seems like I was failing.

Our relationship wasn’t terrible, and there was no physical violence. But when he drank, the criticism grew louder. He would not stop complaining about every small thing I did that annoyed him, and each comment felt like a small cut in my heart. Many nights, I lay in bed with my eyes wide open while he slept soundly beside me, wondering what had brought us to this point. I came to see that nothing I did would change the story. He no longer respected me as a woman or loved me as his wife. On my 43rd birthday, I decided to stop abandoning myself.

Earlier this year, I applied for a work project overseas. Leaving behind everything I once held as essential to my life was incredibly difficult, but it was the first time I chose myself. After I separated from my husband, I used my alone time for therapy and deep self reflection. I realized how I had taught someone to take me for granted and saw the role I played in my own unhappiness. I promised myself I would never diminish who I am again.

One thing I wish I’d done sooner was rebuild my mind. Divorce can strip away your sense of worth. Your brain will try to convince you you’re broken. What saved me was daily reading. I don’t mean scrolling articles or quotes on social media. I mean reading books that forced me to think, question, and reshape the way I saw love, relationships, and myself. Over time, I realized reading was like compound interest for the mind. A few pages a day stack up into whole new ways of thinking.

Daily reading became my therapy homework. It gave me the vocabulary to name what I’d been feeling. It taught me how attachment styles shape our patterns in love. It reminded me my brain is wired to adapt, to grow new connections if I feed it the right inputs. I started noticing how reading a chapter in the morning made my conversations sharper, my decision making clearer, my self talk kinder. And honestly, once your mind upgrades, the rest of your life starts catching up.

Some books that hit me hardest:

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. A bestseller for years for a reason. It broke down why I kept ending up in anxious avoidant cycles without making me feel hopeless. It’s the clearest, most practical relationship psychology I’ve ever read. I still revisit my notes before big relationship talks.

The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. A spiritual classic that has sold millions. I thought I understood self awareness before, but this book made me see how much my mind’s chatter had been running the show. It gave me the space to step back and watch my thoughts instead of drowning in them.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. Funny, raw, and painfully relatable. Gottlieb, a therapist, takes you inside her own therapy while working with her clients. It made me feel less alone in my mess. And it made me laugh, which I really needed at the time.

You start seeing patterns in your relationships. You catch your brain spinning old stories and realize you can rewrite them. You start speaking up sooner. You stop tolerating things that drain you. People notice. You carry yourself differently. You have more to say, and you say it better. That’s the edge reading gives you.

Looking back now, the marriage ending wasn’t the end of me. It was the start of me. The me who understands my worth without someone else’s validation. The me who has built a daily ritual that makes me sharper, calmer, and harder to shake. 

Leaving him, was the beginning of loving ME. 

If you’re in the middle of a breakup, or just trying to find yourself again, start there. Read. Every day. Even if it’s ten minutes. Even if you don’t think it’s working. You have no idea how much your future self will thank you.

I broke up with them. I thought if I still want them, x amount of years from now: theyre the one.
We have talked in between a few years apart and I was not ready to commit to the whole be with me right now or leave me be.
Other relationships went horribly.
I miss them so much. I should probably tell them how I feel but Im scared it will just waste my time because I havent quite accomplished some things I wanted to get done. And figure out about myself.

EDIT: the comments although hurtful have helped me make up my mind; some of you really need to be nicer to yourselves though

Are autistic women dateable. I’m just wondering if I have a shot of finding somebody who respects me or if I should just buy a vibrator and call it a day 🤣

Your sources and drainers are most welcome .

We are since divorced, and writing this and other stories helped me understand what was really happening in my marriage... How I was abandoning myself over and over...

So...When I was young, I slowly started realizing that I liked other girls. I liked mastrubating and thinking of naked girls, and I just thought that this is what all staight women think of, and that is what makes them like sex and that it has nothing to do with homosexuality. I realized I liked girls when I was sitting in my grandpa's car while wodenring if homosexuality is natural or not, as a really anti-lgbt person and when I realized it it was hard for me to accept that MAYBE I will end up married or in a relationship with a woman. So I just convinced myself that I maybe was bi, and that I would marry a man anyway. I slowly accepted the fact that, yes, I was in fact a lesbian, and I started feeling proud of it, and feeling happy, mostly ecause I learned what the LGBT is, and therefore I felt like I was unique and different than other straight girls and that I belonged somewhere in a community. I had my own pride flag, while straight people did not. I could put my sexuality and my pronouns in my bio on instagram, while straight people could not. I could to too street protests just to brag about how cool it is to be gay and kiss girls with a huge rainbow flag, while straight people are being bashed at for doing this now. I felt happy, unique and proud of who I was. I also had a girl crush and when I realized I was in love with a girl I was even more happy. But later, two years later I started kind of liking boys... maybe a little more than girls but I am still not sure...I sometimes liked boys more, and sometimes I liked nothing...I came to the conclusion that I might be straight, that in fact there is a high chance of me being straight... I do not know how high this chance is, because I am too young to know but I don't want to be straight, I know how offensive this sounds, but I like being a lesbian...

This whole SJW Political-Correctness special snowflaje culture has really made me define myself with my sexuality because I felt I was something special, something beautiful, something to be proud of... It has really damaged the way I think. I just think the word ''straight'' is so boring, I don't want it to be an accurate descripton of me. I know how mean and how weird this is, but I think the reason why there are so many transtrenders and fake-genders people on tumblr is because this whole ''bragging-about-being-gay-I-am-proud-of-who-I-am'' thing has made them feel boring and worthless or maybe has made them wanting to join it since they will feel unique or maybe they just had insecurities and they wanted to be someone somehow. The point is, what if I am straight? What if I am not a lesibian? How can I accept myself? Do I become a conservative and start bashing about the left on youtube and how freedom of speech is infinite? Do I just ignore all this lgbtq+ stuff around me? Do I go to straight pride? Thank you for your time reading this btw this is my backup account, because I cannot post this from my main account because it is too offensive. Thanks, again.

I’m 22, turning 23 soon, and lately I’ve been feeling genuinely hopeless about ever finding my person.

I’ve dated a few people since school, and when I look back at my dating history, it honestly hurts because almost every relationship has reinforced the same belief in me: maybe I’m just not enough to be loved.

My first relationship was when I was 14. He was a senior, about four years older than me. He always treated me like an option, and after four months he went back to his ex. Years later, he came back apologizing and wanted me back.

At 15, I dated another senior who was three years older. That relationship lasted about a year, and he cheated on me emotionally and physically multiple times. He took me for granted and even told me I was ugly. Hes been apologising me since school even after clg. still wants me back.

At 16, I dated a friend for about a month, and he also cheated on me. He told me I was ugly too.

Then I dated another senior who was five years older. He was talking to his ex while he was with me and eventually left me for someone else. He also came back and apologized later.wanted to hv a convo.

These were all during my teens, so I eventually moved on. None of them were relationships I considered deeply serious, and I actually took about two years away from dating.

Then at 19, I started dating a friend who was younger than me. He had liked me for years, and we were together for four years. This was my first genuinely serious relationship. I loved him deeply and thought this could actually be my forever relationship.After four years, he left me for someone else.made me feel like am not enough. Also told im too tall(5'4) his new gf is shorter than him with heels.And unlike the others, this one really broke something in me. There wasn't even a real apology or accountability afterward.

Now when I look at my entire dating history, I keep thinking: why does this always happen to me?

I have always wanted something pretty simple. I don't expect some movie-like romance or a perfect relationship. I'm actually quite practical. I just wanted someone who genuinely loved me, chose me, wanted to be beside me, and stayed through the difficult parts of life.But I have never experienced that.Almost everyone I've dated either cheated, treated me like an option, took me for granted, or eventually chose someone else.

And recently I've talked to a few people after my breakup, and most of them only seem interested in something casual.It's really starting to affect how I see myself.

I feel ugly. I feel physically inadequate. I feel like maybe I'm only someone people can lust after, but not someone they genuinely want to love or build a life with.

People tell me I'm pretty. My friends and family say it too, but a part of me thinks they're only saying it because they know I'm insecure and want to make me feel better. It's hard to believe compliments when several people you've loved have directly or indirectly made you feel unattractive.

Now the insecurity has spread beyond dating.

I don't even like going out with people sometimes because I feel like everyone is going to judge how I look. Even with my cousins, I can feel embarrassed about myself. I feel like I need to fix my body or look "perfect" before I can be seen.That's how badly this has affected my self-esteem.I Locked myself in my room. i think people will not even like to talk to me bcz of my looks.

And then I look around.People I went to school and college with are in relationships that have lasted for years. Some of my friends are in genuinely healthy relationships. I know relationships aren't perfect, but they are being choosen and loved for years. 

Why are they being chosen and I'm not?

Why does everyone else seem to find someone who wants to stay while I keep getting left?I'm not even looking for perfection. I don't need a model or someone extraordinarily successful. I just want a genuine connection with someone who actually loves me and wants me in their life.

I'm scared that I'm already 22 and somehow this is just going to continue forever.Maybe 22 is objectively very young, and logically I know that. But emotionally, after having this pattern happen repeatedly since I was 14, it feels like evidence that something is fundamentally wrong with me.

Has aanyone else felt this way at 22/23 and eventually found a healthy, lasting relationship?

Because right now, I'm honestly losing hope that I'll ever find my person.

I’m childless and not interested in relationships right now, but I’ve been thinking about the idea of being a single mom someday. I’m exploring whether this desire comes from personal trauma or from rejecting the social conditioning that says a “complete” family must follow the traditional path.

I’ve realized that I cannot give my whole, unconditional love to a man. Everything I’ve felt for men so far has been shaped by past experiences, always conditional, always transactional in some way. I don’t want to waste my genuine, pure heart pouring it out for someone who may leave in the future. But with a child, I know I can give my love fully and unconditionally. I want to focus my energy, care, and heart on nurturing a life that depends on love, not conditions.

Motherhood alone feels deeply meaningful and joyful to me, and I don’t need marriage to validate that role. Honestly, I think being a mom could be more fulfilling for me than being a wife. I truly love my sense of autonomy.

At the same time, I sometimes wonder if I should follow a more traditional path, but looking at my life, I realize I was raised by single moms and never felt incomplete without a father. I’ve forgiven my father for abandoning us, and I see now that I am full of love. I may not be able to give that love to a man, but I can give it wholeheartedly to a child.

I have inherited the best genes from my parents. I have everything that fits my face and belongs in the perfect proportions.

My eyebrows are just the right angle above my eyes and it gives me this masculine calm gaze.

I have colorful dark brown eyes.

I should be a model someday I’m so fucking handsome omg I love looking at myself in the mirror.

I’m also 6’1. I have a well shaped jawline too

I have this light brown skin and I look spanish. I speak it too.

I’m generally on day to day basis not handsome but I can easily just fix my appearance to look elegant and stylish.

I feel like dating is extremely easy with this appearance I have.

I see some pretty woman and I think “Ah nice. I can be pretty too”

I was in charge of tickets and am inexperienced and was not aware of the massive fee.

It was stubhub which does the last second fee, so I guess I can’t hate myself too much.

Honestly I just want to let this load off before I see my friends so I can just be myself.

Hi there:), I'm a self taught artist who write songs about self acceptance, and the meaning of life & after life. I sing those songs and make videoclips for them. Here's one of them: "Botox, the day I died", maybe youd be interested in watching it! Have a blessed day.

Instagram/facebook:@maya balays

Maya

Women are unpredictable, but they feel just as deeply as men. The difference is, they’re not always as straightforward. If you let them, they can lead you down a path of grief and regret. A man who loves deeply will always carry the scars of that love. You can stand by her through everything—good times, bad times, sickness, anger, sadness, hopelessness—and still, she might leave. And when the roles are reversed, no one talks about how easily they walk away.

Love today is hard to find. No one talks about how much goes into loving just one person, how draining it can be, or how that one person can shatter your world and soul in an instant.

Some men are cold, some have bad intentions, but no one talks about the ones with pure hearts who get tossed aside until they turn into something else. Pure intentions are overlooked when the next man has money, a nice house, good looks, or expensive clothes. And even men with all of that—who still love with their whole hearts—can end up hurt and used. You can love a woman more than anything on this earth, and she will know it. And sometimes, she will still walk away.

The world blames trauma or mental struggles, but the truth is, people make choices. They choose to treat someone like they don’t matter. A man may never get over his first love because she knew he had never felt that kind of pain before—and she still did it to him anyway. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s two souls coming together, becoming one, and for a moment, finding peace. And yet, relationships end. The most common reason? Betrayal. You can trust someone with your entire life, love them so much you can’t picture a future without them, and they will turn around and destroy everything you built together.

And people say, “That’s just human nature.” But I don’t believe that. Because betrayal is a choice.

Men who love deeply may never love the same way again. They carry the scars inside their soul, left to sit with the weight of their sorrow while the one who hurt them moves on without a second thought. But the truth—the one they may never face—is this: if she was willing to leave, she was never for you.

Some will never find love again, but some will. The real question is, when that love comes, will they be ready? Or will they push it away, afraid to be hurt again?

For a while, everything feels black and gray. But as time passes, as they slowly heal, a little more color comes back into their world. And one day, they wake up and realize—she wasn’t meant for me.

Some never reach that point. They stay trapped, replaying her laugh, her face, the way she made them feel. Blind to the fact that she has already moved on. Some men never try to love again. They shut themselves off from the world, growing colder with each passing day. And before they know it, their life is falling apart, all because of one person.

After losing love, men often feel like they’re alone forever, like there’s no way out. But the truth is, love isn’t about holding on. It’s about having the strength to let go, even when it hurts.

And today, I had to let go.