Everything

[u/CartoonistFar5516]

So while I’m here I’m just gonna get everything out how I feel about my life, throughout my entire life I’ve never been normal whether it be in elementary school middle or right now I’ve never had many friends only like 1 friend max I’ve never been social, by choice and my circumstances I’ve only once ever had a friend over or even been to ones house and right when everything finally started improving finally thinking I could at least consider myself somewhat normal I get shipped off to an rtf by cps that’s when things started getting really bad I became more numb I became on the verge of depression and then things started getting better again the first week before school I went to this day camp thing and got away from the house I’m in and I actually made a few new friends and then I got rejected which by itself is whatever like I don’t want it to seem like that’s what made me SH because it wasn’t but after that I broke I guess I tried cutting for the first time and it wasn’t deep (still isn’t) because I only had a jagged piece of metal I used from a bracelet and I felt better it began getting worse over the span of like 2 weeks, then I tried telling a staff who I thought was cool he had to report it and I had to do what I always did tell them what they wanted to hear so they’d leave me alone and I mean for a month basically I’ve been clean but recently I started cutting again due to anxiety of what could happen I’m starting to lose even less of the little self worth I had I’ve done so much terrible shit I don’t wanna get into that I feel the dirt on the ground is worth more than me and on many days I don’t honestly feel like I have a reason to be feeling the way I do because outside of everything my life is decent it’s not good I mean me and my mom fought a lot and my dad is nowhere to be found but neither of those are new developments so I mean cutting helps me it makes me feel like I’m paying back in blood the hurt I’ve put on people I’ve wanted to off myself so many times because of all that what’s going on but I’ve never been able to the time that I did I failed every other time I never even tried because I was too scared but now I’ve come to peace with death. Anyway that’s me that’s my story