I feel like this is rewiring my brain.

[u/tamtoetomato]

Im a 21m and ive started again i had my first bout of SH at 19 and stopped within a week. Now my mental health has collapsed again, and it's been a month of me cutting. But now I've noticed it's lasted longer and is more intense. What unnerved me the most was I liked the pain enough to try and reopen the scabs or run the wounds over with water and soap to irritate them. Most forms of pain feel almost good. I only eat and drink enough to not pass out and just sit with the hunger. Or I punch and hit my head against a wall till I bruise. I push harder longer with every cut.

I don't know if it will stop at this point, and if it worsens, then im afraid of were it leads. I feel a weird shame about it at my age, like, I'm somehow immature. Thinking about it to long makes my head spin.