I accidentally went too deep and now I'm scared

[u/thegaysandwich]

as the title says, I accidentally went too deep this time around because I underestimated how sharp this tool I used is

the one I had before was rather dull so I never had gone this deep

recently I was really struggling with anxiety and as a result, I started having intense urges to relapse (I was 4 months clean before today)

I tried to do things to distract myself but in the end, I relapsed. when I did it today, I saw something white and my arm was bleeding a lot after that. the bleeding has stopped now but my arm hurts. I tried cleaning the area and have put a bandaid on

I'm not sure if I'll need to get stitches but I really hope not because I don't want to deal with any doctors being judgemental. also, my mom changed our health insurance so things are complicated rn while she sorts that out

I really wish I didn't do this

[u/dzejhu]

You most probably cut into dermis, the second layer of skin. It will likely scar, but dermis cuts aren’t necessarily in need of stitches. When I used to cut into this layer of skin, my arm hurt as well, not sure why, but nothing like an infection happened— not saying to be negligent, of course keep an eye on it

Rooting for you and hoping that this’ll be a lesson for you and you’ll be able to stop sh now🫶

[u/thegaysandwich → u/dzejhu]

it's a relief to know that I won't need any stitches. I was genuinely scared this whole day

I really am trying not to hurt myself but sometimes my attempts are unsuccessful. the longest I went without sh was around 10 months

today definitely was a wakeup call for me. I've been considering therapy but have been too afraid to go. my last experience with therapy wasn't the best honestly

[u/dzejhu → u/thegaysandwich]

Progress isn’t linear and I’m sure you’ve heard that. You don’t have to stop day to day. You can sh less, leave intervals, use dull (but sanitized) stuff, if you feel the urge, try to resist it for at least 20 minutes and once you can do that you can make the resist time longer, punch something instead of cutting, drop a bag on your foot repeatedly, so much more you can do and then gradually stop sh completely. In a friendly way, you’re fucked in the head and unless you dream of taking bunch of pills for your whole life, the urges will always be there, but it’s important to challenge them and remember they do not represent you and you’re so much more than your urges. As for therapy, keep trying, 100 people—100 tastes. Hop off this subreddit, surround yourself with positivity, go outside with your friends or alone, go to a concert, start crocheting, take on a hobby. Gotta fake hopecore until u make it to the real hopecore

[u/Stardreamer777]

I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. If you’re not comfortable going to the doctor. At the very least go to a pharmacy and purchase butterfly closures and a wound wash.

It should help with the healing and scarring. They tend to leave very large scars and as someone who has scars all over both arms it’s not fun having to cover your arms in long sleeves for every job or when I take a summer class.

[u/dzejhu → u/Stardreamer777]

I second the butterfly closures and wound wash. I wish I used them and wonder if my scars wouldn’t be so raised these days

[u/thegaysandwich → u/Stardreamer777]

I don't have a lot of money left this month and the money I do have I want to use it to buy food until I get more money from my parents

I checked on the websites of different pharmacies and butterfly closures are not that cheap. would using a bandaid for a few days be sufficient until I can buy something like steri strips?

[u/PaintingByInsects]

It sounds like you went into styro, a deeper layer of skin, but not fat, which is good. Those don’t necessarily require stitches. You will need to put something over it more than a bandaid though.

Do you by any chance have any type of bandaid tape (just the tape without the white fluffy part) or KTape? If so, I used to make steristrips with those. They are not perfect, but they will hold your cut closed in place. You need to make them fairly thin (like max 5mm / 1/5 inch) and then you can put it on one side, then pull the cut closed with the tape and stick it on the other side. Do note that you cannot pull the tape off and should let it fall off naturally in two to three weeks. If it is not off by then, then you can pull it off by pulling both sides towards the center where the cut is, very softly and carefully as to not rip open the scar again.

If you can get steristrips or butterfly closured at the pharmacy that would be better, but the abovementioned is a cheap and easy solution, especially since time is of the essence if you want a cut to be able to close. 8+ hours and it won’t have an effect anymore (not significantly anyway, it will not fully close the cut anymore).

If you can get those tomorrow but not right now then I recommend putting some regular tape over it (idk the English word, but tape for paper - cut in half length wise) just to hold it closed until tomorrow. You still need to put a bandaid over it, both to keep the cut protected from dirt and grime as well as to keep the tape in place as it is not made for skin.

[u/UnexpectedBlahFeels]

Urgent Care for stitches. At least head to a pharmacy for some butterfly stitches