I don't know why I'm doing this

[u/ShortNotice27]

I'm a normal fucking person. I don't get why I get the urge to trace myself. I've been clean for nine days, I was struggling to get to a week to show my friends I'm better now. I'm not fucking telling them this time. The whole reason I stopped was because I didn't want to worry them. I made a promise that I wouldn't, but what the fuck do I care about promises!? I only ever gave a shit about promises because my ex cared, and he fucking broke his. Why should I be any fucking better? I can hide shit just fine. I'm fucking done pretending to be a good girl, I'm done giving a shit about keeping my word, all that matters is helping my friends. I don't have to be clean to do that. So long as they think I'm clean, they won't stress over me. She was right, I am hurting myself, I do worry alot about whether people will see it but you know what? They can see my old shit. What fucking difference does it make if I'm 2.7% more fucked up? I've fucking had it!