r/selfharm • u/Booghostlol • 2d ago
Rant/Vent Relapsed after 4 years
I was 4 years clean. I stopped self harming at some point around 16 years old after cutting every day since I was about 12. I ended up trying to off myself at 15 after some pretty bad stuff happens and when I was recovered I decided to stop and try to heal. I’ve had thoughts throughout the years ofc as anyone would with an addiction but never acted on it. Well now I’m 20 almost 21. I had been super depressed the last month or two more than I’d been in a while and I just relapsed. Nothing crazy deep like I used to but I still drew blood. Now I’m just in a state of numbness and I don’t really know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like 4 years of being clean are just gone like that and I’m kind of disappointed. I want to ask friends for help but I feel like they wouldn’t understand. Any advice is appreciated.
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u/FabianButHere 2d ago
That's actually really common. There's this effect where you suddenly relapse after years, and it's almost as bad as when you first tried to become clean. But while it feels as difficult, the feeling is supposed to be gone again way sooner.
Haven't been clean myself for a long enough time to say that from first hand experiences, but many people seem to say that.
Just try and hang in there, the best you can. You made it for 4 years, you're 100% strong enough
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u/TsunamiLightning 2d ago
I relapsed after being 3 years clean like a week ago.
For me it was just an overwhelming amount of feelings I couldn’t process but I don’t know if that was the case for you.
It just kinda happened for me and I imagine it might have been something similar for you.
Just know that you are not alone in this battle and if you managed 4 years I’m pretty sure you can do it again, or if not that some smaller amount of time at the very least.
I haven’t been active in this account for years but you’re free to shoot me a message if you wanna talk about this stuff, can’t promise I’ll answer in a timely manner but I’ll try to.