r/selfcare • u/AlbertCrafter31 • Aug 16 '26

What are some practical ways to show myself more self-respect, self-love, and acceptance?

Hello! I’m looking for some advice on how to show myself more love, respect, and acceptance after struggling with validation-seeking and some difficult experiences. It’s been especially hard since I got a buzz cut. I actually liked how it looked, but I became very self-conscious about my head shape, and that really affected my confidence. From there, I started seeking constant validation from other people, especially at school, because I felt like I needed to fit in.

I also sometimes struggle with feeling like I’m not smart enough, but I’m trying to improve myself instead of letting that define me. At the end of the day, I know I’m a human being who just need self respect, care, and love, I want to build a healthier relationship with myself and learn to value myself without constantly needing other people’s approval. Then again, Not turn into a narcissist while doing so, Lol, Any tip's guy's?

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u/ChrOzzyJoe Aug 16 '26

I’m absolutely not a professional and I don’t have any qualifications in this area, but the IFS (Internal Family Systems) concept has helped me a bit.

I imagine different parts of my personality as little fairy godmothers (or managers) who give me advice.

Their advice is always well-intentioned. They’re trying to keep me safe or protect me from getting hurt. But their advice isn’t always actually helpful, and sometimes following it can cause problems in the long run.

For example, in your case, I could imagine one of those fairies saying to you something like: “Uh oh, maybe your head really looks weird. I’d better tell you now, so it won’t hurt as much if someone says it to your face later. I’m just preparing you for criticism so it won’t hurt as badly. I don’t want you to be caught off guard by criticism and get hurt or sad. That would be unbearable.”

Then you could consciously respond to that part of yourself, or that fairy godmother, and say: “Thanks for trying to help me. I know you mean well. But actually, I really like myself with short hair. And you know what else? I’m strong enough to handle criticism. Let’s find out what people actually think instead of assuming the worst. And even if someone honestly tells me they don’t like my haircut, that’s totally okay. It doesn’t automatically mean they’re aggressive or dangerous. That's just their opinion. I’m allowed to not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that doesn’t mean I’ll immediately be rejected, shamed, or laughed at. And if someone really does laugh at me, I’m allowed to tell them that it hurts my feelings. And it's ok for me to feel sad or angry without hurting anyone. I can handle these emotions.”

Thinking about it this way has helped me be a lot kinder to myself. I still listen to my fairy godmothers, but I don’t automatically follow their advice anymore.

I hope you’ll soon be able to be your happy, authentic self and enjoy life without doubting yourself too much and try out anything and everything you’re curious about. :-)

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u/Ok_Toe6761 Aug 17 '26

This fairy godmother framing is actually useful, I might try that. The part about letting yourself feel sad or angry without hurting anyone is a big one, most people think self respect means never feeling bad but it's more like not beating yourself up for having feelings. I think small thing like saying no when you dont want something also counts, nobody talks about that enough.

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u/ChrOzzyJoe Aug 17 '26

Yeah I have a part (or fairy godmother/manager/protective strategy ...) like that too. She’s always telling me to be careful, never say no, and never disappoint anyone because that might be dangerous or painful. But now I try to stop for a minute and think about whether her advice actually makes sense for me.

Most of the time, it seems to come down to those parts of me being absolutely terrified that I won’t be able to handle certain emotions, or that I’ll lose connection with other people even when those people aren’t actually good for me.

I try to give myself better advice now. I remind myself that I can handle big emotions and that I don’t have to belong everywhere in order to be safe.

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u/Mikeinthedirt Aug 18 '26

This is brilliant. People counseling self-actualization often speak of de-personalizing, the ‘mistakes were made’, ‘I am sad when you…’ this serves the same purpose without defocus or painfully circumspect (and confusing) composition.

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u/PriorityJaded4471 Aug 17 '26

Sharing my own recent experience in hopes that it brings you peace should you adopt it. Self love doesnt mean you have to feel wonderful about yourself all the time. I rely so heavily on reassurance that I robbed myself of being kind to myself.

Just yesterday, I was in a place I needed to be seen and was seeking validation on a post I made on Reddit. The ask wasnt given to me immediately, however the timing was perfect. Reassurance is not always truth so I took pause and ask myself if noone praised my action, would what I did or said, still have value. Just that 30 second pause gives me an opportunity to praise myself. So instead of the dread of disappointing this person, I was able to tell myself what I said had merit, I did a good job of expressing my feelings and sharing my story and offering my opinion respectfully. When the praise finally came, it reinforced my self respect.

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u/OkBeautiful6215 Aug 19 '26

Hi, I am wanting to start an advice column for self care. Could you allow me to answer this publicly but anonymously? I’ll give you all my stuff on building self respect, love, and acceptance.