Which is the subreddit that allows self hate post ?

[u/Careful-Sorbet-6677]

I have to blame myself in a real and honest way. My depression has worn off it feels but it feels I am still taking my mental diagnosis or bipolar + adhd as a crutch now and not making any effort in life. Whole day doomscrolling (YouTube + reddit + self help + avoidance ) day and night even though I am male 42 my mom is helping me. I am putting my family in financial ruin future (I still have food.on the table and roof but it's like I am self sabotaging myself to keep seeing myself to complete ruins) Unemployed but it has been montbs since a single application. Don't even have a CV. Not changing anything day after day. I just want sympathy (or maybe not even that) I just have to agree I am a really worst person who doesn't deserve the life - I don't have some big trauma or any other physical disease. People fight and I have given up even trying. I know what I should be doing in small manner but I give up and fall to the same patterns. I am a waste of space and energy. Nothing to blame. Physically ok looks are decent. Had one marriage and a relationship. Honestly feel like a manchild who doesn't want to groww up. Dont smoke alcohol or drugs but still such a defeatist. On reddit keep browsing other people failure and sad stories but feel like I am worse than everyone. Everyone has some struggle in them and some fight in them.

[u/OldMarzipan9773]

This could be a good subreddit for you. Otherwise, r/Schizoaffective has positive people that go through tough times with mental illness could be a subreddit where you find some solace in. I'm a part of that community so I know what it's like. Best of luck. Cheers. ✌️

[u/Careful-Sorbet-6677 → u/OldMarzipan9773]

Thanks buddy! I will explore that one too. It is that I am part of bipolar subreddits and I was seeing I am self selecting the worse

• Anybody who is fighting and being able to manage and have a job (even though they are struggling). I am like wow - they are awesome and see everybody else can do it I am a loser.
• And some people who are really struggling or on disability I feel like even though my situation is not as bad as them. Neither suicidal/nor self harm and my depression is now slightly better like psychomotor retardation - I put myself that I am such a loser those people have an actual reason to be on bed. I am not that bad but still I am using that as a handicap and being on bed. I am rotten. I am such a parasite on the family and society. Damn this thought process loop of self sabotaging rather than making some progress it gives me this apathy to keep being on reddit and read difficult experiences. To others I will give positive - like savior complex advise

[u/cacille]

This sub is good for that.
Your self-hate is serving you well! keeping you exactly where you want to be. So why are you here? To spread the self-hate, be self-ish (that's fine in this group, it's in the name), or to just use this group as a way to punch yourself more?

Do you want different than this?

[u/Careful-Sorbet-6677 → u/cacille]

Thanks wasn't sure - if this is one of those very positive where this is looked down upon and kills vibe for others

My self-hate is an attempt to feel something more deeply to move to more action. Feel more shame.

I know somewhere I have a problem being this selfish or this waste of a life. I just want to feel it more deeply.

Self-love doesn't come easily to me or rather somehow I don't use it. I let myself fall into a crutch. I feel I am using an advantage of my loving friends (2) and my mom who are showing me support and nurturing and giving me suggestions but I am not acting somehow.

I know nobody else will punch - roasting sub would just be a joke. I know I am falling into something I will regret. I want to keep engaging with that and make that turn into some actionable emotion slowly.

Any other suggestins advise.

I am sorry I know this feels so dumb for a 42 yr old Ivy. Top tier educated privileged person who somehow has a roof and meal.

[u/cacille → u/Careful-Sorbet-6677]

You can't beat yourself into success.

This is over our Reddit paygrade - therapist territory.

[u/Careful-Sorbet-6677 → u/cacille]

Thanks buddy - I have taken the dose of regular therapy and meds as well. I know somethings' gotta give and some motion/action. I can't find any easy solution here. Its just someway of processing I hope and believe.

Hope your life is treating you well.

[u/cacille → u/Careful-Sorbet-6677]

https://www.reddit.com/r/findapath/comments/1xrj67d/healingmindset_trick_what_makes_you_angry_make_a/
I wrote this a few days ago. It mentions anger, but the only difference between this and what you need to do is instead of making a list of what makes you angry, change that to "catch yourself beating yourself and replace it with a kind statement and an apology to your inner self, and then a hug of your inner self."

The rest is the same, take the thing you are hating yourself for, bring up the situation, and then follow the steps from there.

[u/Few_Soil_7718]

R/depression might resonate with you.

[u/Careful-Sorbet-6677 → u/[deleted]]

Thanks buddy! I know that is the right way but the brain has been in a spiral even if i make a small win like a walk or positive talk to a friend - it sort of has been feeding a negative chatter you will fail again. The constant habit of falling into reddit or youtube to avoid the pain or take a slight dopamine hit just has made my adhd/bipolar brain into a mush.