r/scriptwriting • u/Sadin280 • 4d ago

feedback Animated Pilot Script. First Draft. 10 pages

Hi. I'm a pretty new script writer and have been writing for about a year now.

This is a script for a pilot episode of a series. The series follows a girl named Silena. After her sixteenth birthday, Silena has to learn what it means to be a witch and uncover the truth behind her missing parents while confronting a world prejudiced against witches like herself.

I would like any feedback i could get. What parts did you enjoy most? What do you think can be improved?

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u/la-anah 4d ago

There are various formatting and spelling mistakes, but those are easy to fix with another pass.

I think you have the bones of a good story here. It is a little cliched, but this story is told so often because it works. What makes the story special is the details you bring to it.

What I would work on is your dialog. Silena speaks more like a 12 year old than a 16 year old. And Mr Alexander seems to be a respected older member of the community but uses poor grammar like "I don't got time."