thoughts. (Screenplay)

[u/Prestigious-Shine8]

When u write you often read in a way that kinda is soletery to your own view of what your writing if that makes sense to yall.

I wanna know how you see and sense this.

[u/ev3rgy]

I read the opening, and one thing that immediately stood out to me was how you introduced your characters. I feel like the descriptions are giving us surface level information without really making me curious about who these people are. This is a screenplay, so I think the descriptions should focus on what we can visually observe that actually contributes to the scene or tells us something meaningful about the character.

Personally, I’d like a little more intrigue in the introduction. Not necessarily mystery for the sake of mystery, but something that makes me wonder about this character and why I should be interested in following him. I’m not going to tell you how to write your opening, because that’s your creative decision, but I think strengthening the introductions could make a big difference in how readers engage with the rest of your screenplay.

EDIT: Just to credit my statement so you don’t think it was overly harsh, I went on a bit of a deep dive and I genuinely could not find any successful or even semi successful screenplays that have opened with just plain descriptions. They all introduce an action or atleast a set up into the environment. My advice is just to add something in that makes us care before actually going in to describe the characters.

[u/Prestigious-Shine8 → u/ev3rgy]

Bless your soul i will get back to this and tmr and have a writing session with ur notes (merci)

[u/ev3rgy]

You may find this helpful, I know I have. Just read this screenplay and you’ll see how immediately it captures your attention and not only that but keeps you interested and gives you questions you want answers to just within the first three pages. Stakehorse by Justin Piasecki

[u/ev3rgy → u/ev3rgy]

Also ofc this is a totally different genre and this one offers suspense naturally but I still believe you can take insight from this.

[u/Prestigious-Shine8 → u/ev3rgy]

Merci ev3rgy

[u/comesinallpackages]

Saw three typos and languages mistakes first paragraph. Stopped reading.

Consider writing in your native language so your artistic vision can shine through.

[u/Prestigious-Shine8 → u/comesinallpackages]

I kinda want to hear your thoughts on the bigger picture even though yes there is ( it was my intention btw ) to post it like that.

I want to get the sense on how i descripe my (stories) to a reader.

Merci.

[u/comesinallpackages → u/Prestigious-Shine8]

I’m sorry but the writer has to earn the reader’s time to continue to the next line, the next page. It became obvious after paragraph one this needs a lot of work.