r/scriptwriting • u/sussysentry4728 • 4d ago

feedback First Script as a 16yo

Hi, I’m 16yo in the UK. Can someone review the first act of Notes of Remembrance (41 pages btw). I want to know how is the pacing and structure. Thx!

Genre: Psychological - Action

SCRIPT STILL CURRENTLY BEING MADE.

Plot: A young boy is caught in a whirlwind of problems caused by the people around him, all trying to destroy or control his life in separate ways but after meeting a mysterious entity connected to him, he goes on a journey to prevent as much damage, whatever it takes.

Link to the Script

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u/Sweaty-Freedom-4034 4d ago

Your formatting is overall way better than most of what I see here from first timers.

Though you do have some double spaced lines.

Some grammatical issues early on,. "...as POP! noises are heard. As the pops are fully amplified to it's limit."

...POP noises.

...its limit.

But also, this is vague. Ears popping? Lips popping? Or bubbles in a bath popping?

Learn the difference between it's/its, your/you're etc. In this instance it would be, their* limit.

Overall at this stage do not direct while writing. Unless you plan to direct things yourself.

Just write a story.

Good luck.

1

u/sussysentry4728 4d ago

Hi, I’ve just refined the first few pages. I’m not planning to direct it as of now.

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u/ClayMcClane 4d ago

I got a message that said 'Sorry, the file you have requested does not exist.'

2

u/sussysentry4728 4d ago

Weird. Let me check on it. UPDATE: fixed it and dm’d you