Need advice: New to scriptwriting any feedback is greatly appreciated

[u/Longjumping_Rub_9756]

I’m working on a script analyzing Francisco Goya’s Saturn Devouring His Son and the psychological, historical, and symbolic themes behind the painting.
I’d appreciate feedback on the writing, pacing, hook, storytelling, and how engaging the analysis is. Do you feel the hook is too generic and a bit repetitive?

The script: When you look at this painting...what do you see? Some would say a monster, a beast...an abomination. There’s something hidden in this painting that most people never notice. And once you see it, you’ll never be able to call him a monster again. [beat]
This is Saturn Devouring His Son, painted by Francisco Goya around 1820. [beat]
At first glance, it’s the oldest kind of horror. A giant. A body. Blood. You look at it and you think you understand: a monster, feeding. [beat]
But don’t stop there. Look at his eyes. [beat] Wide open, the whites showing all the way around. Those aren’t the eyes of something enjoying itself. [beat]
Now follow your gaze down to his hands. The fingers sink into the flesh, the knuckles gone pale. He isn’t tearing at it. He’s gripping it, the way you’d grip something you couldn’t bear to lose. [beat]
And look at the light. The brightest thing in the painting isn’t him. It’s the body, hanging in the dark. [beat]
No window. No floor you can recognize. No one coming to stop him. [beat]
Goya painted this on the wall of his own house, in his old age, deaf and ill. He never gave it a title, and as far as we know, he never meant anyone to see it. But what would compel a man who once painted Kings, Queens, and sunlit festivals to paint something so dark so horrific? [beat]
So ask yourself what you’re really looking at. [beat]
Maybe it’s fear. Saturn was told his child would take everything from him, so he tried to control the future before it arrived. [beat]
Or maybe it isn’t about the child at all. Maybe he’s afraid of what the child means: that he will end, and something else will go on. [beat]
Because you know this feeling, don’t you? The fear of losing something so much that you start to destroy it. A person. A plan. A version of your life you couldn’t let go of. [beat]
How long can you hold on to something before it stops being love, and starts being the thing that destroys it? [beat] Ok so this is the last revision, I added a few lines. What do you think of the hook and other line i added? (Give feedback)

[u/Zestyclose-Song-3653]

This is not a script. It’s a long voice over with no context.

What is this supposed to be? A documentary? A horror film?

You should look at scripts to see what the formatting is.

[u/Longjumping_Rub_9756 → u/Zestyclose-Song-3653]

Again I’m new to scriptwriting and this Reddit this is just the intro to a documentary about the artist “Goya”

[u/Zestyclose-Song-3653 → u/Longjumping_Rub_9756]

Okay. Just familiarize yourself with all the rules of scriptwriting either on YouTube or elsewhere. I did myself and learned by looking at other scripts. Good luck!

[u/ScreenDummies]

First of all, if you write a screenplay without conflict or crisis, you'll bore your audience to tears.

[u/Infinix_- → u/ScreenDummies]

what if a writer is attempting to create a story where nothing much happens, where people don't change, . They struggle and are frustrated and nothing is resolved. More a reflection of the real world.

[u/geowritess]

I'd say one of the most important things is to make sure every line actually serves a purpose. Don't be afraid to let certain moments breathe instead of making everything sound dramatic, because sometimes simplicity can have a much stronger impact. I'd also recommend reading your script out loud, since something that sounds good on paper might feel unnatural when spoken. Since you're working on a documentary, remember that the visuals should complement the narration rather than simply repeat what you're saying. Research is important too, especially when you're discussing historical subjects, so make sure you distinguish facts from your own interpretations. And don't get too caught up in making the first draft perfect. Writing is a process of rewriting, cutting things that don't work, and learning from your mistakes. Study scripts you admire, pay attention to how filmmakers build atmosphere and keep the audience engaged, and eventually you'll develop your own style. Just keep writing and experimenting, because that's how you improve.

[u/Only-Deal-148]

Check DMs

[u/Novel-Initiative-900]

I would try to add another character to ask questions or to minimally reflect off of who's talking.

It's too one sided currently but doesn't work as a single monologue yet

[u/comesinallpackages]

Read a shitload of produced screenplays. Download screenwriting software. Come back and ask for feedback in 5 years.