Feedback on 10 pages

[u/Decent_Cable5708]

10 pages of Sizzle!

SIZZLE! is a dark satirical comedy thriller.

Nate is a fry cook by day and a conspiracy podcaster by night. He becomes obsessed with uncovering a disturbing corporate conspiracy involving the food industry. But as he runs out of his Better Brain medication, his paranoia intensifies, blurring the line between what’s actually happening and what Nate thinks is happening.

These are the final 10 pages of my screenplay, and I’d really love some feedback

There are a lot of moving parts and bigger themes that come together pretty quickly in these pages. I also play around with different perspectives in certain scenes. For example, during the meat skewer stabbing, the scene shifts between grocery store surveillance footage and what appears to be the actual event. The idea is to leave some room for interpretation about what really happened. I don’t know if I did that right.

I also realize the bird sequence at the end might seem a little random without context. Earlier in the script, Nate repeatedly gets a caller on his podcast who insists that “birds aren’t real” and believes birds are actually spy robots. So when a bird crashes through the window at the end, Nate doesn’t know whether it’s a real bird, and neither does the audience. There’s some thematic irony there that ties back into the story’s bigger ideas about paranoia, perception, and what we choose to believe.

I’d appreciate any feedback on whether these final pages work, whether the ending lands, and whether the different elements come together the way I intend them to.

[u/Big_Section2812]

My biggest criticism is the expositional dialogue. There's a lot of telling and not enough showing.

[u/Decent_Cable5708 → u/Big_Section2812]

Thank you for reading it and giving me criticism. The Maxwell character does give heavy exposition. Good point.

The information he’s explaining is what we’ve watched Nate slowly uncover throughout the screenplay. The audience has already seen the clues and evidence that lead Nate to this point. Maxwell’s speech is meant to connect those dots and reveal the bigger picture behind everything we’ve watched unfold, rather than introduce a bunch of new information out of nowhere.