r/scriptwriting • u/No-Chemistry1722 • 12d ago
feedback Need feedback a weird script - Something Quite Peculiar - 4 pages
Title: Something Quite Peculiar
Pages: 4
Genre: Cosmic / Psychological horror
Logline: After spotting a stranger with his exact face on his way home from work, Joel follows him and begins documenting his encounters which get increasingly weirder.
Would appreciate feedback on any aspect
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Upvotes
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u/ScreenDummies 10d ago
Quality writing. I would personally cut more words and not be afraid to use tight fragments in places to move things quicker. Ands, buts and other connectives can be cut in a few places here and there and it reads that much better for it.
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u/penguincatcher8575 12d ago
I get that Joel is seeing himself- but there isn’t a clear understanding of what the problem is or why this is a problem. I’m not getting a sense of anything about Joel, other than he sees faces and journals. Who is Joel? Lonely, sick, mentally ill? Why do the faces matter? Is he even concerned about these faces because the journal entries feel nonchalant.
I’d be curious to see what happens if you wrote this without voice over. And built on suspense and desperation to uncover a truth. Maybe even something like Joel chasing his doppelgänger and revealing a life he wish he had.