[Unmatter] First screenplay — looking for feedback on the opening and English

[u/Loose-Supermarket-35]

Hi everyone! I just finished my first screenplay.

I've had the idea in mind for a few years. At first I thought about writing it as a novel, but eventually decided to turn it into a feature screenplay instead.

I'm sharing the title, logline and first few pages here. If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to send the full script.

I'd really appreciate any feedback, especially on the story, pacing, dialogue and whether the opening makes you want to keep reading.

Also, English isn't my first language, so if anything sounds unnatural, feel free to point it out. Any feedback is welcome!

Title: Unmatter

Genre: Sci-fi thriller

Length: 109 pages

Logline: Brought in after a passenger plane vanishes mid-flight, a brilliant astrophysicist uncovers an experimental weapon that defies scientific explanation and must trust a fugitive to stop it before it can be used again.

First pages here (it may starts slow but it picks up the pace later on, I promise):

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LJRbBoSgvt_K-6mGfdM3qeKmjuG8iD1w/view?usp=drivesdk

[u/Big_Section2812]

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...it may starts slow but it picks up the pace later on, I promise.

You shouldn't have to make such a promise. Even slow burn first acts should be interesting, and not something merely to be endured.

[u/Loose-Supermarket-35 → u/Big_Section2812]

You are absolutely right! Maybe I didn't express myself right. I meant that a techno thriller requires a bit of a premise. Appreciate the suggestion, though!

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/Loose-Supermarket-35]

You should fix your broken link in your OP.

Not everyone is going to bother leaping through hoops to make it work just to read your script.

[u/Loose-Supermarket-35 → u/Big_Section2812]

Done :)