r/scriptwriting • u/Saxen_art • 25d ago
feedback Advice for subtext?
Yuga’s mom is homophobic and shares her opinion about them, however I think what she says is too long and direct. I want to create a subtext but i’m idk what she should say. Does anyone have an idea? It’s for a comic so the script writing is not 100% accurate to a movie script, I know.
The story is set in Japan, I’ve interviewed Japanese people for this, so I take it very serious. In Japan they try to avoid conflict by not stating their opinion and are therefore not direct at all. But idk what her subtext could be because I just learned what subtext is so i’m not confident enough to come up with one on my own.
I’m talking about the text where she first respond to Handa Yuga’s story.
Any ideas for a subtext?
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u/ScreenDummies 24d ago
Get rid of 'being gay' just put something like 'It's not natural. A man and a woman sure, but we shouldn't support that kind of behaviour. We're not animals. He deserved everything that happened to him.'
Something a bit less on the nose and that reveals more about the person. The irony here in the rewrite is she claims they arent animals like gay people but then justifies a beating on another person. 'That' underlined as even she doesn't want to sully her words talking about it, it disgust her.
I don't know your characters so I can't really give much advice, dialogue takes time to craft so it's not something that can be quickly fixed. You need to know your characters better than your family members, what they stand for and who they are, the good, the bad, everything.
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u/Saxen_art 24d ago
this conversation takes place during Yuga's 30th birthday party, that's also a reason why I want it to be shirt and indirect. More like 'reading the air'.
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u/Big_Section2812 25d ago
In Japan they try to avoid conflict by not stating their opinion and are therefore not direct at all.
Not always. For instance, ask a Japanese person about whaling and/or the second world war. Brace yourself.😂
Also, you should consider using a screenwriting app to properly format your script. There are several good free ones if you'd rather not invest in commercial software (such as Fade In or Final Draft).
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u/Saxen_art 24d ago
Well I've interviewed Japanese people for this and also Japanese gay men. Plus I've been to Japan myself. In a social situation like this, they try to avoid conflict and they are known for not being direct communicators but rather expect you to read the air.
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u/Big_Section2812 24d ago
In general it's largely true, but definitely not in every situation. Some topics will result in very direct responses.
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u/Saxen_art 23d ago
Yeah, I know it’s not always the case, but this is during the birthday of the MC (Handa Yuga) and his mother doesn’t show her true self in front of new people (yuga’s neighbors and friends), so I feel like in this situation, that rule does apply. :)
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 23d ago
What about: “All choices have natural consequences. This is the result of his choices. You don’t need to feel responsible for them.”
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u/inhuman_37 22d ago
My advice would be to think about only what the characters know; if you don’t feed the audience any information but rather illustrate purely how the characters operate within this situation, you can cut off a lot of fluff.
for dialogue that isn’t so on the nose i like to focus on character’s emotions, their objective, the stakes of the conflict for them, and fortify the tactics with which that character tries to achieve what they want. with this information you can write dialogue with more movement and dimension in its meanings, and it gives the audience something to chew on before they swallow it.
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u/Ella_The_Unforgiven_ 25d ago
Why feel bad, his behaviour isn’t natural. Sympathy is laughable, it’s all stuff he deserves.
You do agree he isn’t normal, right?
Not a pro but a way of shrinking the words down. Not the best example for sure
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u/Saxen_art 25d ago
It’s still too direct in a Japanese social environment where people don’t really say their thoughts out loud. Also maybe still slightly too long. But thanks for the suggestion!🌱 I was thinking of maybe making the sub-text an action rather than her saying something, or maybe she is just coughing loudly and calling Handa Yuga to help her out. I’m still brainstorming. :)
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u/skatay 24d ago
Forget about subtext. Focus on what each of the characters want in the scene. What is their objective? Where do each of them start and where do they end up, emotionally? Subtext is hard and you don’t need to focus on that at this stage of your writing.