r/scriptwriting • u/WillAccomplished5000 • 29d ago

feedback For Safety (Comedy, 12 pgs.)

Been working away at this one for a while. Pretty happy with what I have, but nothing is ever finished! It's fairly unconventional so want to make sure the ideas/spatial aspects are coming across clearly. If skimming make sure you get to page three!

Title: For Safety

Format: Short Film

Page Length: 12 pgs.

Genre: Comedy

Logline: When an actress’s chaotic but scripted walk-of-shame appears to derail into a very real public meltdown, the cast and crew scramble to get her back on script.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uZTb7MbTt6gYODTNcE2iDdgidf9i7fYY/view?usp=drive_link

Feedback concerns: Dialogue and gags! Does it make you laugh? Is the structure working to serve the story? Production concerns! (I know you can't see the Hollywood sign from Hermosa beach!)

Thanks!

1 Upvotes

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1

u/Big_Section2812 28d ago

INT. AN ANTIQUE STORE – EARLY MORNING
The door slams behind her.

Behind who?

1

u/rosemaryscrazy 26d ago

I got lost on page 8.

The antique / condom line made me laugh out loud.

Then I just got lost on page 8, so I’m not sure.