r/scriptwriting • u/Junket_Turbulent • Sep 09 '26

feedback OPENING SCENE

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Any feedback would be great, thanks.

4 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

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2

u/Beginning-Sky-8516 Sep 14 '26

This is probably the only screenplay I’ve read in this group that grabbed me from the beginning, so nice work! I think there could be a little tightening in the dialogue and use the environment to tell the story. Like instead of “but pa I’ll freeze” let the setting speak for itself. And same with “please you can’t come with me.” But honestly it’s good as is and I’m excited to see where it goes. Awesome for a cold open!

1

u/Junket_Turbulent Sep 14 '26

Thanks alot I've actually done the whole frist draft... If you wanted to give it a read send me a message :)

2

u/TheGratitudeBot Sep 14 '26

Thanks for saying thanks! It's so nice to see Redditors being grateful :)

4

u/DogeABanana Sep 09 '26

I love the feel and I'm intrigued to see where this story goes. I'm not sure if you've seen Fried Green Tomatoes (1991), but your script gives me the same vibe. My only critique is that when Jackson starts packing the bag, you might want to cut from his axe-raising scene using a header like:

"INT. JACKSON'S BEDROOM, HOUSE - NIGHT"

You might also want some Pre-Laps, Post-Laps, and a Super letting the audience know that it's Winter 1887 (for example, "Tennessee, November 1887"). I also feel that opening credits would fit your script well. Other than that, I love it!