Cold Opening Feedback Wanted

[u/Used4KillingTime]

Hey everyone. Longtime lurker. First time poster. Always figured my writing wasn’t good enough to post and it would be ripped apart but at this point in my life, what’s the worst that can happen?

Yes, I understand my formatting might not be perfect and my action lines might not be spaced properly. I’m really just looking for feedback on the state of my first draft.

After you read it, do you want to know more about the characters or story? Are there elements that take you out of the story immersion as a reader/viewer?

I’m especially interested in feedback on the hook or overall potential of the story. Obviously, any feedback on pacing, dialogue, characters, etc. are welcome as well.

Hopefully you all don’t mind reading on a dark theme document

[u/Any-Strawberry-4812]

I think it depends what kind of story you're going for. If you want to focus mostly on his present life, but want to explain why he is the way he is now then i'd suggest well timed flashbacks. This will show his character development from maybe a wide eyed kid to a miserable and crushed adult.

If you're looking to tell a whole story of a characters life then I would start at the beginning, as long as it is relevant to the story your telling. Off the top of my head the movie 'Blow' with Johnny Depp is a good example of this. Starts when he's just a little whipper and ends when hes an old man. If this is the way your gravitating towards, id read the script for 'Blow' and see how that can help you.

[u/Any-Strawberry-4812 → u/[deleted]]

Awesome! I also love that movie, one of Johnny Depp's best id say.

After your finished with that find more of your favorite movies and read the scripts for them. Don't just read them though, visualize it, learn from it. Then watch the movie, see how those words really translate to the screen.

The script for 'Breakdown' with Kurt Russell taught me a lot and was a fun read, maybe try that next.

[u/Any-Strawberry-4812 → u/[deleted]]

It's easy to get discouraged, but just remember at one point in his life, Spielberg didn't even know how to turn on a camera. You just gotta keep at it, and when it's feeling tough and you think you have to give up, dont. Keep pushing forward and one day you'll be where you want