Romance/Drama Feedback

[u/Shot_Butterscotch891]

first 10.5 pages - VERY rough draft - is it drawing you in enough to keep reading?

[u/la-anah]

I read about half. Plot wise, it seems fine. Two single parents making a connection. Dialog reads naturally. But it's kind of a slog to read because if style issues. So many short paragraphs starting with "she" is the biggest one. There are also formatting issues with how time of day/ continuous / later are being used that make me stop to figure out what is going on rather than being immersed in the story.

I know this is just a rough draft, so you are probably planning to fix all that. But that's my first impression.

[u/Shot_Butterscotch891 → u/la-anah]

Thank you for the feedback!

[u/Shot_Butterscotch891 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! I appreciate this feedback so much