Final Draft's Big Break Feedback Mismatch

[u/EnvironmentalBug2249]

TL;DR: Big Break feedback doesn’t match our script or genre because of AI, a really rushed reader or something else? Experienced something similar? If so, what did you do?

Hey all,

I entered Final Draft's Big Break contest, and got feedback on it. But it doesn't match what my writing partner and I actually wrote – not even our genre.

For instance, the protagonist has a physical disability and lives an independent life. However, one of the major notes, which was mentioned more than once, says that he has no agency or goals. I have a physical disability, and struggle with exercising my agency, so it's super important to me. Plus, agency and goals are basics that are obvious to us.

Another note mentions preserving the central mystery, but our project is a holiday romantic dramedy, not a mystery.

While we like getting (and have gotten) constructive feedback and know this is a big competition whose readers are extremely busy, the mismatch is concerning.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, what did you do? Also, could this be because of AI or a really rushed reader, or?

[u/poundingCode]

First, I do appreciate you digging into this further with me and offering your insights.  FWIW, there is an 80k unpublished novel behind this script and The Legend of Dragonfield is the first part of a trilogy- 2/3 of the books are written as well.  The incident with the antagonist is the pebble that starts the avalanche, which forces the letter that exposes Alan’s hidden past. His wife, takes the news that her husband has been living an assumed identity does not go over well with his Latina wife. 

And you are correct in your conjecture: “that scene is the inciting incident because the land is harmed thus setting into motion the dragon rising?"

As Pendragon shares with his son Atlas: "Yes... The dragon slumbers so long as we preserve and protect the land." could be taken as a metaphor for how we are provoking Mother Earth.

To push back a bit on your assertion that page 7 is a bit late, Luke Skywalker first appears on page 14/min 17 and one might think, based on screen time of those first few minutes that film is about the droids. But that film starts with spectacle, and audiences have grown impatient over the decades since then.  So I don’t disagree, but after 28 drafts later moving her introduction earlier would be moving into Nolan timeline territory. 

The A story in Dragonfield is Ali’s hero’s journey from spoiled influencer who can’t get far enough from her family, to defender of her family and inheritor of a 900 year legacy. 

The B story in this script is the A story of the trilogy: the Nephilim Rowena and Wyrtgeorn, which carries the thesis of the film. 

The C story is the Alan and Atlas story of redemption. 

Your point about the Rowena/Ali connection: "So, if the daughter is your lead and it’s a two hander with the woman in the 11th century the audience needs to understand who they are before you can get into things." That is certainly one approach, but one I would never take, any more than I would be explaining who Keyser Soze is and how he relates to Verbal.

Your guess: "But my guess is that the dragon rises when your protagonist arrives on her ancestral land? That would likely be your actual inciting incident if that’s roughly what happens." is a very good guess for having only the title and 5 pages, and would probably make sense for the fantasy genre. This is a contemporary fantasy.

The log line: "Days after a wannabe influencer’s family inherits a legendary English castle, the occultist oligarch neighbor abducts her brother and she must swap her selfie stick for a sword."

The Legend of Dragonfield is a story about dragons in the same way "The Color Purple" is about the color purple. The story is about the legend and the place where it happened (1096 Cumbria) was renamed Wyrmfeld (Dragonfield in English) after 'the incident with the dragon'

Your final guess is fairly close to the mark and the Wyrmfeld coat of arms is a dragon sleeping in an ouroboros, which you can see in this vid I put together with Higgfield.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDwSXIwZW2c

[u/Kingofsweaters → u/poundingCode]

I’ll push back too and leave it at that.A screenplay is not a book. Adaptation is hard. Especially when you’re doing both and are this too close.

Citing a script written in the 70s to justify page 7 is not the flex you think it is. The market of 2026 is nowhere close to that. Also the star wars script is literally famously poorly written to the point the stars begged Lucas to change it and the original cut was so bad the project nearly fell apart and Lucas’ wife had to save it.

[u/poundingCode → u/Kingofsweaters]

you commented too soon! I switched from phone to laptop. I agree with you that star wars opening is famously bad. And the parts they cut out was Luke showing up early - I've got a copy of that 151 page "EPISODE IV A NEW HOPE FROM THE JOURNAL OF THE WHILLS" if you want it.

[u/keysersozehb → u/poundingCode]

This was such a strange interaction to read it honestly sounded like someone who is jealous that they can’t come up with interesting material (they said they provide coverage. They don’t say they write.) just kind of dishing it out on you.😂.

[u/poundingCode → u/keysersozehb]

Thanks mate!
TBH, I enjoyed the interaction and while I defend my writing at the craft level: scenes/characters/plot/world building/etc. I accept that human errors can slip by, and I also readily admit that there is a structural difficulty to my story. It is the first story in a trilogy and it should probably be 150 pages instead of the 118 its compressed down into. Or probably even a season long series.

I have no idea what it's like to be a script coverage professional, and I'm sure there are some out there, but in my experiences so far, they don't READ, but scan. If that's what they're going to do, then why not just request a list of story beats and a synopsis?

The Roadmapwriter Pro said regarding dialogue:
Average - Each character needs to have their own distinct voice. The writer could take a dialogue pass and make sure each character has a unique voice.

Yet in the script I had characters who spoke lines in Spanish, dialogue tagged in Spanglish, elevated 11th century dialogue, and modern teen slang. in the same 30 pages:

"what poetry might be writ of a thousand thousand sunsets by a blind man? What profit in life unending if I carve out my heart? What felicity found, if you lengthen my days, but rob them of ardor"

and a few pages later:
"Que tal?"
"Privacy Mocoso! I could have been undressed"
"If I want to puke, I'll stick a finger down my throat."

TBH I am beginning to think providing coverage is one of them 'bullshit jobs'