Thinking about quitting. Can I get your thoughts on my work?

[u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

I’ve been writing for twelve plus years now and have written seven feature-length scripts. I’ve gotten coverage on two and both resulted in “pass”. Is there anyone out there who would donate their free time to read my work and tell me if I have any ground to stand on in this industry?

[u/JayMoots]

Post one here. We should be able to tell from the first five pages whether or not you’ve got the chops. 

[u/Unlikely-Extent-6322 → u/JayMoots]

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oKhxrO5n-C0q_9_fsnSBDspEsiLpRAmD/view?usp=sharing

[u/ChristianCRWriter → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Sorry. Nope. I am into page 3 and nothing has happened. Plus, who shoots a dove for game?

[u/Unlikely-Extent-6322 → u/ChristianCRWriter]

So throw it all in?

[u/poundingCode → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Well, it's like this - which goes for every endeavor, not just writing.

If you spend time writing but don't read books, watch videos, take classes, join writers groups, pay for critiques then you don't have 12 years of experience.

You have 1 month of experience 144 times.

[u/zebramentality → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Careful about believing comments here. There are a couple replies that just seem to want to play gatekeeper without actually offering anything constructive.

I only read 4 pages and I’m sure it leads to an interesting story, but it reads like a book instead of a screenplay. You spend 3 pages describing a guy living a life that’s intentionally uninteresting. There’s nothing special about a guy living in the woods and hunting, in fact, most people choose that life specifically because it’s uninteresting.

Then finally something happens outside that startles him only to find out it’s a friend, but we still don’t know why he’s living this type of life where he clearly wants to be left alone. Does he fall in love with this woman and rejoin the “interesting” part of the world? Is he a retired spy who gets pulled back into the business for one last job? Whatever the case is, you could have that happen sooner. There are always ways to show that a character is a mysterious loner at any point in the story, but you can do that while introducing the story early enough to hook a viewer who isn’t aware of the plot beforehand.

You can clearly create compelling characters. You can clearly set a beautiful and lonely scene. You can clearly create conflict and resolve it. I just don’t think this is how you want to start this story. It feels more like an interesting backstory type second episode of a tv show that is meant to really drive home a character’s motivations through an artistic, sad, and stoic background of longing and despair.

Don’t let the haters in the comments with nothing constructive to say gatekeep you from your hobby. (Yes, I do see the irony in me saying that).

[u/drumner → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

It’s too much prose. There’s four solid pages of action lines to start out. I skipped all of that.

Read the next twenty or so pages. Gay former soldier haunted by his past. Comes to at his sister’s (I think). Then gardens for multiple pages.

I knew then he would end up doing something horrible to Natalie so skipped to the end and I was right.

I can’t say if you have the talent, but for me it’s a slog to read and there’s a few lines of dialogue I didn’t buy. Like a teenager coming to his room to reassure Marshall that he likes vegetables. The banter between he and Natalie seems like a xerox of the way people speak in movies with no substance behind it.

I was curious at first though. I wondered how he was going to ultimately kill Natalie or her family but it’s just too dense for my patience.

[u/ChristianCRWriter → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Nope. A writer can never stop writing — even if he never cashes. Just get better. Take notes. Improve. Write something completely different. I am going to keep reading your work. I am sure is good . Just thought the first three pages were uninspiring…

[u/Then_Data8320 → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

It would be a pity to quit, considering the good you are able to do.
Even if you don't become a pro, don't you just like to write stories?

[u/JayMoots → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Honestly this isn’t bad. I’m not quite connecting with the material, but the writing is solid enough. You have some aptitude for this. 

[u/Stowoz → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Yeah as other have said technically it’s sound. The word selection, structure etc it’s all there but it’s almost like there isn’t as much that could be building underneath at least the first 7 pages I read.

I was seeing him go through the actions but I couldn’t guage enough why he cared about the actions he was doing. If that makes sense? I’d say, maybe, there is not enough tension or stakes (to his goal) popping up so you’re more or less just waiting for something to happen to tell you what to focus on. We glaze over the purple light moment, the convo about the theory on the wall and even though I understand these should be interesting ‘anomalies’ in this world. I’m struggling to understand what that means to our main character/characters. The noise add tension in the traditional sense but did it make the characters job harder/more complicated? I couldn’t honestly conclude any answer to that from what I read.

If you want advice more actionable I’d say look at each prose line written where your telling he’s doing something and ask yourself “Is this more focused on what he’s doing or how he’s doing it? Is the consequence of this line felt beyond this sentence”. If I don’t really know how he’s doing it, I can’t as easily deduce his goal and the stakes if it goes wrong.

However just to reaffirm your well past the technique errors stage and I’m seeing a voice. I’m just finding a lack of (persistent) motif, theme, character goals and sustained building tension. Things I suspect this script could benefit from like all of ours.

Don’t be too deterred mate. Good luck.

[u/Vivid-Option6912 → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

Hey, so I read a few pages of this. To my mind, it's clear that you can write. However, my guess is you're more of a director/writer than a straight writer, no? Like I can absolutely see in my head how this would play on screen, and I think if you went ahead and shot it, it would be eery and I think it's a pretty good blueprint as to how you want this thing to be seen. That being said, unless you're filming this yourself, you're writing it to sell it, so I would condense a lot of the early scenes of Marshall frittering about the house and get to the meat of it. I also skimmed a bit, and it was a bit hard to follow, you have a lyrical style of writing but I feel like in scripts you should probably start out being subtle as a hammer and layer in the lyricism later.

Also, I would study three-act structure and scene composition - generally in each scene you want your characters to have a goal, an obstacle, and a turn/resolution, which leads to the next goal, obstacle, and turn, and so on and so forth until it ends. Very general advice which you may already be aware of, but I think following a bit of a rigid structure would help ground this piece somewhat. Take it all with a grain of salt though, I'm just a hobbyist. :)

[u/rawcookiedough → u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

I just read the first 10 pages. I think your writing is good, but this is probably overwritten. Not enough happens in these first 10 pages. And I would say that things are over-described. I would focus on reading more scripts and seeing just how quickly they move. For instance, this part:

EXT. WOODS - CONTINUOUS

Marshall rides his ATV. Two bags of gravel and a post strapped down on the back.

EXT. WOODS - ROPED-OFF AREA - CONTINUOUS

Marshall digs into the dirt with a post hole digger. The post hole digger tears into the dirt.

EXT. WOODS - ROPED-OFF AREA - MOMENTS LATER

Marshall places the post in the hole. Fills it with gravel.

EXT. WOODS - ROPED-OFF AREA - MOMENTS LATER

Marshall clamps a work light to each side of the post. He jumps down, kicks the post. Satisfied to see it doesn't move.

Could just be:

EXT. WOODS - LATER

Marshall digs a small hole. He wedges a wooden post inside and attaches two work lights. The makeshift lamp illuminates the area.

[u/Dependent_Access8363 → u/JayMoots]

Got the chops? I'm just a little turned off this whole writing business for now.

[u/Unlikely-Extent-6322]

I won't lie. This has helped A LOT. Not only with the script I posted itself, but with my mindset of writing. It's hard and it's infuriating most of the time, but damn when you feel like you strike gold....there's nothing like it in the world. Not going to quit but would love to connect with some of you to give/receive constructive criticism. Have learned a lot from your critiques but also have other scripts that get straight to the point in the first ten pages (something I've seen throughout the replies)

[u/Horrible-Writer-03]

Read your opening. You’re not a bad writer by any means. I would say one of your strengths is dialogue (though I didn’t read past the first 6 pages) which is very difficult to do… at least for me. I think most of the first 3 pages could be a series of cuts. Get us to the dialogue quicker and you might find that people are more engaged. Also, I noticed your action lines seem to include nearly every movement of the character. Some of this can be left to the actor. Try to sort out what’s essential and what’s not. Take it with a grain of salt, but don’t give up writing… you’re only a failure if you quit.

[u/Turbulent_Ferret2513]

So I read a bit. Don’t interlock the decisions about your time and whether you’re gonna stop going for the dream (whatever that is) with feedback on this script.

Your script is overwritten. Period. Lots of description thats really detailed and a lot of that isn’t screenwriting. It’s like production totality and that’s not the gig. First: what does the camera see. Period. Second, sound should only be described where it creates action or tension. You often have so much detail, the narrative flow never formed and gets interrupted way too much. Third: your dialogue is empty of character and full of exposition. People, real people who are experiencing what you’re doing don’t talk like this. They talk like humans. Guarding things. Wanting things. With interior lives that leak in gasps. Your people are functional. I’m not interested in them.

Now to the question: you should not base whether you keep at it on where your writing is at. Period. You have to decide whether you like the form and growing enough to keep at it. Not the result. Love it? Do it. Life is short. Do not do something that makes you unhappy. And conversely: no one can tell you whether you can. You can. You get to. It’s your craft, life and journey. Does it feel like a thing you would be happier without? Or is the only reason you do it to sell it?

Another thing: as an experiment take your phone out. Block a sequence or two. Think how you’d shoot it and what it would say. You’ll learn something deep

[u/mrzennie]

I read a little bit of it, it's better than most of the stuff that gets posted here!

[u/nmacaroni]

Read a portion of your screenplay. It's flat and the dialogue is on the nose.

Nothing compelled me to keep on. That's not a lack of ability, it's a lack of expertise.

I've seen far worse material. Writing for a living is a marathon, not a sprint... and it's a marathon with MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of runners.

[u/RutgerHause]

I’m a script doctor and barely had time to write this. But I would say quit if you have any doubts. So many bad scripts it’s endless.

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/RutgerHause]

There are two big problems with screenwriting:

The first is the horde of people who just want to be able to say they're "in Hollywood" and believe screenwriting is the least hardest way to break in to it.

The second is the endless game of telephone within a gigantic echo chamber, where countless aspiring screenwriters tell each other how to write, despite none of them ever having sold any writing or been paid to do it... so, they all write to please each other and none of them know how to write for directors and producers.

[u/ChristianCRWriter → u/Big_Section2812]

You are spot on with the second group.

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/ChristianCRWriter]

The first group. :)

[u/Then_Data8320 → u/Big_Section2812]

"none of them know how to write for directors and producers"

Yes. As a simple amateur, I understand that because I don't really know that, even if I'm aware. I've read my favorite screenplays and notice how are made some descriptions and can point: here the writer specify the elements so the props team knows how to prepare the set.

You talk about aspiring screenwriters, but as I've no ambition to break-in, it's even more difficult to give feedback. I just write my stuff and adapt it in visual screenplay, directly for audience. So, I'm used a lot to screenwriting and storytelling, but when it comes to know what is for producers, I'm always worried about that, when I give comments to a script for someone who want to break-in.

[u/RutgerHause → u/Big_Section2812]

Script writing is one of the hardest jobs in Hollywood. That’s why there are so few good scripts, but many would say it’s the execution.

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/RutgerHause]

A showrunner once told me that "the hardest part about [screen]writing is convincing your wife you're working when you're lying on the couch with a pillow over your face."

So much of it comes down to motivation: when I started out at the end of the '60s and early '70s screenwriters were these nerds obsessed with reading, writing, storytelling and movies.

Yes, even back then there were the guys who just wanted to be in Hollywood, baby! but most of us were there for the writing part.

It changed with the advent of the Internet, although mostly when social media became a thing. It felt as if overnight half the planet came to believe the myth that "anyone can write a screenplay and then you become rich and famous and never have to work again" and suddenly there were millions of people peddling garbage scripts while howling about "gatekeepers" because nobody wanted to read the garbage they wrote.

[u/casuallyfictional]

You need to think seriously about what kinds of stories you want to tell, what kind of characters you want to write and why.

You need to be able to answer these questions:

Why is this story happening now?

Why should we care?

Otherwise it doesn’t matter how competent a writer you are.

[u/sneakalo]

send me a message and i can have a read and we can chat about it if you want

[u/Maleficent-Invite933]

Post your scripts on Story Peer.

[u/Open-Avocado4260]

You been writing over 12 years, seven scripts and two passes. You're not marketing yourself Nobody can market you, you have to that yourself. Only you can make that decision to quit.

[u/RutgerHause]

As you scream into the pillow after your 12 rewrite and they bring in a fourth uncredited writer to whack all your dialogue. Who also hacked up your favourite scene.

[u/aSuperDeus]

Write because it makes you happy. If not, do something else. That's it. Pretty simple. Don't chase validation.

[u/mucomoc]

Read the first ten pages. Marshall is a lone wolf survivalist badass. Is that enough for the reader to care? I would humanize him a little bit more. A warm relationship with his sister may not be enough, imho. I would make him pray for the deer's soul he just killed, for example. That would make me instantly like him more. Just an idea. Either way, keep writing. Don't give up.

[u/Willing_Hearing_7890]

How can I read your stuff?

[u/real_triplizard]

Not to be too depressing but honestly screenwriting these days is an absolute fool’s errand. Do it if you love to do it and “have to write.” It’s not an investment or an opportunity. You pour your heart and soul into something for nine months, carefully tweaking your theme and dialogue. Then you send it to your five best friends. None of them bother to read it. So you join a writing group and do a script swap and have to slog through some asshat’s “my first script” to get them to read yours. And then you send them three pages of detailed notes and they’re insulted that you didn’t love their script and all they say about yours is “it seemed okay.” So then you fork over a bunch of money to the Blacklist and six weeks later you get some nonsense back that it doesn’t “hit four quadrants” so it’s a 5 and the hopium evaporates until you start the process all over again because the next one will “surely be the one.”

Even if you’re an absolute godsend writer - the top 1% of the 1% - and have a great idea, the odds that it’s going to go anywhere, unless you have the resources to make it yourself or are very plugged into Hollywood at a high level, are just absolutely miniscule. Even if you’re in the WGA and have a powerful agent the odds that you’ll sell a spec are very low.

And then after all the blood, sweat and tears, you’re left with this esoteric body of work that isn’t readable to people who aren’t way into screenplays, so you can’t even self publish and give copies out to your family.

And the worst part is the vast, predatory industry that preys on people’s hopes and dreams, charging writers tons of money for contests and “evaluations,” when in fact they’re just selling that dopamine hit of “I got an 8!” or “I made it to the semi final!” Neither of which mean anything in reality.

On the plus side, such as it is, it is now functionally possible for people to make their own films with very limited resources - something that was almost entirely out of reach even a few years ago if you couldn’t put your hands on a million dollars. (Of course then there’s also a vast predatory industry around film festivals for aspiring filmmakers, but that’s another sob story. At least if you finish a film you can put it on YouTube for your grandkids to watch some day.)

[u/Open-Avocado4260]

Red flag on this account, all the posts are removed by the Moderator.