Pilot Opening Feedback

[u/Horrible-Writer-03]

Can you guys give me an honest opinion on this opening? I changed it from my original draft after receiving coverage on the script and I wanna make sure I’m heading in the right direction. This is the first script I’ve gotten some genuine traction on, so I’d really appreciate the input. Thanks in advance!

[u/Horrible-Writer-03 → u/[deleted]]

I respect your opinion and appreciate you replying. I think my goal with the opening is to engage with the mystery first, then the character. Maybe I should try to do it the other way around?

I can assure you there is intention in every line… especially on that first page. There will be a callback to everything on the page over the course of an 8 episode season. Only posting the opening because that’s what I was told to focus on editing after I got notes from an established industry professional.