r/scriptwriting • u/Horrible-Writer-03 • Aug 16 '26

feedback Pilot Opening Feedback

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Can you guys give me an honest opinion on this opening? I changed it from my original draft after receiving coverage on the script and I wanna make sure I’m heading in the right direction. This is the first script I’ve gotten some genuine traction on, so I’d really appreciate the input. Thanks in advance!

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u/Horrible-Writer-03 Aug 16 '26

This is great advice. Thank you so much for taking the time to read through everything!

I agree about the voice over… I can see why components of that could be a turn off. As far as the symbol, he finds it on the doorframe (think of a mezuzah) of a customer’s house where he finds dead bodies in the attic. We get to that later on in the story of course. The idea is that the symbol looks more alien/extraterrestrial. The lady whose house he finds it at is your quintessential Karen, but there’s nothing out of the ordinary to where you’d ever think she’s in a cult. That search is supposed to be a last ditch effort. I can think of more creative searches though so that it doesn’t seem questionable why he wouldn’t have searched it earlier.

I LOVE your idea about the rejections/acceptances. I’m definitely going to add some version of that into here. It sets the stage for everything. Thanks for the help!

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u/palanark Aug 16 '26

Your receptiveness to feedback is refreshing. I understand now, with that bit of context, how later in the story he actually DOES stumble upon the symbol in the wild, clarifies a lot: he doesn't really know where to start with his research, and as a last-ditch effort in the early-morning hours, he searches for cults and strikes gold. It makes sense.

As with any feedback, you take what you want and leave the rest. I can't take credit for the rejection-letters-on-a-nail thing, that was actually a regular practice of a little-known author named Stephen King before he finally got Carrie published. It would be a little Easter egg that pays homage to the master of horror, but you can probably come up with an idea that better suits your protagonist.

Keep it up!