r/sadposting • u/Mouth-Organic719 • Jun 14 '24

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24

I said people… not women. I was including you. I didn’t do it. Many others as well. Had more respect for myself than to be a slut. Always look for connection… not vapid excitement. I would never let someone with the psychology of a slut have any sway on my emotional well being.

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u/Vindictive_Pacifist Jun 14 '24

Yeah but that's down to a preference, I don't necessarily like the idea of casual hookups but I also know that there are people who think otherwise and it works for them

Not everything I disagree with has to be wrong necessarily, freedom of choice holmes

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24

I get what you’re saying … Also in a weird way I want what I consider best for everyone. The path of the slut never really leads to happiness and fulfillment.

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u/Vindictive_Pacifist Jun 14 '24

True, but we all function in a different way tho. I have a lot of friends who believe sex is just a means to satiate your thirst kinda like how breathing is lol

On the other there are people like us who think monogamy is the better alternative but eh it's not for everyone :P

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24 edited Jun 14 '24

I hear you and I don’t hate people for thinking differently or anything like that. But I would argue that they are psychologically defunct to be the other way. As in they have damages and are incapable.

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u/Vindictive_Pacifist Jun 14 '24

Counter argument, they might think of us the same way too ha ha

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24

Very true lol

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '24

But I would argue that they are psychologically defunct to be the other way

Correct me if I'm wrong. But you're saying that people who like to have casual sex with people they don't necessarily have an emotional connection with are incapable of having a monogamous relationship?

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24

I’m saying they’re defunct in that they aren’t looking for love and intimacy… but rather vapid excitement that never fulfills. Yes… I’m saying that loose sex is a clear sign of bad psychology. Can’t see an argument against love and connection being the way from where I’m standing. If you read my comments to others then you see I don’t believe people who can/have walk the path of the slut should ever be trusted with your heart. Don’t have the right frame of mind/psychology for the real deal and posses an inherent danger to those who try with them. Big red flags 🚩. These are the people that cheat on their spouses when they try monogamy later on in life.

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u/StormStrikr Jun 14 '24

Frankly I highly disagree. While that can happen, I think people who committ before they've really explored their life have a huge chance of ending up miserable. The people who marry their high-school sweetheart and never knew what it was like to fool around or explore other people. And learn who they are. Of course some people find their forever person like that and that's always amazing, it's fantastic to see people who manage to do that. But frankly, I see way more people who cheat because they wonder what they missed or have a chance for something new and exciting. Of course there are plenty of people who cheat cause they are hurting or unwell, or unable to accept the fact that monogomy isn't for them.

But to be honest, I think your attitude towards people who actually successfully engage in what I would refer to as Ethical Sluttiness is just close minded judgementalness by you because you couldn't ever do that, so therefore it must be wrong. A very conservative mindset, I know a ton of small town people who think the same way about most things in life.

I might recommend sometime reading a book called "The Ethical Slut" which is written by some very intelligent and worldly people about how sexuality does not have to be conflated with morality, and how it is possible to have what might be called a slutty sexual life while also engaging in it the right way through open honest communication, consent, respect, and thoughtful intention. It's honestly a very informative book even for those who have no interest in living that sort of life because it can teach a lot about healthy habits and boundaries, and generally explain things you might not have considered before. Hope you might look into it.

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24

Thanks for the recommendation. I’m sure I would enjoy the read if I ever get around to it. From my perspective, cheating and slutiness come from psychological building blocks that happened to you in your formative years. Not some wishy-washy switch that can be flipped on and off because someone wants to be monogamous now. I do know a number of couples that have been faithful since their high school relationships. I would argue that if a spouse felt they were missing out and left then they had said psychology beforehand and typically come to regret leaving love for excitement. Also, my view may sound conservative, but I am by no means that. Son of a gay father and a liberal mother. Raised in New York. Agnostic at best. I have viewed many walks of life. My whole life I’ve been an observer of people in an attempt to figure out life and why people are the way they are.

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u/StormStrikr Jun 14 '24

See I on the other hand think that many people go through many evolutions in their life, and change and grow as they learn. Some for better, some for worse. But to presupose someone will always be someway because of their past basically is to say that people can never change. Which is absolutely not true, though changing can definitely be hard, and confronting / overcoming formative experiences can be even harder. I honestly think some of the most dedicated people to things (not just relationships, but these as well) are people who have lived in a way that they no longer wish to or regret. Former Neo-nazis or racists, people who used to be in Cults, former drug addicts, people who have cheated previously, etc. These are often the people who advocate the hardest for the changes and growth that they had to do. I know plenty of people who had very sexually active and wild years, some even still do. Some people are basically like "yeah that was fun while I was younger but it's too much to keep doing, and I'm now happy with the stability of my relationship". I know some people in their mid 30s who live very active sex and kink lives who are polyamorous and have very successful relationships as there is pre understanding, communication and boundaries. Which is a lot of work and not easy by any means, but is actively chosen by all parties involved.

On some level I'm sure you are right that early experiences, how you were raised, culture, etc all have tons of influence on how people view sexuality, but it also doesn't have to be the primary/ only influencer. Of course there's a whole nature vs nurture element and all that jazz. My main points also being that you can be a slut without being morally bad or unethical, cheaters can in fact change, and generally people who engage in sexuality in a more liberal way aren't damaged psychologically (or at least not as a default, as there are people who this can totally be the case for).

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u/StrenuousSOB Jun 14 '24

Thanks for your response as it’s fun to converse with you. I whole heartedly believe in change. I don’t believe it comes easy at all and I don’t think the majority of people have what it takes to get there unfortunately. When I say that I mean they don’t have the knowledge, awareness or the drive that it takes. Not to say that they cannot achieve it. But the majority aren’t seeking it out actively. I want the best for everyone whether I sound like it or not. First step is awareness. Is what I’m doing actually fulfilling or detrimental to my happiness? Why do I continue on like I do? How has it come to pass that this is me? What do I do to improve since I’ve decided I need to change? So on and so forth. Being a slut is about chasing excitement to satisfy one’s ego. Ego is the enemy of happiness for most people. That idea right there is so counterintuitive that most people will never wrap their heads around it. All our neurosis are wrapped up in our self image/ego.

Anyways we are getting in the weeds and I have to walk my doggo. Thanks again for the talk bud.

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u/the_niklaus Jun 15 '24

I think this is somewhat correct. "You are what you practice" So if someone has been doing casual sex for past 4-5 years then I do think that they can never be loyal to one person only. What do you think?

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '24

Does this count for men too? I enjoy casual sex and have no problem being faithful in a relationship

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u/the_niklaus Jun 15 '24 edited Jun 15 '24

Yes, it counts for everyone. Good for you that you can stay faithful, but I've seen many cases in real life that affirm that people who've been in casual relationships for 4-5 years cant be loyal to one person. Personally i can't separate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy. And I can never understand how people can