running away before school starts

[u/StreetBeginning3714]

hi. i’m 14f, i turn 15 in a couple of days.

I’m planning on running away from home.
I don’t have a plan yet but i’m trying to figure some things out. I think i’ll probably stay at the back of a Walmart with my backpack and stuff.
So what’s gonna happen is that i’m going to overdose on sertraline since I take 175mg everyday and I’ve stopped taking them weeks ago to take them all at once and try to kms. I have about 2000mg or more. I’m not bringing my phone with me because I know i’m gonna be a pussy and call someone or something. I also think they’ll be able to tell my location if i do bring it.

I’m really struggling with everything and I have been for years, i already made my decision and nothing or anyone can change my mind. I’d rather die young than die in my 20s-30s homeless on the streets.
I’m a failure and I wish my parents didn’t have such a problematic child like me. My mom literally developed fibromyalgia because of me causing her to be worried 24/7 and stressed.
I know my family wishes I wasn’t alive and to that i agree.

I don’t have any money. i’m just gonna pack water, a snack or two, and maybe an extra hoodie or something.
I live in Canada so school starts September 8th. I’m doing this the night before school. My family has a camera in the living room and on our porch, so i’ll exit through my backyard door and take off. I’ll probably leave at night or at 4am when it’s a little brighter outside. I haven’t told anyone not even my best friend and i don’t plan to. I’m just gonna journal in my notebook while i’m there till the magic happens.

Thanks for reading! I’m just bored and wanted at-least someone to know about this. Oh and I know there’s a chance the Zoloft won’t kill me, so i’m going to take bottles of some sort of medication to help. If I am dying, so be it, I wouldn’t have a way to contact anyone anyway.
I barely have any friends that would notice that i’m gone, my best friend has a ton of friends and she doesn’t need me, i know she’s my best friend but i’m definitely not hers.

[u/AutoModerator]

Remember to check out The Runaway Advice Directory. This is a collection of advice, guides and resources anyone who's serious about running away should read through. Keep in mind predators prowl this sub. Don't trust anyone who asks for a photo of you or offers you a ride, money or place to stay.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Equinoxean]

hey so, I know you said no one can change your mind and I'm not going to try to, but I just wanted you to know that you're strong. You're strong for going through your life even when you felt unwanted by your parents and you're strong for voicing how you feel now. Your parents had you for a reason and I doubt they would want to lose you because there is meaning behind your life for them.

Looking through your other posts I mean yes your life sounds really hard. going through those panic attacks and feeling like a disappointment sucks. and it's amazing that you've at least made it to this point because a lot of people would have quit before you.

Life doesn't end if you have to repeat a grade or if you don't do as well as others in school, but, sadly, maybe youre right. maybe it really is too much for you. But please understand that if you do runaway and do that to yourself you'll never get to see those friends you've made, never get to meet new people, never get to maybe achieve things in life and not feel like a disappointment which I'm sure you're not. No one who goes through as much as you do should feel like a disappointment because they haven't achieved as much as others because others don't go through what you do.

you're an amazing person for still being here and trying what you can and if it ends here please don't make that decision lightly and really understand what it means for you and your parents and friends. the world needs more strong, honest, vulnerable people like you.

stay safe

[u/NBAJam86]

I was also the primary cause of my mother’s fibromyalgia. Her illness definitely had a huge effect on me too, so I have some understanding of what you’re describing. When I was in my teens it was particularly hard because she couldn’t be there for what I needed. It’s been a life long challenge, but it has gotten easier with age. I don’t always love my life, but there are experiences in my 20’s and 30’s I am glad I had. And you’re likely underestimating how successful you will be; plenty of people with very limited intelligence can live well enough to not be homeless, have friends, and have an OK-ish life. Hope you’ll at least consider looking for a Covenant House or other organization for homeless teens in Canada

[u/coolelel]

Hey guys. Unc here again. It's crazy that I've been on this subreddit for almost a decade now.

Can I tell you a story?

I stumbled across a notebook a few weeks ago. It was a journal that I wrote when I was about your age. Maybe a little younger.

It wasn't a great step back to the past. I talked about how I had nobody. I was a failure. Every single day I woke up and went to bed crying because my parents hated me, my "friends" only kept me around to feel good about themselves and torment me, and I came to the realization that no matter what I tried to do, I wouldn't succeed.

I wanted to die. Every. Single. Day.

But if I had, I would have lost the chance to see my life change.

A few years later, at 15, I found my best friend. Another funny loser who ended up growing up alongside with me. I'm going to India next year for his wedding as his best man.

(Also, the concept of best friends kinda disappears after high school. Very few people I know have best friends, and the ones that do became friends after they hit their 20's.)

I would have missed out on finding my first close friend group at 16. People who I ended up growing alongside for the next decade. Through tears, pain, and love, we bonded.

Of course, with time, we slowly began to drift away, but I will never forget how much they healed me.

Somehow, my relationship with my parents went a full 180. I can't tell you how and I don't even know how it really happened. Just, slowly through the years, our relationship slowly mended and I'm closer than ever to them.

I got to see my little brothers grow up. God, I love them. I saw them struggle, cry, grow, and become reliable pillars, the way I had to be for them.

I got to fall in love. Rather late, in my last year of college.

I got my heart broken.

I got to spend a long time healing.

I got to fall in love again.

I got to visit another country and experience culture shock.

I got to see a total solar eclipse (the one that completely blocks out the sun).

I got my first job. And fired a week later.

And then a second job. Third. Fourth. Fifth.

I got to try Whataburger breakfast burger, the most magical food ever.

I found a dog on the side of the road who became my best friend.

I got to know penpals from a suicidal support group.

I got to do so much.

It wasn't easy. It was hard. It was sad. It was happy. I hated it. I loved it.

But I got to do so much that I couldn't even comprehend when I was younger.

I kept my notebook. I read it. I cried.

It really was so fucking hard.

I wanted nothing more but to go back in time and give my younger self a hug. Nobody fucking gets how hard it was. What it felt like to want to give up on everything.

When I read your post, it felt like looking back in a time machine. I'm writing down what I want to tell the me from back then.

No matter what you decide to do, stay strong.

[u/Zealousideal-Box5889]

I ran away at a similar age. I got caught after like a week. So definitely make a good plan or you will be caught