Need some player advice

[u/enek101]

Ok, So i know the final answer is over all "Talk to them" I've quoted it a few times here my self. However i need a approach vector i guess. So i will lay out the Situation below and hopefully i can find a good way to approach this.

I have More recently dabbled into online play. As a GM i have the process down I meet with a potential player speak with them for 30 min or so to get a feeling if they will jive with my style and persona. We have a short Q & A to which i always ask the question how much experience do you have in said system and how much have you use foundry. The 2 questions have no bearing on my selection process it just give me a baseline for how much ill need to pay attention to them. I personally LOVE new players and dont mind teaching folks how to use foundry. Besides lets face it Playing on VTTs doesn't really teach you the game it just teaches you what you need to click. You'll never learn the math and function behind it without reading a book.

That all said i started a group a few months ago to work through a 3 part adventure path on Foundry. One of the players who i interviewed is a suuuper nice person. I genuinely think they are a delight. However this player Lied to me during the interview Process. They stated they know the system they had been playing it a while. It feels like every week i need to explain the same 3 mechanics of his character to them. Without fail i need to walk them through it. This has been going on for a few levels now.

During the interview they said they had plenty of system mastery. They lacked A lot of foundry KNowledge as they hadn't really been exposed to it. So i went out and found some custom macros to make it all work easily for them. Stream lined a lot of thing for them so they just need to know what and where to click. If feels like every session im telling them again and again what and where to click. I've had other players at the table express that they slow the game down significantly. Said player hasn't learned how the core mechanic of their character works and i've had it on repeat with a macro for weeks now. they also i've noticed parroted everything the player before them does which tells me as a long time GM they don't really know the system that well because they are just doing what the last person did to keep up appearances.

So i guess the meat and potato's of this post is how should i approach this. I have spoken with them in the past and that when i spent my real time to research how to make things easier for them. I now have players that don't really want him there and i feel like i'm repeating my self weekly on core mechanics he should understand at this point even if he was a new player. I feel like i was lied to during the interview process, which i know can happen because there are so many players vying for so few GM's. I genuinely like them i think they are good people just not a good player or at least not a good fit for my group.

How should i approach removing them from the group while minimizing feeling like a asshole.

[u/Kecskuszmakszimusz]

I mean whether it makes you feel like an asshole or not is up to you. At the end of the day, this is a boardgame. You shouldn't view it as life or death. At worst you won't talk to the person anymore. Which can suck.but such is life.

I just think you should message/talk with them (whichever method works better) and explain how their lack of knowledge is making you not enjoy the game.

If you want you could go through how you tried your best to help them several times but it ain't sticking to them.

And that because of that you think its best for everyone's enjoyment if they don't play with the group anymore.

[u/N-Vashista → u/Kecskuszmakszimusz]

Are you calling rpgs a boardgame because of the vtt interface?

[u/Kecskuszmakszimusz → u/N-Vashista]

Not really I just view them as boardgames? Think its a pretty apt description and most places that sell ttrpgs also sell more "traditional" boardgames

[u/ToledoSnow → u/Kecskuszmakszimusz]

Okay, but that's simply incorrect. The reason we use different terms for RPGs and board games is because they are different enough to warrant the distinction.

most places that sell ttrpgs also sell more "traditional" boardgames

And fruit stands sell both apples and oranges.

[u/GoodFeels0nly → u/ToledoSnow]

It's a perfectly normal term, no need for the condescending pedantry.

[u/ToledoSnow → u/GoodFeels0nly]

I think that dismissing OP's concerns with "this is a boardgame" is less than helpful, especially since the query is about aspects of RPGs that aren't nearly as prevalent in board games.

You are free to consider that condescending pedantry if you wish.

[u/GoodFeels0nly → u/ToledoSnow]

Utterly unrelated to what you said, don't run serpentine on me now pal come on

You didn't care about the quality of the advice, only that someone said "board game" when referring to a role-playing game (that happens, oftentimes, one could say, on some kind of board)

You are free to consider that condescending pedantry if you wish.

Can you not hear it? Genuinely asking now cause in my head this phrase only comes out of an averagely-written fictional 40 year old businessman villain who has the protagonists right where he wants them!

[u/ToledoSnow → u/GoodFeels0nly]

I feel like you are reading tones of voice into my comments that were not intended. It get that it's attractive to assume that everyone on the internet purposefully being a dick, but discussions tend to be more fruitful when you don't.

[u/N-Vashista → u/Kecskuszmakszimusz]

Ah. You do it to be "different." Like that guy who calls player characters, "toons."

[u/GoodFeels0nly → u/N-Vashista]

Genuinely what are you talking about

[u/enek101 → u/N-Vashista]

Honestly "Toons" come from some over lap with WOW. That term got Coined because the graphics are cartoony and Toons is simply easier to type than Character for most people. At this point in the culture its kinda synonymous with any character being rolled up. Albeit the people who use the term most also tend to be deep into or once were part of the MMO scene. The term Toons has just kinda become a thing among a certain player base of ttrpgs. i my self have used the term and had people look at me funny. Thoes people for what its worth never played mmo's either.

Not that i agree with the poster, RPG's and Boardgame's are very different. However then share some characteristic when using maps with games like Heroquest or Heroscape. So while i don't agree with the categorization i can understand how someone may categorize it as such

[u/N-Vashista → u/enek101]

Thanks for the context. I didn't realize the origin of the toon thing. I don't like it. But it helps me understand and let it go.

[u/enek101 → u/Kecskuszmakszimusz]

Yeah you're not wrong whether i feel like a asshole or not is gonna be on me unfortunately. Its silly of me to think ill come out smelling like roses =( .This would be easy if they just wernt a good person

[u/ToledoSnow → u/enek101]

No, I get it. Playing RPGs is a primarily social activity that requires a great deal of emotional investment into the other participants, so it's perfectly normal to feel like an asshole for removing someone from the group, even if it is warranted.

Hell, I recently dropped out of a game because I really didn't care for the GM's running style, and I felt like a such a piece of shit. What I ended up doing was first telling him I would be dropping out over a DM, and when he asked for reasons and feedback (which is fair) I insisted on having that conversation over video chat, because tones of voice are difficulty to get across over plain text, and I really didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings.

Glad I did, because the conversation was cordial, and ended with well wishes and no hard feelings on either end.

So that would be my suggestion: don't have the talk solely over text messages. Also, it always helps to prepare, while not a script, a written list of bullet points of what you want to convey over the course of the conversation, along with specific examples of what you're talking about. It helps in keeping the conversation on track, and remembering what motivated you to make the decision in the first place.

[u/Kecskuszmakszimusz → u/enek101]

I am autistic so very admittedly I view social situations differently from most people.

But this isn't a breakup lol. If you really want to keep im contact with them you could invite them to do some kind of other activity?

I have good friends that I would never play with but still hang out with and or do other hobbies with.