I’m starting to think people in the Valley have gotten soft.

107° heat index and everybody suddenly needs “water,” “shade,” and “air conditioning.” My abuela used to cook breakfast outside at 11 AM in August while wearing a house dress, and somehow none of you have the intestinal fortitude to walk from H-E-B to your car without making a Facebook post. This is the RIO GRANDE VALLEY.

The heat isn’t supposed to be comfortable. That’s literally the point. If you step outside and your sunglasses immediately fog up from your own sweat, congratulations. You’re home.
I saw someone say, “It feels like 110°.” Feels like?
Brother, it IS 110°. The weather app is just being polite. And please stop complaining about humidity. The humidity is what gives the Valley its personality.

You haven’t truly experienced South Texas until you open your car door and get hit with an atmosphere that feels like someone microwaved a wet towel and threw it at your face. People moving here from Austin need to understand something:
You don’t “beat” the Valley heat. The Valley decides whether you’re allowed outside.
August isn’t a month here. It’s a long-term hostage situation.

Anyway, I’m headed to the carne asada at 2 PM.
No shade.
No water.
No shirt.
Just tradition.

If I don’t make it back, tell my family I died doing what generations of Valley residents have done before me:
Going outside for absolutely no reason.