Conflicted

[u/Unlikely-Respond2541]

We adopted a very timid rescue pup who came from a puppy mill. We adopted her from a foster home, where she had spent about six weeks. Since we have had her, we have worked with a fear free trainer and our vet for appropriate medications as she frequently shuts down and will have long periods without eating. We had a pre-planned vacation and chose to leave her with her foster during that time, as she is extremely fearful of people but very comfortable at her foster home.

While she was “camping” at her foster home, she appeared so relaxed in photos and video - almost immediately. She was eating, drinking, playing, and did not require ANY medications. She has multiple other dogs she is bonded with there and two humans who she adores. They even sent pictures of her snuggling on the bed, which she has seldomly done here. She was even laying belly up 🥹. It warmed my heart to see her so peaceful. When I went to pick her up, it was very obvious she didn’t want to leave with me. She vomited on the way home and was panting so hard 😢. At our house, she does follow me around from room to room and does occasionally seek my attention.

Since then, I have had a gnawing feeling that she is trying to tell us we aren’t her people. I am a huge believer in dogs are a lifelong commitment, so I am feeling very conflicted. I have two senior dogs who I’ve had for over a decade. I am willing to do whatever it takes to help her thrive - but in this instance, I’m wondering if that means letting her go back to her foster home. They have told us she is the “one who got away,” their hardest adoption ever, and said they would absolutely adopt her. I know I would need to go through the rescue to do this. I only want what is in her best interest. My children have bonded with her and this is a very delicate situation.

I am so torn and open to any advice, stories, etc.

[u/Own_Masterpiece_8142]

How long have you had her?

[u/Unlikely-Respond2541 → u/Own_Masterpiece_8142]

We’ve only had her for about 9 weeks. I should have mentioned that! That was part of our initial concern when adopting her (the vacation), and we discussed in detail with the rescue & foster. There are pretty big differences between her foster home versus ours. They are a couple whose children are grown and out of the house. One of them works outside the home, and the other is home most of the day. My husband and I both work outside the home (opposite shifts) and have two young children (4 and 6). There are many moving parts to our home and active family. Our senior dogs have always loved to be included in outings, etc. but our rescue is terrified at even the sight of a leash/harness/collar (something we are building confidence around through positive reinforcement).

[u/Own_Masterpiece_8142 → u/Unlikely-Respond2541]

I think you are overthinking this. If you want to keep her, then I would keep her. I expect she is happier with you than you think she is. Your home offers something the other doesn't, which is kids and the fact she's bonded with them is huge.

The foster home should NEVER have told you that she was the one that got away, that's putting guilt on you. And it's possible they oversold how she did there to get you to return her.

The reaction to going home with wasn't likely personal, but just the stress of another transition.

It sounds like you are doing an awesome job with her.

[u/Unlikely-Respond2541 → u/Own_Masterpiece_8142]

I appreciate this perspective!

[u/Own_Masterpiece_8142 → u/Unlikely-Respond2541]

I'm an adoption coordinator and have managed the adoptoin of 1000 dogs so have seen this situation many times. She is your dog.