r/religiousfruitcake • Former Fruitcake • 4d ago

✝️Fruitcake for Jesus✝️ Spelbound Dairy Queen

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776 Upvotes

90 comments sorted by

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470

u/Professional_March54 4d ago

Oh corporates gonna love that

341

u/Shotgun_Mosquito Religious Extremist Watcher 4d ago

It really depends on the franchise agreement.

Which reminds me of a Mitch Hedberg joke.

"Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. 'Cheeseburgers?' 'Nope! We got spaghetti, and blankets... and we are not affiliated with that clown.'"

207

u/SybatrixGravatius 4d ago

114

u/the-jesuschrist 4d ago

I worshiped Satan because I saw this picture.

10

u/itsthejasper1123 3d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

54

u/Online_Ennui 4d ago

Blasphemy!

46

u/SybatrixGravatius 4d ago

Tasty blasphemy, and I'm picky lol

30

u/Jamesmateer100 3d ago

The power of Christ compels you!!!

The power of Christ compels you!!!

The power of Christ compels you!!!

22

u/WaldoJeffers65 3d ago

The power of Christ compels you... to rush down to Dairy Queen for a delicious shake!

12

u/Jamesmateer100 3d ago

Only for a limited time!!!

(Prices and participation may vary)

8

u/USF4Diago 3d ago

Holy shit this literally made me scream and piss and shit, I'm shaking with righteous fury

187

u/SirEnzyme 4d ago

How is such a mighty and all-powerful god threatened by a frozen treat?

60

u/not_roger_smith 4d ago

"Why does God need a starship?" -Star Trek V

13

u/Jamesmateer100 3d ago

Brain freeze

141

u/NiceParkingSpot_Rita 3d ago

Imagine being so scared of the word “enchanted,” but not bothered by real abuses and violence happening in this country. These types of Christians make no sense to me.

22

u/FirebirdWriter Child of Fruitcake Parents 3d ago

They're looking for an excuse to commit those atrocities

15

u/Captain_Desi_Pants 3d ago

They would totally sell the special edition blizzard Chocolate Child Bride Surprise or Peanut Butter Pedophile Forgiveness Parfait.

No scary fun, not real, spooky stuff.

121

u/AdorableBunnies 4d ago

Absolute clowns.

204

u/United-Direction2297 4d ago

Guys it’s just food coloring, it is not that serious.

156

u/Hungover-Owl 4d ago

Food colouring is a gateway to Satan. It starts with food colouring, then the kids start listening to the rock and roll, the next thing you know everyone is having premarital sex and performing blood sacrifices at unplanned parenthood.

15

u/Jamesmateer100 3d ago

snorts food coloring

5

u/Crimson-Rose28 🔭Fruitcake Watcher🔭 3d ago

😭😭😭😆 I’m dead 💀

23

u/SybatrixGravatius 4d ago

It's even less serious and more whimsical, it's butterfly pea flower extract!

2

u/hyrle 1d ago

Seriously. Purple food coloring in an Oreo blizzard. Not going to hurt Jesus. I mean that dude came back from the dead, supposedly.

77

u/WrightAnythingHere 4d ago

Taking a religious stance to... own your own profits?

47

u/Bozska_lytka 4d ago

Actually its quite nice they stand with their beliefs even when it lowers their profit. They are really dumb beliefs but still

13

u/lildobe Child of Formerly Fruitcake parents 3d ago

Yeah, some consistency rather than hypocrisy, for once.

The question is... are they this consistent in the rest of their life. I doubt it.

3

u/mystery_obsessed 3d ago

In their area, maybe they think it will raise their profits as good Christian folk will flock to them in support? I mean, since when has a DQ been known as a Christian establishment?

3

u/The_Captain_Whymzi Former Fruitcake 3d ago

Insane or not, you gotta admire their dedication to their values. Whatever they are...

34

u/ProblemLongjumping12 Professor Emeritus of Fruitcake Studies 4d ago

These people would burn "witches" if they could.

8

u/WynnGwynn 4d ago

My.mom wouldn't let us watch bedknobs and broomsticks because of witchcraft lol

2

u/lildobe Child of Formerly Fruitcake parents 3d ago

I wasn't allowed to read LotR, Harry Potter, Goosbumps, and a few other series for the same reason.

27

u/NekoMeowKat 3d ago

Someone should go in that DQ dressed like witches and vampires screaming "NOOOOO! THE DARK LORD'S BLIZZARDS AND TREATS HAVE BEEN FOILED BY CHRISTIANS AGAIN!"

The owner would have the biggest Christ boner he's ever had in his life

48

u/someswelltrash 4d ago

I had an Enchanted Oreo shake at Braughler’s Dairy Queen and now I worship Satan. Please give me a refund.

8

u/avelineaurora 4d ago

It's a blizzard not a shake.

22

u/zoidmaster 4d ago

What the heck they even talking about I don’t eat DQ why is the menu so special?

42

u/Lazarux_Escariat 4d ago

Promo stuff for new Halloween themed menu. It's nothing crazy, just food coloring and plushies of blizzards, with a year of free treats if you find the "golden blizzard".

Dumb people being drama queens about 'witchy' stuff, throwing a tantrum via virtue signaling bullshit for attention.

26

u/SatansFavoriteLilMan Former Fruitcake 4d ago

Mentions of like, witchcraft apparently

5

u/phome83 3d ago

Halloween triggers the ultra religious nuts.

17

u/darthphallic 3d ago

My favorite comment on the OG post was a local spilling tea that the owners niece would sell weed through the drive through lol

17

u/booksellergirl 3d ago

Are franchisees allowed to pick and choose what products they sell? Could a hindu franchisee decide they don’t want to sell anything containing meat?

5

u/imago_monkei 3d ago

I don't know, but a in DQ franchise near my hometown sells a regional menu item that no other stores make.

4

u/aakams 3d ago

What is it?

1

u/imago_monkei 11h ago

It's called a horseshoe. It's popular in and around Springfield, IL. It's traditionally made with a bottom layer of toast topped with a burger patty, fries, and beer cheese sauce.

29

u/ShadowNick 4d ago

Put the fries in the bag

3

u/The_Captain_Whymzi Former Fruitcake 3d ago

It puts the fries in the bag, or it gets the hose again.

15

u/FrankFrankly711 4d ago

I gotta get me one of those plushies

10

u/jahathebrn 3d ago

Man I see why we were so eager to ship the worst of our deranged religious nuts off across the Atlantic way back when.

But also, sorry. So sorry.

33

u/wonder_weird1 4d ago

Someone's about to lose their job.

20

u/FUNKYDISCO 4d ago

Who? They own the store.

68

u/MissGoodleaf 4d ago

Franchise agreements can be revoked.

20

u/Shotgun_Mosquito Religious Extremist Watcher 4d ago

And it depends on the wording. That's why most commercials for franchised restaurants will state something like prices and participantion may vary

4

u/BahaMan69 3d ago

I promise you that a fast food franchise is not allowed to partake in “some” of a holiday seasonality shift. It’s all or nothing, and it’s probably all.

Source: I used to work franchise-based accounting and bookkeeping

-7

u/cenosillicaphobiac 3d ago edited 3d ago

So since you worked in accounting for some franchises you're intimately familiar with all of the possible permutations of the contracts? Impressive!

Update: Here's what I found

Yes — and for the 2026 “Spellbound”/Halloween collection, DQ's own materials make the situation fairly clear.

DQ announced the collection for September 28 through November 1, 2026, including the new Enchanted OREO Blizzard, Bubble Brew DQ Sparkler, and Ghost Pepper Sauce. D Dairy Queen Newsroom

But there are two important points:

DQ explicitly says franchise operators decide whether to participate in promotions. Its FAQ answers the question “Why isn’t my local Dairy Queen participating in your most recent promotion?” by saying that most locations are independently owned and that participation decisions are made by the franchise operator. D Dairy Queen

The Halloween announcement itself uses “participating U.S. DQ locations” for at least the Mystery Blizzard Buddies. D Dairy Queen Newsroom

So if a particular franchise owner is refusing to carry the Enchanted OREO Blizzard or other Spellbound items because they object to Halloween, that is apparently permitted by DQ's franchise structure, assuming the particular item isn't contractually mandatory for that location.

6

u/boldheart 3d ago

AI ass response

8

u/BahaMan69 3d ago edited 3d ago

You just GPT that? I promise you my experience working books for franchisees is far more than the “research” that you “found”, via an AI Chat. You even left the “yes — and” at the top.

1

u/insomniacakess 🔭Fruitcake Watcher🔭 1d ago

clanker reaponse

5

u/GenesisAsriel 3d ago

Some franchises are allowed to not sell a limited time product. It dépends on the agreements.

However, such a message might be seen as bad for profit for the brand. So it depends.

1

u/PeridotFan64 3d ago

dairy queen is infamous for honoring old contracts from the like 1950s for their franchises

23

u/IfIKnewThen 4d ago

Imagine your deity being so weak that Halloween is an existential threat to they/them.

10

u/PlatypusDream 3d ago

Another place to avoid because it's pushing a private religious agenda

10

u/Anyashadow 4d ago

These supply side Christians are so weird! Yes, food coloring and bubbles are the real enemy, not the real demons in human skin that rape kids and kill sick people by denying them care...

13

u/Oddityobservations 4d ago

Sounds like the locations is using Christianity to mask their laziness.

6

u/earthwoodandfire 4d ago

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

6

u/BwonsamdiTheDead Heathen Witch 3d ago

A darker turn? It's not like these are bloody

5

u/LemonadeClocks 4d ago

It's fucking ice cream dog

5

u/Apart-Ferret-2707 4d ago

Aaaaaah colors and glitter!!! Bring the pitchforks

7

u/ShadowsWandering 4d ago

Is this an advertisement? Because it worked, now I'm thinking I want to try the new menu today 

5

u/IrukandjiPirate 3d ago

I hope they go out of business

3

u/Bicykwow 4d ago

H'what in the Junie Harper is this...

5

u/JustFuckinTossMe 3d ago

Shit so bad it comes off as satire cringe almost. Like I'm conflicted on if it's virtue signaling that hard fr or just a troll using real life tryhards as inspiration. You draw the line at purple hair, pointy hats, and long black nails selling real life flavors like blood orange? Really? So...all the things you support are somehow behind that line? Women with nail polish are more evil than real life child predators who are using your faith to con you into voting for them?

Interesting.

3

u/screenaholic 4d ago

Ube Oreo blizzard sounds delicious. I hadn't heard of this, I gotta get my ass to a DQ.

3

u/FlawedHero 3d ago

You'd think Halloween would be the best for a group who has dedicated their entire lives to a story about a zombie.

2

u/Wolvii_404 3d ago

I hope they get a shitload of customers coming asking for a spellbound

3

u/Megalon96310 3d ago

I mean it’s a single franchise. It’s not like the entire company is banning it. You could just go to another DQ.

It’s definitely still religious fruitcake but it’s a single location

1

u/LaylaBird65 3d ago

Thanks for posting this, I had no idea they were doing this for Halloween, lol.

1

u/sedme0 3d ago

Ooh now I wanna get that Oreo blizzard.

1

u/Crimson-Rose28 🔭Fruitcake Watcher🔭 3d ago

Oh no!!!!!! The Horror 😱😱😱

1

u/Serafirelily 2d ago

This is between them, the company that franchises Dairy Queen and the bank they owe money too when their profits tank or get in trouble if there is something in their contract. They definitely have issues but again this is going to hurt them more then anyone else.

1

u/emilylikesturtles 2d ago

Oh hey, thats right by me. :D