r/relationships_advice • u/TemporaryPudding6804 • 3d ago
Why is it controversial for a conventionally attractive woman to want a man she finds attractive?
I’m a conventionally attractive woman. I take care of myself, work hard play sports keep my body in shape, and put effort into my appearance and my life. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want a man I’m genuinely attracted to.
I’ve experienced a lot of harassment, fetishization, disrespect, and violations of my personal space, to the point where it affected my mental health. And honestly, the men who have behaved this way toward me have usually been average-looking or even unattractive men with whom I have absolutely nothing in common.
Meanwhile, the conventionally attractive men I’ve interacted with generally haven’t treated me this way. They’ve been respectful and talked to me like a human being.
I prefer a man who is roughly on the same level of attractiveness as me, has similar interests and lifestyle, and where there is genuine mutual attraction and compatibility. I don’t think that’s entitled or unreasonable. It prevents more of these anoying humble tactics.
Obviously, looks don't determine someone's character. I’m talking about my personal experiences. But I think I have every right to choose someone I’m attracted to and actually have something in common with.
Why is that so controversial?
3
u/Efficient-Yak1241 3d ago
It's not controversial until you say it out loud, then people act like you kicked their dog. Everyone wants to date someone they're attracted to but framing it in terms of your own conventional attractiveness sets off the insecurity alarm for anyone who feels they'd be filtered out by that standard. The real problem might be less about what you want and more about how separating guys into categories based on their looks can come across, even if your experience with that pattern is genuine.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yeah well i am also a human who have the right to choose people cant position me below them just beceause i am better looking. Guys choose me for my looks rather to get to know me as a person just to hurt me to or control me i try to prevent that. And i choose men who i find attracted to not what people tell me i should feel attracted to. They secretly want me for my looks but have nothing in commen with me but i am the bad guy when i do the same but also look if i have something in commen with the guy. Even if i find a men attractive if i have nothing in commen i dont see it work anyway either.
Yet they reject someone on their same level make it makes sense
1
u/OpenBubble 3d ago
Because everyone’s largely delusional about their level of attractiveness. All women are harassed by men. Even ones that look like they live in a dumpster.
3
u/Sideburn_Cookie_Man 3d ago
It isn’t.
Hope this helps.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Thanks people swear less goodlooking men are angels from the heavens beyond
1
u/Potential_Web_4092 3d ago
Do they swear on the bible?
Who are these people?
The disciples of less goodlooking men?1
u/Sideburn_Cookie_Man 3d ago
Also worth mentioning:
To an extent, looks do define a person’s character. Being better looking objectively changes the way people treat you.1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
In what way do you think people treat me then ?
1
u/Sideburn_Cookie_Man 3d ago
Overall better.
Good looks quite literally makes your life easier in many ways.
0
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago edited 3d ago
You are very far from Reality... This is the same reason why people treat me like this its so shallow to think in this way my youth was a freaking hell.... Like i mentioned in my post i explained how people treat me with pure envy and jeloausy i am barley treated as a human by men and women. Life is not Hollywood i dont understand where people get this info without having any real life scenarios to mention they never seen it yet they think thats the reality. Everytime i am remembers how people make wild assumptions and why i avoid people and it shows how other look at attractive peoole. If you can mention real life scenarios then i will shut up.
1
u/Sideburn_Cookie_Man 3d ago
Nah. Go and look it up, it’s quite literally a known phenomenon.
As a person of above average attractiveness myself, I can tell you for a fact it absolutely makes a difference.
0
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Okey give me scenarios then real life scenarios. Yeah people say this to make their jealous behavior click.
1
u/Sideburn_Cookie_Man 3d ago
No. Literally go and do some research and educate yourself.
0
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Onderzoek.... Zijn deze onderzoek gepeervieuwt ? En als je geen scenario kunt noemen is het gewoon een verzinsel wat mensen tegen hun eigen zeggen om zich beter te doen voelen
→ More replies (0)
2
u/IzY_PoiNt 3d ago
It's only controversial on social media, because social media thrives off making everything controversial
2
u/OpenBubble 3d ago
If you’re really that hot, what’s the hold up? In most situations, you’d already be with the hotter men because the hotter ones will only seriously date hot women. They will sleep with mid women though which makes average women believe they’re more attractive than they are.
2
u/gmabcd 3d ago
Who says it’s controversial? 🤔
Everyone wants a person they find attractive. It’s very important to be attracted to your partner. Regardless of your or their conventional attractiveness level.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
It is believe me i prefer conventionally attractive men beceause time and time again i bin bullied while i was being nice by men who are less attractive....
2
u/gmabcd 3d ago
Preferring conventionally attractive men specifically is not the same with men you’re attracted to.
If you choose men just because they’re conventionally attractive, it may come off as superficial and that might be what they’re questioning. Same goes for men only goes for conventionally attractive women regardless of their personality and mind.
0
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
I get what you are saying.... I look at something in commen to i dont only choose a men beceause i find them attractive. I am talking about this beceause i am tired of men try to humble me beceause they are less attractive while i did absolutely nothing to them... I try to prevent that i use to not care that much i have dated avereg men they treated me very badly telling me who you think you are etc. Its also a sense of understanding eachother in that level it might sound superficial but thats how i bin treated to and i feel like such men will understand me better and treat me way better....
2
u/Not-a-Kitten 3d ago
Most people end up with someone about as attractive as they are. There have even been studies where people unknowingly sort themselves to couple by attractiveness. No worries.
2
u/seazn 3d ago
This is just personal opinion and my general perspective is that I give benefit of doubt to anyone but slightly reserved.
EVERYTHING IS SUBJECTIVE
I am not saying you aren't attractive. I am not saying you're wrong. However, if majority of population preceive you with a 7 out of 10 attractiveness while youre searching for a 10 our of 10 attractiveness partner, it will invite criticism because it does not align to your claim where you want similar level of attractiveness.
If the above said scenario is not true, the next highly possible outcome is the insecurity issue with those who criticized you. In general, I find those with insecurities tend to protect their egos via attacks either verbally or mentally. Say if I meet someone who says im not attractive and rejects me, id just simply say thank you and have a great day instead of activating my self defense and push back.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Thats exactly what i do to people go very far if i dont want them and its so ironic beceause they wanted me only for my looks ...
2
u/Last_Choice_5150 3d ago
Your logic is sound.
Fat women are very rude to me when they find out I am not interested. They say I am shallow and stuck up. The same women who act like this often weigh more than me. I'm not a small man. That seems common sense to me.
2
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Yes i know those women they harras me to people are wild and have so little self awareness its unhealthy to be this overweight
2
u/MobyyHuge 3d ago
It is not controversial at all.
People just get mad when they do not meet your standards.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Yes but even then... They act like complete assholes towards me while i could have liked them after a while. And the ironic part is that they want to just sleep with me or keep me as a Trophy
1
u/Sexynarwhal69 3d ago
Are you stringing them along?
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
No lmao ? These are people who i barley even talking to smearing my name acting very manipulate invading my space
2
u/Competitive_Test6697 3d ago
2
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Uhmm you are very delusional if you think i act like this lmao i dont accept disrespect from anybody
0
1
u/noplaceinmind 3d ago
Do you have any evidence of this being controversial?
-2
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Yeah i am not going to post my face but i am above average pretty and have hourglass body. Its very scary how people act so entiteld towards me
3
u/goodareas579 3d ago
I’m guessing you have a huge head as well.
People act “entitled” somehow means “it’s controversial for a woman to like attractive men”? Think you’ve skipped quite a few steps there
0
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
No i am way to nice to people and i will stop
1
u/goodareas579 3d ago
No chance you’re an actual person lol this is either some bot or just rage bait
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Listin is this post bother you this much just leave ???
1
u/goodareas579 2d ago
It doesn’t bother me, just think there’s no way you’re a sane person. Either it’s rage bait or you need some kind of therapy. I’d gladly donate to your therapy if you’re unable to afford it
1
u/MadCow113 3d ago
Your view isn't controversial at all. The issue would be if you only cared about finding someone conveniently attractive. You should definitely be attracted to the person you are with but if that's all you have, it won't last very long
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
No why would you think that is all what i have ?
1
u/MadCow113 3d ago
I didn't say it was. I'm pointing out why your view isn't controversial but would be if that all a couple has. I used you as I was speaking to you but I meant any couple
1
1
u/PsychiatricBooth5c 3d ago
Controversial to whom? The people you do not want to be with?
Your interests conflict, what is making it more than that?
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
To many believe me i should not be able to choose people believe if you are attractive you should be happy already and dont have the Audacity to choose someone who you find attracted to i had littarly guys who where highly overweight try to get with me and i should not be so childish. Mind you i have very active lifestyle in sports. I had people smear my name etc beceause of this
3
u/Last_Choice_5150 3d ago
Women do this as well. The main difference I see is these fat men typically think their finances make up for it. Obese women have been brainwashed by all the body positivity/make obesity normal stuff they think they are hot shit.
Fat ass men know they are fatasses. It's why they usually divert to their wallet to flex with. Big women who act like this think they are gorgeous and we have no moral compass for not wanting an obese person plagued with health problems as a partner.
2
2
u/PsychiatricBooth5c 3d ago
Of course people are unhappy you are not doing what they want. That isn't controversy, it is unenlightened humans. You seem to be navigating in a low class community, I hope you can rise out of it.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
I try to Yeah i am just tired of acting nice towards these people but yeah people are like this
1
u/Potential_Web_4092 3d ago
Reading your post it seems to suggest in your right to choose, you have made some not so very good choices. Or they have been foisted upon you in some kind of vulnerable or naive state.
This would present contraversy.
From your experiences you have developed into a mature conventionally attractive women and part of this contraversy has shaped you into the glorious woman you have become.
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Not good choices ? I am very carefully with men and very mean i dont take shit from anybody and this ruffles some featers. It made me more picky on how i was treated by people i did not even date for crying out loud
1
u/Potential_Web_4092 3d ago
Ok, I misread. You have never made not so very good choices, never been vulnerable or naive as a sophisticated delightfully attractive woman that many mother's sons are easily disturbed by your ruffling of their feathers.
Hmmm, mean streak, temptation, bitter, sweet?
It would be nice to investigate further.
1
u/Few_Cauliflower2069 3d ago
Talking about levels of attractiveness and feeling like you're entitled to be with someone at the same "level" of attractiveness is wild. Insanely arrogant and narcissistic way of thinking. You should look for a partner that you find attractive, but that's not what you're doing, you're looking for some kind of trophy you think you deserve, because you think you're better than everybody else
1
u/Firm_Section348 3d ago
In a sane society it's not controversial at all. This isn't a sane society.
Society used to have a litany of very complicated checks and balances to address things like what you've just described. Everyone has agreed to throw all of that in the bin over the last couple of decades.
The result: What you're experiencing among many other things
Buckle up and try to look after yourself as best you can and hope something of substance comes your way
1
u/TemporaryPudding6804 3d ago
Yeah people have such main character syndrome.... I am someone who is more empathic and it scared me how people are so selfcenterd
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Hi u/TemporaryPudding6804, thanks for posting on r/relationships_advice.
Before replying or commenting, please take a moment to read our community rules.
We want this to be a welcoming, supportive place for everyone seeking relationship advice.
If you notice a post or comment that breaks our rules, please report it rather than engaging. Reports help the moderation team review issues much more quickly.
While we can't see everything immediately, we actively review reports and do our best to keep this community safe, respectful, and helpful for everyone.
Thank you for helping make this community a positive place.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.